Mehhh-- that makes you sound needy, imho. I'd rather see you do a cheery (but get-the-point-across) "YOU'RE WELCOME!" the next time she eats and begins to leave the room without saying thank you.
I'm still torn if I should confront the W about the EA. I am thinking of asking again but not pointing out that I have been snooping. I am thinking of asking her if she is in love with someone else. And she questions me on it I will just point out what I have observed in her behavior. I will not point out how she has been protective of her phone, BUT I will ask her if I can see it. If she refuses, I'll then point it out and say that I have my answer.
I'm still torn if I should confront the W about the EA. I am thinking of asking again but not pointing out that I have been snooping. I am thinking of asking her if she is in love with someone else. And she questions me on it I will just point out what I have observed in her behavior. I will not point out how she has been protective of her phone, BUT I will ask her if I can see it. If she refuses, I'll then point it out and say that I have my answer.
never, EVER ask. You either confront with a statement, if and when you have ROCK-SOLID evidence (and never EVER revealing the source of your intel!). You do this with a "I know all about you and ______, and it needs to stop. It's incredibly disrespectful to me, to our marriage, and (if applicable) to our family" . . .
. . . or you say nothing, and continue to monitor the situation.
ASKING is NEEDY and ACCUSING, and besides, you also have the problem of all cheaters lie . . . PERIOD. So if you ask her if she's in contact with OM, and she's not, she'll say "No, I'm not." And if you ask her if she's in contact with OM, and she is, she'll say "No, I'm not."
Good luck with that.
If she asks you how you know, you say "That's not important, I just do, so please stop lying to me about it -- it's incredibly disrespectful."
If she asks you WHAT you know, you say "I know everything." This way, if she doesn't know what you do know and what you DON'T know, she'll have to assume you know everything. There is much power in that.
never, EVER ask. You either confront with a statement, if and when you have ROCK-SOLID evidence (and never EVER revealing the source of your intel!). You do this with a "I know all about you and ______, and it needs to stop. It's incredibly disrespectful to me, to our marriage, and (if applicable) to our family" . . .
. . . or you say nothing, and continue to monitor the situation. ... Make sense?
Starsky
Yes, sir.
I think this has a lot to do with my emotions being all over the place. I will continue the detective work.
And please don't believe that just getting her to confess about OM ends it. If anything, it goes further with the announcement of how unhappy she has been for years, and bringing up all your faults.
You are not prepared to have such a conversation yet. She'll eat you alive.
Know what you are dealing with, and have a plan......before you see yourself pointing out certain things while confronting her.
First thing she'll do is catch you off guard, and then what? So, get a lot more DBing under your belt, first.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She did go out with a female friend Friday night. She voluntarily told me where she was going. I was not up when she got home, but I could hear her in the house when I went to the restroom around 11:30p.
Did some GAL Saturday and Sunday: worked out, haircut, new clothes, fixed stuff around the house and cooked nice meals for the boys and I.
Another thing: she's dong my laundry again. Before, she'd just pile it in a corner. Not sure what that means. She's also starting to complain again (mostly kid stuff, but I am listening!).
I have about 20 pages left on DB and DR should arrive today. I do have a statement about 180's though: one of my good friends mentioned that I used to spend a lot of time at the gym. And this is true, I used to workout 7 days a week for about two hours a pop. He said that my W may feel overwhelmed because with her new job she is having to get home and get the kids off to school. So, as I mentioned in the first thread, I have cut back on my morning workouts so that I can get home and help get the kids ready. IIRC, the DB book states that a 180 is something you do different that gets a positive response from your partner. Even though she doesn't say it, I can see that she appreciates that I am doing this. Same goes with the cooking that was stated earlier in the thread.
Still doing the detective work and logging as well. Nothing new to report on that front.
And as per Sandi2's advice, I have been making myself scarce in the evenings when she prepares for work. It is helping me detach.
When i got home this evening the W was up cleaning and helping the boys with homework. While I don't think this is the fog clearing, maybe she's at a thin spot?
