I should have said "clearly still loves you." The IN-love thing is feelings-based, and obviously that's not where she is right now. But if she no longer loved you, I don't think she'd be this upset.
I'm not saying it's good because I want to see her devastated and in tears. I'm saying it's good because perhaps she's QUESTIONING the path she is on, and because -- as they say -- the opposite of love isn't hate, it's APATHY.
The depth of her passion on the subject shows that she's still in love with you, and the erratic behavior and poor decision-making shows me that she does not have a well-thought-out plan.
AllenA used to very cogently point out how a wayward's decision-making options are pretty much boiled down to:
1) Keep having my affair, and keep my husband/wife as Plan B until I decide for sure what I want to do;
2) End my affair, and return to work on my marriage with my spouse;
3) Keep having my affair, and make the decision to END my marriage over it, because my affair partner is more important to me than my spouse is.
What you want to do with an early, strong "I will not live in an open marriage, and I won't wait forever" stance is remove #1 as a viable option for them, forcing them to choose between #2 and #3.
The RUB is, however, that many (most?) people are so co-dependent and so TERRIFIED that their spouse will choose #3, that they are afraid to remove #1, and therefore they stand no chance of their wayward spouse ever choosing #2.
Is it a risk? Sure, but unless you're willing to live with the SHEER HELL of #1 -- "limbo" -- it's a risk worth taking, in my opinion. Because limbo will kill you ... especially us men.
Starsky
That's what I was hoping for as well when you said it was good. I hated seeing her like that, team s in her eyes, even I wanted to cry, but I can't. Not now. I just want her to think long and hard, to at least start that process.
"Sometimes, if ones' words are not better than silence, once should be silent."
I should have said "clearly still loves you." The IN-love thing is feelings-based, and obviously that's not where she is right now. But if she no longer loved you, I don't think she'd be this upset.
Well, way I see it, its she still loves me, or, I'm not "allowing" her to be with OM
"Sometimes, if ones' words are not better than silence, once should be silent."
Believe it or not, I've actually heard reports on here -- MULTIPLE reports -- of wayward wives screaming at their betrayed husbands "YOU RUINED MY AFFAIR!!!"
I should have said "clearly still loves you." The IN-love thing is feelings-based, and obviously that's not where she is right now. But if she no longer loved you, I don't think she'd be this upset.
Well, way I see it, its she still loves me, or, I'm not "allowing" her to be with OM
"Sometimes, if ones' words are not better than silence, once should be silent."
Believe it or not, I've actually heard reports on here -- MULTIPLE reports -- of wayward wives screaming at their betrayed husbands "YOU RUINED MY AFFAIR!!!"
That would be the icing. She asked me today. "And how do YOU know he doesn't care what's happening to our family? Hint lady; he's not helping when he's interacting with my wife behind my back.
"Sometimes, if ones' words are not better than silence, once should be silent."
Believe it or not, I've actually heard reports on here -- MULTIPLE reports -- of wayward wives screaming at their betrayed husbands "YOU RUINED MY AFFAIR!!!"
That would be the icing. She asked me today. "And how do YOU know he doesn't care what's happening to our family? Hint lady; he's not helping when he's interacting with my wife behind my back.
Oh, and he's just " helping" her through this tough time.
"Sometimes, if ones' words are not better than silence, once should be silent."
I don't think she'd be this upset either. Oh, no problem, I'll file...and 7 months to 'plan' and then have nothing to go with? Fail to plan, plan to fail the Army taught me.
"Sometimes, if ones' words are not better than silence, once should be silent."
