The posters have given you good advice. When he calls, let it go to voice mail and then you can determine later whether you want to respond on not. He is not your friend...if he were, he wouldn't have continued going on and on after you told him that you couldn't have any additional stress. In the future, refer him to your lawyer.
When he comes to pick up the children, go into another room or better yet, have a friend or family member meet him at the door or drop them off to him. You do not need this added stress.
As for the insurance and wanting to move on w/his life...shame on him. He's just going to have to wait a while longer for that life, isn't he? Your main focus is taking care of YOU and then your children. He's not even part of the plan right now. He is a very selfish sob who has no empathy for what you are going through.
Don't pick up that phone again if he calls. He's not worth it and you do not need the added stressors.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm so very sorry that your h is being the ultimate dou&he. I realize that isn't nice and sometimes it's just best to call a spade a spade. You have received wonderful advice. Please take it!!!
You don't have a plate my friend- you have a platter. You don't need to talk about anything with him. Any man who is threatening to take away insurance or tell you others are battling cancer without insurance is in the running for pr!ck of the year. I realize you are religious and don't want to offend you with the language but this sitch has me feeling feisty.
Focus on you and your kids. Your health is paramount so please take care of yourself. Ignore him. Limit your stress (I realize that seems like a ridiculous suggestion considering all you are going through). Please focus on you. You deserve it as do your kids !
Take care and sending you positive thoughts.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
He is a selfish a$$. You are the mother of his children! Now is the time for you to be self caring. The only things you should be having to deal with are you kids and your health. I am a Nurse and I can tell you stress is the worst thing for a Cancer patient.
You deserve peace and healing. Prayers and healing light sent your way
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Thank y'all sooo much for your advice, thoughts and prayers. Just reading y'all's advice helps me in so many ways. Y'all are right. I have to ignore him for now. Ugh!
My DH's aunt said i really need to just break some old plates and cry if i have too. Do everything to release anger and stress without hurting anyone. So far, no plates "or platters " just some crying.
I've been praying a lot more too and I pray that I'm following the Lord's direction.
So far, my oldest child has thanked me for standing up for my children and for myself. I appreciated these tender words. I know my older children understand to a point but i still pray for all of my children. I want them to still love their father even when he's acting weird.
On a good note, today my mom gave me some money to treat myself to a massage and a facial so that i can relax. I'm looking forward to it since I've never had that before.
I know i should focus on my health and my children...praying for my focus not to be swayed...especially by the "enemy".
Again, thanks y'all. May God grant all y'all wisdom, health and love.
Btw- today didn't hear from him...so though it's a relief.. I still dread any contact with him cuz i know he's angry. Praying for peace too. Keep y'all posted.
That's more like it! A facial. I need one of those too :-)
Friend, on these boards, you are surrounded by women and men who put everyone else first for years...decades and rarely spoke up for themselves...me, for starters. We are a merry band of fixers and faced, in MLC, with something we can't fix. No matter how much blood, sweat and tears we shed.
I've sacrificed the needs of my children, for an a$$hat of a husband. Sacrificed my own happiness and serenity, for the needs of someone who isn't capable of appreciating me. Been there, done that.
Just for today...just THIS ONE DAY...put YOURSELF FIRST. Do whatever you need to do to protect your heart and health...which, in turn, protects your children.
He is toxic.
The greater your blessing at the end...the harder the Devil fights to keep you in "your" place. You must have some awesome blessings around the corner because the Devil is fighting hard to keep you down.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Vge - i have been away from boards for a while ( own hiccups in my story) so just caught up with yours.
I am so so sorry and sad to hear your latest news. You are coming across amazingly strong under the circumstances.
Everyone is giving you great advise - ur h is truly not someone to allow in your life, he sounds in a very toxic world of his own - please don't let him drag you down with him; you deserve so much better.
Vge - it sounds like you are entering a double battle; your health and ur h - the most important one to focus on and win is your health - let your atty fight the one with h for you. Don't let him rattle you, he is the lowest of the low trying to push you while you are so unwell. His lack of consideration for his children astounds me, they need both parents united at a time like this - Vge; i cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling, but please know i am thinking about you and sending you prays and love xx
The greater your blessing at the end...the harder the Devil fights to keep you in "your" place. You must have some awesome blessings around the corner because the Devil is fighting hard to keep you down.[/quote]
Thanks LouR for your advice too.Sorry that those hiccups happen in your journey.
I so appreciate this forum. I know that everyone has tough battles. Sometimes others seems harder but really they are all the same cuz they are all battles. Battles of the spirit, battles of the heart, battles of the mind, battles of the body, etc. Have courage my friends - these times are temporary. Glory is coming!!
Just knowing that we are all in this battle together has helped me see that I am not alone. Y'all are amazing!
Thank you for the encouragement and prayers too. Praying for y'all!
Ok. So I am dealing with some physical pain - UGH!! not good. Don't want to feel pain. I just pray that cancer is going away NOT growing.
I scheduled some counseling for my children. The counselor suggested I fill out a benevolence fund application to see if they could help pay for this counseling. I hope so. I know my children REALLY need someone to talk to without it being so subjective. I only mentioned my plans about this to my two older children.. so far they're receptive. Hoping this really helps all of them.
And yesterday - wouldn't you know it---my van started an engine light blinking thing. I know it needs major work, like brakes (low), flush things, it has a small crack in the windshield and the shocks for the tailgate lift stopped working. I just want the engine to be okay then move on to the other necessary items. I'm praying!
I really don't want to tell my DH cuz then he'll turn it around on me. Like - what did you do? I'll say - I didn't do anything - it just came on while I was driving. Then his next point will be on him - he'll say, "well,my vehicle needs brakes, tires, etc. and the truck also needs another battery, a tune up, a paint job, etc.." In essence, he has two vehicles and I have one. I've never prohibited him to get the battery for the truck cuz I know that's a more reliable vehicle than his other one. We both need stuff done for our vehicles so I pray mine isn't costly or dangerous to drive.
Don't need any more stress and yet it likes to come in tsunami waves. Don't like it but I guess I'm learning that I need to continue to focus on the Lord, my health, and my children.
Sorry to hear your in pain - do u have pain relief you can take?
I hope ur car is still chugging on - how r u currently paying for things, is ur h stepping up in that department?
Vge, we never know what is around the corner, keep your faith something bright is around yours. You are handling all this so well - its amazing how we managed to dig deep and find a little more strength just when we don't feel we have any left. Know your in my prayers.
