So, I made it clear to H that he cannot live in the same house as S14 and I while actively seeking affairs... so he has taken some clothes, and will be staying on couches with friends indefinitely, is my guess. My heart still really hurts, but I know that not seeing his every move will help me move forward, and help me not to hate his guts!!! LOL!!! I will take all the suggestions I can get on how to just deal...
T-Mom, I'm sorry it has come to this, but good for you for setting a boundary and sticking to it. My H moved out 2 1/2 months ago, against my wishes. In some ways, it gives you peace of mind that his behavior is no longer in your face. You just have to keep busy, in other words, GAL, so you don't have time to think about him.
Make some plans for the weekend. Call some friends. Join a meet-up group. You may have posted on previous threads what you are doing for GAL, but....what are you doing, T-Mom?
I GAL all along, and at the same time, S14 is my focus. I do visit with friends and do things with him, and I am always happy to just stay home and watch a movie with him, as well. My latest goal is to make my house more peaceful and positive. My plans are still the same as they were a year ago: Keep a stable environment and lifestyle for my son until he goes away to college...so 3 1/2 years more.
My main issue really seems to be keeping myself in check and not hating and lashing out at H. I know he has his own demons, and is in a constant struggle with them, just as I have mine. I do not smack-talk about him to S14, but I do have some serious resentment building up... sometimes I can be logical and sometimes I can lash out like the devil himself is spewing words and hatred out of my mouth... or text... I know mature love would be just wanting him to be happy, but honestly, I must not be mature! LOL... ish...
Hi T Mom - good for you. Whilst I'm sure everything feels really difficult right now, I think that's a really positive step. Your H now knows what you are and are not willing to tolerate and that sets a clear boundary. Who knows what will happen as a result, but for sure he will feel consequences going forwards.
For you, really best to adc 'as if' and move forwards with your life and S as though H is not coming back. Are you taking steps to try and better process your anger and resentment - holding onto these will hurt you most in the longer term...
Best of luck to you in this new phase TM - whilst it may be hard, look for some of the joy that it also brings and make the most of this.
T x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks, Toots. It is very difficult, but at the same time, I have been more relaxed without his comings and goings. I believe preventing more resentment is my first step, and that is so much easier right now. I think being physically separated will allow me to ease up on resenting and lessen the probability of more build up. I can definitely feel more detached now, and although he is still in contact with me, I have kept my end of it mainly about S14, and the house.
Hi T Mom - thanks for your vote of confidence on Edz thread! We do seem to need fortitude in droves in these sitched don't we? Sometimes it doesn't seem easy to come by!
It sounds like you're doing pretty well - in a healthy place, even if it isn't easy. It's good if things are more peaceful though. Maybe make the most of that and really appreciate the calm you now have. There is a flipside to that I found (lonely) so I have established some new routines at home - and GAL of course - to deal with that...it just takes a little time.
And I agree with V. I think you did well on the boundary front - good for you! T x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi, V! Thank you. It feels so much more relaxed at home,I must admit. How are you doing?
Same old, same old
Nothing will really shift until the house is sold. Then I can pay off H and the interesting times will start. Until then it is tax Nilla in charge and exercise V following a close second.
I originally set a target of the end of March for selling the house but have not pushed it.
Looking forward to a little of that relaxation.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hey there T-mom, It sounds like you have some room for some much needed t-mom time. I hope the distance allows you to look at your situation with an objective eye instead of the constant emotional reminders of the negative.
Way to enforce your boundary - it sounds like he was on board with the notion of moving out which helped with the transition.
How did your son react and take to this?
Keep up the great work!
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
