I won't share about the bills. But, I will share the document showing when the judge finally made a judgement on the child support and showing that I haven't it consistently, etc...
Ok. I can handle this.
The DEVIL is a big fat liar.
Keep building where I'm going.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Why would you need to share w/your company when the judge finally made a judgment on child support? This doesn't concern them, i.e., this is your personal business. However, if you have to go to Ohio then yes, they need to know about it as soon as possible.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
When I hired my lawyer, I got an itemized listing each month showing the dates, what type of work, the dollar amount for said work and a running tally of what I had paid and owed. You should ask your attorney for this information. It should be readily available and sent to you on a monthly basis. At least that way, you can see what you are paying for.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I just looked up individuals who were fired and used the situation to reach their potential. Not saying I'm getting fired...but, showing there are lots of successful people who have been dealt bad cards.
God must want me to have some thick skin at the end of all of this.
Why me? Not in the sense that Why Me as in poor me...but, why me? in the sense that I'm this introvert who would be perfectly happy as a sheep farmer. Why am I being pushed to to all this standing up for myself and crap and speaking up and dealing with public...he!! just dealing with one person a day is a big deal for me?? I don't get it.
God keeps putting Eleanor Roosevelt's name in my head. I know she was very shy and forced to push through it.
I see where I'm coming from with wanting to share the details with the company. When I received the atty email this morning...it was like..."SEE!! Holy shid. SEE! What I've been dealing with??"
I felt this validation that I'm not crazy or lazy and I really am trying, but keeping facing these ridiculous obstacles.
I'm not a victim. God must have something awesome in store to push this shy, insecure person through all this.
A weaver. That's where I should be...I should be weaving on a loom. A newspaper editor? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Okay, you've calmed down and are feeling a bit better. So, let's move on to today. What are your plans for today? Are you cleaning your home, running errands, grocery shopping, reading a good book and what about D12? What is she doing?
Time to get back to taking care of Heather in the real world.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Made a list of some of what I need for the paper. Listed what things I need to tackle today and tomorrow.
I'm feeling a lot of clarity this morning about D12 and how she "[censored] me dry"...my mother's words. She does. Not her fault. She focuses on me because she only has me to focus on...that will change.
I just asked for 2 hours of alone time.
It's funny. I'm a huge Agatha Christie fan and one of the things I identify with in Poirot and Miss Marple is how they digest information. They get quiet and sort allow information to soak into their bones to come up with solutions. I do that. I NEED that. With D12 in my face 24/7, it's very difficult for me to focus and sort out what my next step is...Again, not her fault. But, something that has to change.
At home, homeschooling was different. The network was larger and the weather was better and we lived within a mile or two of three of D12's best friends. Here, homeschooling is still something odd and there isn't the network like in Ohio. I think I'm excited for her with this school idea.
Not blaming myself as much today for this situation. Accepting it is what is and how to handle it.
I will NOT be going to Ohio this week. I'm sick of this crazy d and I'm sick of waiting on support and I'm sick of it being a constant "in my face" stress...
It's snowing hard. I'm going to take a few hours of down time. Take a bath. Shovel some. Get a grocery list going. Pay some of the rent.
Ok. Getting overwhelmed. I will stop there for now. I'm going to chill until 1 p.m.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Hi Heather, Let me tell you, I can so relate to what you are going through. I just started a new job in a field that I have zero experience in and must learn while at the same time having to deal with the D, the kids, NEVER having enough money to make ends meet. You are NOT alone.
As for job talking about not getting on the forum during the work day, I know that in my last business, I did spend too much time here when I should have had making that work 100% on my mind. I needed the support, the advice, the "kick in the pants" when I felt ready to just give up but at the same time to make that business work, it needed all my attention. You have come far enough that you don't "need" these things as much. You know what everyone here is going to say before they post it. Yes, it helps to see it on the screen but you do know. Time is not on your side and for now, your job needs as much attention as you can possibly give.
From what you wrote about the meeting, let me tell you, they like you and really want you to make this paper work. YOU to make it work. While studying how to do my new job better, I came across a web site that may be of some help to you in finding stories. It's called Helpareporter.com. Reporters post requests for experts in almost any field you can think of to help them with stories. The experts like it because it gets their name and their business's name out in the public free. So, if you need to write a story about a subject you don't know very well (or at all) you just post a request for an expert to answer your questions and give you ideas. I don't know if it will help but I thought of you when I saw it. There are many resources out there now that weren't available in the past to help you. Time to find some of them.
About your lawyer and the D. If he wants you to pay him, he needs to do his job and part of that job is to make sure you are getting your support payments and on time! Saying "I don't know" is unacceptable. If his client isn't getting what the court has ordered, HE needs to make sure that the court knows, Smokey's lawyer knows and that Smokey can be ARRESTED for not paying his support on time. In my state they will take the support right out of his pay and send it to you and he can't stop them. Most states have had it with deadbeat dad's (and moms) and if he is dragging his feet about making payments that is exactly what Smokey is! The money isn't yours...it belongs to your D and he needs to understand that she is still his responsibility crisis or not! He can afford it, you can't afford to do it all alone.
Lastly, if you are going to make it, you need to get caught up on all your bills. It is so much easier when you aren't behind on everything. You are behind because Smokey hasn't been doing his share, no other reason. If he had been paying all along, you would be in a much better position right now. Ask your mom for some help. I know how hard it is as I have had to do the same from my parents. I have found that they want me to succeed. They know that it wasn't my fault that my W did this when she did and how she did. If you can get help from her to get caught up and also get your lawyer to make Smokey pay what he NEEDS to pay, it will be so much easier to make it work. If you don't catch up, the late fees ($225 for rent already!) are going to eat you up and you will have a much harder time not only making the money work but the stress from knowing that you can't pay will invade everything including your ability to do your job. Everything is harder when you have that kind of worry to deal with!
