Hi there! Things are going ok. I thought a lot about whether or not I wanted to bring up the conversation about his move out date. I decided against it. It just felt a bit selfish, I was really only doing it to calm my nerves, and I felt like by bringing it up I wasn’t doing a good job of detaching. So I have been busy GAL’ing, and had a great weekend with my D, family, and friends. It was really one of the best weekends I’ve had in a really long time.
So yesterday, my H came home, and was in a good mood, spending time with my D and me. And I asked him what he thought we should do about her upcoming B day. I was prepared for a very negative response, but he surprised me by going along with my idea to have a party for her, including his family and mine. He said it was going to be very awkward, and I said that I thought everyone would be mature enough to focus on our D for the day.
Then later that night, he gave me a brief update about how he is still having issues with his new living arrangement. He didn’t give me specifics. But I feel like that was his way of telling me he is still pursing it.
And I am okay with that. At this point, I have had plenty of time to get used to the idea.
I have told my three best childhood friends, all who live in different cities and don’t interact with us or our social circle, about our situation. Well today, they sent flowers to my house. He saw them, and saw who they were from, and he sent me a text, letting me know, and said “so I guess you told them.” I said yes, I told them three weeks ago. He then asked if I had told my best friend who does live in our city and knows all our friends. I said No, which is the truth. He didn’t respond.
I don’t know if he is upset, but honestly, he told me he was going to talk to his friend about our situation, so I don’t feel bad for doing the same. I was getting to be in a dark place and having my closest friends supporting me has been very helpful.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
Sounds like a good thing that you put off the conversation about him moving.
Honestly, you sound much better than you did just a couple of weeks ago. You are doing well with only sharing your situation with your 3 friends.
Keep on keeping on.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Well today my family told me that they don’t feel comfortable doing a birthday party with my H and his family. I am very disappointed. I hate that my D's life events that were supposed to be so wonderful…her first Xmas, her first bday…are being completely over shadowed by our R drama. I don’t know what to tell my H. I don’t want to push him away by telling him my family doesn’t feel comfortable around him.
Last edited by Marylov; 02/12/1509:07 PM.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
I know I just decided against asking him about his move out date...but should I use this birthday party to figure out what in the world he is planning/thinking about "us"? I don't think he wants to stay, but he doesn't seem desperate to leave? My pleading and such has stopped, and I haven't asked him anything about us since at the retreat. No I love yous. I am trying to be patient with this process, but at some point I wonder if I am avoiding....
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
Well we had the conversation. He told me that he wants to separate and that the only reason we've been getting along at home is because he hasn't been interacting with me. He wasn't mean in the way he said it, just very matter of fact. So there we have it I guess. It was what I was expecting but it still hurt to hear it. He had met with a friend about a month ago to talk about our situation but he never told me what came of it. Well today he told me his friend recommended to do whatever he had to do to make him (my H) happy. I am so disappointed he has yet to get any advice to stay and work on our marriage. What a crappy world we live in. Anyways, he did tell me he wants some space to think, and honestly it can't come soon enough. We both need space.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
Marylov, I'm so sorry to hear that - nothing useful to say, but sending hugs to you
(((Marylov)))
I've spoken to a few people (reconciled) who were really glad (in the end) that they S as it needed to happen. Maybe that's the case for you guys too. Take care x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
The way you handled it is a 180 for you. Sounds like you handled it from a calm place. I'm sure you have found that it isn't as emotionally taxing when you don't get worked up.
Like Toots said, sometimes separation is a good thing. Continue to utilize your time wisely. Continue GAL, and addressing issues. That's a never ending process.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Well I was calm during our conversation but I am sadly still pretty emotional about it. I feel like I am grieving. i just had to leave my office because I can't stop thinking about how our potential divorce is going to affect our daughters life and I started tearing up at my desk. Luckily no one was around but it is still not good to be crying in your office.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
