Tootling along.

[Sotto]

Thanks so much all. I just emailed him along the lines of what I suggested above, but incorporating your suggestions Susana. Not done anything other than think about my sitch this morning and it's noon now! Think I'll get out for a walk now. I'll update you when there's further news.

T x

[edz]

Have a good one Toots

[susana4]

Let us know what he says Toots! And enjoy the rest of your day, hope the sun is shining there too

[Starsky309]

I still don't know status of A.

Then I find it impossible to advise you, as it's obviously key. I agree with the above V assessment -- Toots needs more intel.


Starsky

[Ontheup]

ill get told off now but you could have said

"tell someone who gives sh1t"

its just a joke everyone, I don't actually mean it

[jim0987]

Hi toots,

That's a really interesting development if I can say that for something like this.

I've got a couple of thoughts which I'll post later once the kids are in bed. The short version though is I didn't read it as an ending

Hope you've also got this lovely sunshine.

[Sotto]

Well, we have a good mutual female friend, who keeps in touch with us both, and is supportive of our M. I have held off asking her anything since I started DBing as it was 'against the rules.' To her, I have been presenting myself as moving forwards and enjoying what new life has to offer. I could ask her and ask that she doesn't tell H.

Otherwise, it's asking him direct (not very appealing, but is it best to be direct?) or asking a mutual male friend, but TBH that friend is more 'his' - tho I know he was against the A relationship. The final person is his XW, who again has been very pro our R and against the A. But that just feels a bit weird. Plus, I'm not sure who, if anyone, yet knows of his redundancy and I don't want to go around breaking that news to others...

[rd500]

Hi Toots, I would hold off asking, if he is, is that the end for you ? if he says no, can you believe him ? I know you keep upto date with my sitch (very kind, thank you) and my W still denies OM is anything but a good friend. I have asked her to just tell me when we are on our own and she can deny it 5 mins later but just to let me move on, she still denies it.

Asking could set back any pro M thoughts he is having or put you in a worse place.

Just a non vets thoughts,

take care, RD

[Starsky309]

ill get told off now but you could have said

"tell someone who gives sh1t"

its just a joke everyone, I don't actually mean it

I don't get it?

[Starsky309]

Well, we have a good mutual female friend, who keeps in touch with us both, and is supportive of our M. I have held off asking her anything since I started DBing as it was 'against the rules.' To her, I have been presenting myself as moving forwards and enjoying what new life has to offer. I could ask her and ask that she doesn't tell H.

Otherwise, it's asking him direct (not very appealing, but is it best to be direct?) or asking a mutual male friend, but TBH that friend is more 'his' - tho I know he was against the A relationship. The final person is his XW, who again has been very pro our R and against the A. But that just feels a bit weird. Plus, I'm not sure who, if anyone, yet knows of his redundancy and I don't want to go around breaking that news to others...

If you ask a cheater directly if they're cheating, and they're not anymore, they'll say "No, I'm not."

If you ask a cheater directly if they're cheating, and they still are, they'll say "No, I'm not."

Good luck with that, lol.

No, I wouldn't involve anyone else. All you can do is have independent intel in place, and if you don't you can TELL him (as in "Well, I would only be interested if OW were not still in the picture -- and I mean NO CONTACT -- my position hasn't changed on that"), but you can't ASK him.