W needs a real diagnosis of her physical state. If she is drinking then she may not be eating, hence the weight loss. Has she been tested for diabetes as that can cause weight loss too. There are several explanations.
All you can do is encourage W to seek a proper diagnosis. There is no guarrantee that she would share it though.
This is my approach with my H who as you know disintegrated into an unwashed pit of despair for a long long time.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Be sure your W follows through on getting help or at least see if someone in her family can guide her along. We've had cases on here where a depressed spouse actually does take their life. Be cautious.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
You'll have to guage what is happening with your wife from your own perspective as best you can but if you can help her to follow through seeking help thats a good thing. Sometimes things get dismissed as 'they arent serious' when they really are.
Whilst you've got some a lot going on in your situation which needs attention, I was wondering what you have planned to take care of yourself?
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
MrBond , Vanillia and Jim. Thank you all for your concern for W and myself.
Mr bond. I have giving W money for doctor but I have not heard of she has made appointment
Vanillia W is taking weed more than drink to my knowledge and needs it to sleep now. W would share most things with me re her health even to this day so I would hope I will find out if there is a physical problem
Jim. Very hard to judge W at the moment. Some days she seems fine but then kids will mention she was crying over something quite small and the next day she can be sobbing down the phone about what a mess her life is and she feels she is making a huge mistake , etc I am told by L/C I am to close to my sit sitch to see the wood for the trees. Re my own gal. Again it's hard with four kids , cooking ,' cleaning and a company ( all be it small) to run
On another note the lady I went to dinner with has been texting me recently and asking if I want to go out again , which does boost the ego somewhat but I think I need to settle into my new life a bit more first
Thank you all for posting , it means a lot. Take care all.Rd
RD the new lady friend just might be your ticket to getting out of the house. You don't have to marry her, just enjoy yourself for the evening. Forget everything else for a couple of hours. You need a mental break.
Now we are getting somewhere at long last. Some of the symptoms you described had certain parallels with my compulsive H but did not quite fit. If W is using cannabis especially skunk then she is in the compulsive behaviour land.
Weed has the following major effects 1. Weight loss, lack of saliva and poor teeth 2. Delusion and dehydration 3. Long term use triggers depression 4. Poor hygiene and a 'papery effect on the skin' ageing 5. Blood thickening and smoking adverse effects 6. Sexual dysfunction especially when combined with drink
This is easily googled RD.
It is very serious, risky long term behaviour. Does IC know this? , It will influence the help you will need and is vital for IC to know.
My lovely RD, what you are seeing is not just your W behaviour but that of the drug she is using. Cannabis is addictive. My H equally has addictive substances he uses mainly alcohol, cigarettes and junk food so I truly understand. W is most assuredly guilty and ashamed of the hash (deliberate) of her life and leaving her home is only one part of it. Her choice in leaving, being with a low life and spending her money on weed.
RD, in essence please get stronger boundaries and restrictions on W being at the house and having access to all of your lives. A great deal of the behaviour and attitude to W by your children makes more sense to me. In addition your W behaviour and not wanting it known she has left also become clear. This is not a secret to keep. In my opinion You must stay in your home.
RD, I am very concerned for my bow bells Irish DB friend and his amazing kids.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 02/07/1503:00 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi Vanillia. Not to sure about Ws physical problems as she has been ha I g them for about a year now and weed problem only really last six months I believe she is suffering the effects of stress. My W has degree and is not an unintelligent person but she would be shy and nervous under the surface. I don't think she is dealing with her new life well. When she was with my L/C she was under huge stress and L/C believes that's why W left. W told me last weds afternoon that she is still under huge pressure but now it's not from our R but from her own sitch
W is a really good person but seems to have changed dramatically over the last couple of years. Ian not detached but am showing it to W and she believes it , even to the point of her telling me so. I would even go as far as to say she thinks there is no home even if she wanted to. I have shown her that I care and told her I am here for her but when i look back at the conversations , the way I said the words and the tone used was friendly but cool She was just here to drop D13 home and was welled up with tears the whole time
It's really hard to see her struggling with her new life but I do appreciate that it's her choice. I suppose the time we spent together was mostly good and I loved her very much I am hoping that acting the detachment will develop into living the detachment
Sorry for the journaliling but I do feel it helps to get it out
Rppfl. I'm not sure about second date because I am almost irresistible when in dating mode and it's not fair for any woman to be put in that position as she would be powerless !!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to everyone. Your my lifeline. Take care. Rd
Rppfl. I'm not sure about second date because I am almost irresistible when in dating mode and it's not fair for any woman to be put in that position as she would be powerless !!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, RD, I should have realized this. Poor woman, she wouldn't know what happened.