Heather, in the past I have told you that you are my hero. You STILL are! You have come so very far and grown so much in such a short time. Try to remember back when the only things you thought you could do were getting more people in your summer camp and taking more tutoring jobs. Your world was so much smaller then. Now you have moved hundreds of miles, got a job as editor of a weekly paper, are taking care of yourself and your D on your own. Think about how different you are now then you were just last summer! How far you have come. You can't be defeated now, not when you have come so far. The obstacles you face now are different then the ones you overcame then but not any harder. You overcame those, you can overcome these new ones as well!
Matt sent Louisa a lovely v-day card apologizing for being a shiddy dad the last couple years...it's been 3 years. Sent her 20 bucks. She was touched and I kept telling her how nice.
Shoveled Cleaned litter boxes Made grocery list Called my mom-told her my financial sitch-didn't ask for money--couldn't do it--but she knows
Off to grocery
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I just looked up individuals who were fired and used the situation to reach their potential. Not saying I'm getting fired...but, showing there are lots of successful people who have been dealt bad cards.
God must want me to have some thick skin at the end of all of this.
Why me? Not in the sense that Why Me as in poor me...but, why me? in the sense that I'm this introvert who would be perfectly happy as a sheep farmer.
Originally Posted By: LoisB
I see where I'm coming from with wanting to share the details with the company. When I received the atty email this morning...it was like..."SEE!! Holy shid. SEE! What I've been dealing with??"
So what I am hearing you say is that:
-your less than stellar work -'inability' to produce quality work
Is not your fault. It is all because of "outside" forces are conspiring against you.
What I am reading here is that you are not taking full responsibility for YOUR contribution to this problem.
Facts:
-You spend way TOO much time here in DB forums during the work day hours thus distracting you -You hide behind "homeschooling" as why you cannot work at the company offices M-F because "no one" would be there to take care of D12 -You readily admitted to having a young buck write your article because of "lack of time" or "overwhelmed"...which resulted in shoddy work
Whose fault is that?
I suggest that you recognize what has NOT been working that led you and company to this point.
This means that you ALONE will be responsible for taking the reins of your employment issues and figuring out what requires your immediate attention.
This will entail the following:
-Ceasing posting on DB forums during the course of work day from 9 am to 6 pm -Ceasing posting on DB forums when it's all hands on deck in getting the paper out to the printing press -Attending to any D-related matters during evenings/weekends. If you need to talk with L, do so during lunch hour -Setting meetings asap with both editors to ask for input on how you can IMPROVE your work -Take advantage of the editor's offer to show previous issues of papers he's worked on -Enroll D12 in public school -Make after school care arrangements (after school programs, baby sitter) until you arrive home from work -Plan for when the summer school is out (baby sitter, camps, etc)
Your company is paying for your time and energy on the newspaper...not on DBing or whatnot.
You alone have to decide to make this happen and SUCCEED.
You had a role in this breakdown. Take charge and own it. Make it count.
Show them that you're number #5 (from raliced's post)
First off...I'm most definitely a #5 and that's even if I choose to post here daily. I'm inherently a #5 and will always be a #5. Whether I'm fired or given a standing ovation by my bosses at the end of all this. I AM A #5.
-If I, in ANY way, haven't conveyed my deep embarrassment and shame over this situation at work...believe me...I'm deeply aware of the fact that I've accepted money for a job I haven't done. I'm horrified and ashamed and full of ick over this fact. But, I'm also aware of the fact that I've had a lot of things drawing on my attention. Money being the biggest.
I came to this state and this job to reinvent myself, only to find myself--dealing with the same shame and insecurities. This was not the plan. But, I'm still here. I'm still employed, if barely...but I am still standing. And, I took every hit yesterday from that publisher who sounded a lot more like Smokey with each vent. I took it. I owned it and, then, I came here to digest the information. It was A LOT of information to digest.
I have NO ONE HERE. NO ONE. It's me and D12. That's it.
I need to speak up about a few things that keep coming up...
-My posting here. I have been posting a lot, again...yes. And, I have done it during the weekdays. I do, however, work weekends. My week, until now, has been running full bore on Sat, Sun, Mon and Tuesd with a bit of a reprieve on Weds and Thurs...The paper goes to press on Tuesday nights. And, it pi$$es me off that I am in a position that I have to defend my schedule to you guys.
AGAIN, I have no one here to vent to. I'm in a new place and I'm terrified and I'm dealing with divorce issues I've never had to deal with before. I filed for divorce less than a week before I started my new job. In hindsight, that wasn't the best choice for me. But, it is what it is. And, I don't have family support. My family is sick of this situation...as am I.
Without these boards, these past few months...I most definitely would have blown my brains out.
-I'm willing enroll D12 in school. I spoke to the super yesterday. I have D12 slowly coming on board. But, until you've raised a child with special needs and had to deal with the public school situation that we did at home...You have no idea what we went through in Ohio with D12. It was years of IEP's and 504's and some legitimate trauma that the school imposed on my daughter. That's why I'm so protective. They diminished her struggles completely and told me I was crazy. It took the Cleveland Clinic to validate my concerns...but, this was after they, literally, carried her into public school...in front of a school full of children...The vice principal carried her kicking and screaming into school and told me it was the best thing for her. I didn't know she had Asperger's. I stood by and allowed them to drag her into school in front of all these children...A child who has terrible social anxiety and I had to watch while she kicked and screamed and begged for me. That's after two years of lying to her and dragging her to counselors and begging the staff to take my concerns seriously. She would hurt herself in order to get out of school. WE spent 3-4 hours each day with D12 screaming and throwing things because of her stress and frustration over school. That's what our life was like when she was in school. So, yes, I'm apprehensive.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
