I think you have done a good job at keeping quiet about the money, etc., especially considering he has chosen to keep you in the dark about where he works, where he is during the day, all the while he's guarding his phone, withholding facts and truth, refusing to discuss it, not sleeping with you, buying a new car, and all the rest. I'm not saying there is no woman on Earth that would go along with supporting a H who did this............I'm just saying I have never known a woman who I think would do it. There are certain things we women need in a MR, and I think the part he isn't forthcoming about is a big part of it.
Even with the men joining in to give their vauled opinons to why a H might act like this.......it still seems so unacceptable from a spouse who was wayward. I mean, if it was a wife doing this after pulling those shinanigans, I would still say it is unacceptable behavior. There are many things in M that require patients, but then there are many things where I believe one should draw the line and say, "I cannot live in a marriage without trust (security, honesty, intimacy, or whatever the issue)".
I realize a lot of focus is placed on the changes made by the LBS. With that in mind, I maintain changes should be required from the wayward spouse, also. Your H showed he could change for a short period of time. Heck, I suppose anyone can do it temporarily. And as you have stated, why the sudden complete opposite from what and who he was when he was wanting you back so badly? As a woman, I can understand how important it would be to have that question answered. Was he just faking who he really is? Does he have a split personality? I can understand having patients if you have an inkling to what you are dealing with. That is one of the reasons I devote the majority of my posting to the LBH'S, b/c I try to clue them in about the mindset of a wayward wife. But honey, I just don't know about this guy. I don't know if he's fighting the old urges of his wayward nature or if he is completely ........lost.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You girls may have to bare with me while I'm drinking my wine and waiting for my color to process i may have too much wine and get a little off track.
Elsa - I go back and forth from pursuing to not pursuing. Still figuring that out. My problem is I want instant gratification. I need to work on doing something and sticking with it and being patient.
Sandi - he seems lost. Well depressed. I'm sorry if I didn't clarify this. He has been sleeping in bed with me every night. He may stay on the couch watching tv and I go to bed but he ends up in our room every night. He also sends me a text on the nights he is going to ex boss's and tells me when he will be home. I have not checked up on him to see if nobody else is there but I haven't felt the need to.
He sent me a text a little bit ago asking me when we would be home. I just replied that I wasn't sure. I would text him when I had a better idea.
As the story gets more confusing ... H texts me and asks me if I'm not going to be late maybe we can do something just us or with the kids. He offered to drive out here (I'm Downtown which is about an hour from home)
I said that I was still getting my hair done and had plans to meet my girlfriends. He could grab the kids if he wanted if not maybe we could do something if I wasn't done too late. I said 'I'm probably going to be awhile'
He responded with he still had to feed the dogs and walk them and take a shower and I have plenty of time seeing how he takes a long shower and the dogs take forever. I just responded with haha
Last night was great. My hair turned out amazing.. Seriously how come I can never style it the way it looks when I leave the salon?! Lol
Anyway H had messaged me about coming out and I had told him I would probably be out awhile with my girlfriends but if I wasn't too late maybe we could meet up. He decided to leave the boys at my brothers. H ended up texting me around 10 that he was on His way into town. We ended up meeting at a bar/restaurant for a late dinner.
Dinner was good, I had a little liquid courage which was helpful lol. H told me he received a call from the regional manager regarding the job in Ft lauderdale and he declined (woo hoo!). He just said it was too far and he didn't want to be away from home Monday through Friday. I kind of kept quiet on that one because I didn't want to sway things one way or the other and just said that's good. He then said they are pretty hopeful he will have this new position closer to him within the next couple months. So he said he just has to hang on a little longer at his current job until this one opens up. This will be the best thing for H. He will be commuting to the same city as me but he will be making more than double what he makes now (what he used to make before he took the paycut back in 2012).
We had a lot of laughs, he was very complimentary of my hair and my dress. I think it was a good decision. I had went back and forth on meeting him or not but at the end I decided I wanted to meet him so I should do what I want. Plus my girlfriends had been bar hopping since noon so they went in for the night when I left.
The hair, the dress, the girlfriends, the hard-to-get T0324, the pursuing H, the restaurant date, the good job news: yes, last night sounds great. Well-deserved.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Getting back to the basics. This is what I was doing when H turned around last time when Train started telling me these things. Not that this will sustain anything longterm but at least get him back to where I need to be comfortable that he's still here.
