Good morning! Last night I had dinner with some parents from D12s school and had a really fun time. Before they invited me I had planned to go to dinner with a meetup group. This was definitely more fun, more comfortable for me. I knew lots of other people at the restaurant/club and as the other parents and I talked we found tons of people we know in common. It was fun.
Yesterday was an almost NC day with H. He forwarded me a couple of emails from people he'd received about my job but we didn't really discuss anything.
Hi Rppfl. Sounds like you had a good evening and that's always got to be good.
Can I ask if you and H have a date set at the end of separation to discuss R ?
What's your thoughts on how it's going for you , are there signs that H is thinking over R or to you does it seem done and dusted. I only ask because you seem strong in your posts and you have had a lot of extra stress due to job etc but you remain strong
Hi RD. Yes, the separation agreement spelled out a defined S period of four months, at which point we would make a conscious decision what to do next. He moved out mid-November, so that date is mid-March. I feel like it's rushing towards me quickly. But I'm happy that there's a definite conversation date, that we aren't just limping along in limbo. The seven months we lived together after BD were like that, especially the three months of apartment shopping. That was he!! every day, not knowing what was coming next.
I think H is done and dusted. I don't see any signs whatsoever that he's considering R. As far as I know, he's still seeing the duck, he doesn't seem to give a flip about my personal life, isn't affectionate in word or touch (booty calls are about sex, not affection), never talks about the future. We haven't been on any dates, don't have any conversations outside kids and house and finances. We don't even fight, that would be showing too much emotion, not to mention there's really nothing to fight about. There is zero to indicate he's interested in me as a W.
I don't know what will happen in the mid-March conversation. I am not sure what I want. Neither one of us has ever used the word "divorce", not even once. Truth is, I'm content with S. A D would force us into some financial actions I'm not anxious to take, things are fine now.
It still bothers me that the February rent hasn't come out of his account, though. That indicates that either he paid it from a different account (that I don't have access to), or he thinks he's moving back. Both are disturbing.
Thanks for replying, i hope I wasn't to intrusive. I wouldn't read to much in to what you see with H as we have no idea what they are thinking If I went through everything my W said to me you would be convinced that W had her bags packed and was ready to move back !
As you well know I'm no expert but your H might be very comfortable now because he has months to go before any decision has to be made. My L/C has told me you are never able to know what the other person may be thinking and even if you did they could change their mind in a heartbeat.
I'm glad your strong because it gives others hope that we can get through this.
Thank you for all the support you continue to give me. I will make it my life mission to buy all the ladies and gents on this site dinner once I am out the other side ( it might be a McDonald voucher in the post ) but dinner it will be
Too intrusive? RD, I've shared a lot more personal things than that! LOL
It's true that H could secretly be thinking R. I just have a hard time believing that a guy could want to R and not show it. That there wouldn't be some sign. That he could basically ignore me as a W, as a woman, and then say, "yes, let's spend the rest of our lives together". I just don't think it works that way. After all, he's not DB-ing.
Dinner is confirmed. There are flights into MIA every day.
In the couple of months before we got together my wife was clear in her no not interested (less so in how she interacted as there was a lot of chemistry but said no very clearly) because she was worried what other people would think. She was determined we weren't going to be a couple and to keep me as a good friend, so threw herself into dating (slept with a couple of them) to try and distract herself from me but when that didn't work she changed her mind.
I say this because her feelings for me didn't change, But the way she behaved toward me shifted dramatically. To me though it was all very confusing (and quite hurtful when I think about it). So could be anything going on.
Not sure if its helpful but have you given any thought to what your redlines are?
I hope your enjoying the agenda free days.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
