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Originally Posted By: Joe406
Thank you for helping me. I need alot of help. I have been struggling with this stuff for the past few months. It is hard when there is no one to talk to. Any other suggestions, I am all ears!! We did have a good talk at lunch today.

Start with re-reading this whole thread


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I will do that. I did buy the bed for my wife. I think it might be best for now. It is better to work on myself also. It kinda hurts when I thought that have been showing love to my wife all these years and now she talks about all the bad things I have done. It was just over a year ago that she was bragging about me to her friends. about how I really help her out and what a great guy I am.


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Joe,

I also bounce between a lot of emotions as well. I am in month 2 since BD and it is extremely hard, especially the detaching part.

Don't think you are alone in this.


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Thank You. It has been 8 months since BD for me. Yes I am really struggling with detaching. But I am doing better. I also am doing alot better at our talks. I don't point the finger at her. Instead I take responsibility for what I have done and I am trying to learn from it. It has been a very lonely 8 month of this. We started having problems 10 months ago. But she actually told me she was having mixed feelings about 8 months ago.


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Kinda feel like a wimpy sucker!! Whining on here. If I didn't care, I would just walk away. But I do care ALOT!


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So you are okay with her side job?


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Emotion, yet peace.
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No I am not okay with it. That is what kinda started all our fighting. But I am kinda at loss as to what to do. We have 2 small kids at home. Plus I take my vows serious. Our agreement when she talked about the job was if anyone of us was uncomfortable than we would change it. She does have a few health issues so she has worked from home alot. And now she says she is thinking about herself and this gives her a way to make money. The money thing has become VERY important to her.


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How long has she been working that job? How much does she make?


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Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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Almost a year. Makes decent money. We have changed some things and moved to save some money. So really she does not have to work to hard from home for us to be okay. I make good money. She says she wants things of her own. A job, her own room, her own money. At least that is what she said awhile back. But I still for almost everything. She wanted a new truck and that is why she is working so hard at what she does. But they need my wages for her to get a loan. I told her I would be happy to help her get the truck, but I am not going to get on her loan if she is planning on leaving our marriage. I told her I am just protecting myself. She said she does not want out of the marriage. She is just tired of the fighting. I told her that we did not fight like this before this job thing came up. Before this problem, we had arguments but nothing like we have been having. I guess I just don't want to share my wife that way.


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I have a question about doing 180's. My wife has told me that she felt unappreciated and felt like a door mat in our past. So wouldn't detaching be like doing more of the same as I did before. I never meant for her to feel like that. I just did not know how to show her love like I should have.


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Divorce Final 2/25/16
"It works if you work it!"

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