Leaving that job felt a lot like I do about my M right now. It was a great run, I poured my whole self into it, I did the best I could, I have some great memories, and it's clear that I'm no longer valued. It's time to move on, and I can leave it behind with honor. There's something out there much better in my future.
Vanilla, I haven't decided exactly what I'm after here. I'm enjoying a few days with no agenda, and letting a little awkwardness die down on both sides.
Tomorrow I have lunch plans with former boss and then dinner out with new mom friends from D12s school. These are the same moms I had to explain a couple of weeks ago that "D12's dad will come pick them up". So at least they know we are S. I don't have to do any confessions. That's nice.
Day 2 of unemployment. I have to say it's pretty nice.
I received the severance payment as a direct deposit in my bank account today. I intend to transfer it out to a new account so that I can keep track of how much I'm spending. It occurs to me that I now have the means to pay a L retainer without H knowing about it. I'm not running off to the L's office today but its something to consider. I made a commitment not to file until the defined S is over and I'll honor that. What happens next depends on what kind of conversation we have then, but D is looking like a strong possibility. H has never once brought up reconciling, not even in theory. And I'm at the place where I'm ok with that. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me and clearly he doesn't.
Former boss 2 (the one I just left) texted me this morning to say he was sending a letter to the congregation explaining my position had been eliminated due to budget cuts. And proposing a Sunday to honor me for my years of ministry. I am ok with that, I've seen this played out more than once over the years. It's not really for me, it's for the congregation. Its a funeral of sorts, a way for them to come to terms with it. I was there for 17 years, involved in almost every ministry, and for some, the only remaining tie back to the retired priest they loved so much. They'll miss me.
Today I have a couple errands and lunch out with a friend. It's a beautiful day, we'll find a place with out door seating
It occurs to me that I now have the means to pay a L retainer without H knowing about it.
I know you are saying that he won't know now. Keep in mind that if it goes to D, everything becomes visible during the discovery process, so he'll know then. At that point, maybe neither of you care -- just saying nothing is invisible.
It occurs to me that I now have the means to pay a L retainer without H knowing about it.
I know you are saying that he won't know now. Keep in mind that if it goes to D, everything becomes visible during the discovery process, so he'll know then. At that point, maybe neither of you care -- just saying nothing is invisible.
Thanks, Zew, I do understand that. But if the decision comes to D, I won't care what he knows.
The L I've chosen is expensive. But H has spent many multiples of that on the apartment, rent, nice furnishings, extra parking for the duck. And I haven't forgotten the really large chunk of cash he took out and gave me a very lame excuse what he did with it. The L's retainer is a drop in the bucket, and I'm not going to cheap out on representation. I guess I don't want to tip my hand now because I feel like he's going to say we can settle this by ourselves and not spend a lot on Ls. But that's not the way it's going to be played.
I'm a big believer in things working out the way they are supposed to. A couple of months ago, I was thinking that if I was supposed to file for D, then the money for the retainer would miraculously drop in my lap. Hmmmmm......something to think about.
Is it possible that H sees things a little differently? Maybe he sees it as a set amount of time apart, and THEN talk about R?
With that being said, my reccomendation is to seek legal counsel. Knowledge is power.
Bdub, you are right, he might be waiting for the "big" conversation. But I'm kind of basing his lack of interest on other things, too. He's not showing any interest in me in general. This week's version had to do with a dr appointment. I went to see a hematologist. He knew that I was going. I texted him after the appointment with no reply. The next day we were texting about other things (kids) and I mentioned I'd like to talk to him about the dr visit. There are some genetic issues that could affect the children, you think he'd be interested in that at least. But he said he was busy, that he'd call later. He didn't, of course. And we still haven't talked about it. He just doesn't put any effort into me. Into the kids and family, yes. Into family finances, yes. Into RPP personally, no. And you think if he wanted to R, if he was even considering it, trying to keep the door open, he'd make some effort in this department.
I saw two Ls a few months ago, and have a good understand of how this all should play out if we go that route. The one I like most is the more expensive of the two. So be it. You are correct that knowledge is power.
