I told her I would be happy to help her get the truck, but I am not going to get on her loan if she is planning on leaving our marriage. I told her I am just protecting myself. She said she does not want out of the marriage.
DO YOU BELIEVE HER?
Originally Posted By: Joe406
She is just tired of the fighting. I told her that we did not fight like this before this job thing came up. Before this problem, we had arguments but nothing like we have been having. I guess I just don't want to share my wife that way.
SO what is it about this job that is the issue? Do you think she is cheating? Maybe more transparency in the job would help you feel more secure.
To me it sounds like you are holding money over her head as a CONTROL issue? It also sounds like she is preparing for a possible exit.
On the flip side of it before the job maybe she just succumbed to you. Now she has a job and might feel that she can do whatever she wants.
I think you need to LET GO and whatever will be, will be.
As I explained in my previous post, she talks on the phone all night to men when they call in if you know what I mean. So yes I feel somewhat like she is cheating. It is her job. But like I told her, I think that kind of talk makes me feel uncomfortable when she is talking with other men.We are married. Even though it is just a job.And yes I do believe that she feels that she has a job now and can do whatever she wants. But I am telling her she can't. If she had a different job than what she is doing, it might be a little easier. But whatever. It is her choice. She could be preparing for am exit for all I know. But I am tired of trying to guess about what she is doing.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Last night was kinda hard. While I was setting up her bed she was wearing some hot pink spandex and a hot pink sports bra. In the past I would have told her how hot she looked and she would have smiled big and teased me all night till we went to bed and fooled around.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Another thing that is confusing, but a positive is the hugs I am getting lately. She has been giving me a hug before she goes off to work and they have grown from a quick pat on the back to an actual hug. She even kissed me the other morning. That has not happened in a long time. I am thankful for the little things.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I must be a boring poster person. No body really responds to my posts.:( I kinda thought my situation was unique!
Joe,
If you look at your thread, you have had upwards of 300 views. So people are reading about you. I, too, thought I was a "thread killer" when I started. It helps to remember that the people who post here have many commitments and are here on their own time. No one is paid to be here and they offer their advice for free. So do not be insulted if you do not receive responses immediately. As we are a community and mutually support each other, you may get more mileage by supporting others on their threads. In turn, this may bring more traffic to your thread.
In the meantime, if you have questions, pose them in your thread. If you want to update others on your situation, post it. Even without replies, there is therapeutic value for you in posting. Trust me. Just keep posting, and keep working on yourself.
Best of luck,
RAI
P.S. every situation is unique. P.P.S. I am at work and I do not have time to read up on your sitch right now. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Will try to catch up later.
LOL! That makes sense. Guess I didn't notice if anyone was reading the posts. I knew I had a few responses. I am new to this and not to sure how to go about it. Thanks for the advice.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I read your thread and I think you need to really start focusing on your part in things. If you read the DB books you should know that looking at your W's part in the breakdown of your M without addressing your role is not helpful. You cannot control your W's behaviour. You can only control your own actions. From reading your thread I still can't tell what your role was. You need to be more specific about the mistakes you have made in the R. Don't feel badly. When I started on DB I also focused on my W's actions too. I still do sometimes. I want to remind you that you're posts are anonymous. You have a habit of using euphemisms that obscure what you are trying to really say. Please elaborate on what your W's job is in greater detail and how you feel she crossed the line. ALSO, please tell us about the mistakes you made in the past. More details will be helpful. Until you start opening up, I am afraid it will be hard to advise you.
Sorry. I asked for help on a different forum a few months ago and got booted for trolling. I don't know what trolling is. So I have been a little gun shy about opening up about my wife's job. She is a phone sex operator. She mostly does dispatch, but lately she has been doing alot of calls. I was upstairs the other night getting a towel to clean up the dog mess and could hear her through the door. The things she was saying bothered me. It wasn't your normal kind of call. Really uncomfortable things were being said. I am afraid of my daughter coming downstairs to use the bathroom one night and hearing this stuff. Usually she is quiet. But it was really late. I am sure she thought I was sleeping. Anyway, we have had alot of conversations about her taking those calls.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
The mistakes I have made in the relationship is not showing her enough appreciation. Not showing her the kind of love that she likes. I thought I was being loving, but I wasn't doing it like she wanted. I was controlling in alot of ways. I did not support her enough or offer encouragement. I should have kissed her first thing when I got home. Kissed her goodbye in the morning. Not put so much pressure on her. Not blame her for our problems.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
