God Mac00 I need to go back and read yours from the dead beginning. The above sounds like we are married to the same cheating W. All she has done is threaten me "then if that is what you want, then file" but has no plans to do anything, never has. Isn't leaving, isn't helping around the home and keeps running constantly in my sitch. Yet thinks we are the devil for bringing up reality. The audacity right?
Me:39 W:33 Married 6/07 D6 Found out about affair 9/14
Preaching to the choir my man. The reality for mine, perhaps may be sinking in, after this a.m. I'm not lifting a finger to enable her behavior. I'm hurting the kids? No, I'm trying to be honest with them, prepare my oldest and keep the family together. If you loved me like you say you do, you'd just go! No, I stay BECAUSE I love you. You're being an A$$hole! No, I understand where I went wrong, identify and take ownership of the role I played in your emotional detachment, understand and FORGIVE you for going where you mistakenly think things will be better, and am here when the chips fall; and they will. I'm being a husband.
"Sometimes, if ones' words are not better than silence, once should be silent."
If we file, it's easier for them when we're gone. Another thing "we" did to "them". A means to allow them NOT to take ownership. And they need to to start the healing process.
"Sometimes, if ones' words are not better than silence, once should be silent."
I tried something I thought was appropriate, and said something like "at this point do you seriously think I need to give you answers to your questions?"...set her off even more
Mac00, hang in there. I remember my W picking up my phone and going through it in front of my face. I politely asked her what she thought she was doing and since I had looked at hers to verify the PA, she said turnabout was fair play. I smiled and said since I have nothing to hide, enjoy looking at my phone. She handed it back. I still haven't put a password protection on it as I truly have nothing to hide.
During her spew, she told me she thought I have a lawyer and was going to start the divorce process, and would be the one leaving the house. I calmly told her I had a lawyer, yes, so I knew my legal rights and obligations, but I had no intent on filing for or paying for a divorce that I never wanted. She freaked and says now SHE'S $%&#@+- stressed over 'what I'm doing' and that I'm hurting the kids by making her be the one to file and find a place to live, away from a house their comfortable in. (I guess dad is suppose to accept the A, find a place to rent, pack, move, find money to buy furniture, ect.) Then she tells me she's been planning to leave since June/July, followed by "I don't have a plan to deal with this...at least I confirm my own thoughts, she had no intent to leave, until she got caught. She even said, that yes, if I didn't find out, she'd still be pretending we're good until her plan was ready...like I said tho, there was no plan. Got caught, now freaking out.
One thing I'd encourage you to do is NOT feel like you need to have an answer for every one of her questions, or even necessarily a response. And if you do respond, there's always stand-bys like "I'm sorry you feel that way." or "Yes, I have heard you that you feel ________. I get it." Or, shorter, "Yes, I get it" or "Yes, I hear you." Or just shake your head, stare at her incredulously, and say "Wow."
During her spew, she told me she thought I have a lawyer and was going to start the divorce process, and would be the one leaving the house. I calmly told her I had a lawyer, yes, so I knew my legal rights and obligations, but I had no intent on filing for or paying for a divorce that I never wanted. She freaked and says now SHE'S $%&#@+- stressed over 'what I'm doing' and that I'm hurting the kids by making her be the one to file and find a place to live, away from a house their comfortable in. (I guess dad is suppose to accept the A, find a place to rent, pack, move, find money to buy furniture, ect.) Then she tells me she's been planning to leave since June/July, followed by "I don't have a plan to deal with this...at least I confirm my own thoughts, she had no intent to leave, until she got caught. She even said, that yes, if I didn't find out, she'd still be pretending we're good until her plan was ready...like I said tho, there was no plan. Got caught, now freaking out.
btw, this ^^^^ shows she's SPINNING. This is GOOD.
She freaked and says now SHE'S $%&#@+- stressed over 'what I'm doing' and that I'm hurting the kids by making her be the one to file and find a place to live, away from a house their comfortable in. . . . Then she tells me she's been planning to leave since June/July, followed by "I don't have a plan to deal with this..."
A: "I'm sorry that you didn't think this through, and that your choices are causing you stress. No matter what you might feel about be right now, I do NOT enjoy seeing you stressed. You're a bright woman though -- I'm sure you'll figure it out."
See, now she's mad and I'm the A-hole. She was under the impression I was doing everything regarding step/divorce. She didn't do anything, nothing at all. She's been taking with the EA like there's no tomorrow, happy. After all, "I" was the bad guy, "I" was the one "doing" something to her. She now is coming to the realization "she" has to get her hands bloody..SHE is going to be the disruption in our kids lives. SHE is going to have to spend time away from her "everything is going so well for me" life. And that [censored].
"Sometimes, if ones' words are not better than silence, once should be silent."
