Hi jacking my own thread back - although I am not sure that is correct, since it is my thread, I want to work on the
MLC Welcome thread again with my new MLC resource link. Also a few other adjustments - Thanks Wonka, Job and anyone else that helped. _____________________________________________________________________
Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read. This POST is under reconstruction and we will be working on this as time goes by, this is the most current version.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.
I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about him/her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep, exercise and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first. Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your H/W has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
The only thing I am a little worried about is that we make this first thread so complex that they dont get anything out of it.
Cadet,
I was here in 2005/06 for a while, then left and came back last year. IOW, I'm not too far removed from "Newcomer-status" myself. I hear everyone loud and clear about the potential of the message becoming too long and overwhelming. That being said, when folks land here (if they're anything like I was), they are ready to gobble up ANYTHING and EVERYTHING they can get their hands on. They might not read/digest it all at once, but having such heavy-hitting information in one post is valuable. A godsend, even. They can always go back to it as they find time.
I mean, heck, if you think it might help - and even though it would add even a little MORE - maybe consider putting right at the top of your welcome message a "disclaimer" like: "This initial post from me is lengthy; do not feel you have to read it all at once. Come back to it as you have time to read and digest this information, which has been compiled by DB vets who have saved their marriages and/or themselves."
Just a thought.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
It is confusing! I suggest that you keep the original welcome thread as originally planned and separate out the do not share DR book and clearing the browser history in a second follow up post.
Resources in the first post and the second post focuses on not sharing the book and clearing the search history.
Here's another suggestion. Switch up going dark and Sandi's Rules.
I just saw you welcome post to SadDad today.
This is what you posted that needs to be changed.
"Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I would start with the going dark link."
Suggested change:
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I would start with the Sandi's Rules link. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reason is that many, many newbies make those same mistakes over and over. This is the very FIRST thing they need to read when they arrive here. It is an excellent roadmap FOR every newbie regardless of the situation they find themselves in here.
I want to say "thank you" for all of the work you do for the forum. You put in a lot of your time, not only helping others, but also consolidating all of the helpful links for posters. People tend to forget that you come here, just as we all do, searching for answers and providing advice whenever you can.
You should be promoted to a moderator!
Agreed.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 02/20/1507:37 PM.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
