Part 11 - contents may be different than

[jim0987]

Beauty of leftovers - they cook from frozen.

Can I ask what you worry about if you did let that genie out? Don't worry if you'd prefer not to answer

[edz]

No I have no worries answering.

What worries me is where it goes. Yes could just be coffee with someone who becomes a friend but could lead to misunderstandings or could go somewhere far more complex.

Dont get me wrong if w can't ever decide to move on or if I get to a point where detachment gives way to distance then that may be the case. But I'll talk to w and well go our own way first. Would she give me the same courtesy? I'd like to think so but if not well....I know I'm me I suppose and have to be true to that. Maybe too much of a nice guy maybe just true to my moral self, wouldn't like to say.

Ultimately right now I want to try to rebuild my m more than I need company and If i want a coffee well i can call someone I know for now.

[edz]

Of course I suppose the argument could be made w did make that call by walking out but I decided to dB instead of move on to dating... I re read some old posts (not mine or about me) and I think it was Sandi who was talking about a was who was already gone so worrying about my w leaving is a waste of emotions, not so much scared of that just I want to see if I exhausted all my options for reconciliation first I suppose. Not easy as w send confusing signals and conversations

Not sure there is a right call, just what feels right and isn't being completely inactive because of fear I would imagine.

[edz]

One question I do have (and that concerns me because it would be very easy to get wrong) is when you can go into deeper r talk. I've been operating on the idea that it's when was brings it up and not before because its falling into pursuit.

I'm not about to start long emotional conversations or calls or talks but I do wonder at what point its back on the table without missing an opportunity. Issue here is w is not one to bring up her feelings as she is very much an internal and dont externalise person I wonder is it something she's waiting on me to do.

However I tend to think that's a romantic thought and reality is it would just reinforce pursuit and suffocation and push her away so noooooo not now and stick with detached warm validation.

[jim0987]

Big thumbs up to that last sentiment.

My wife always said that setting me a deadline was easy but pointless, you have to make me believe the deadline then I'll get it done.

I think its the sane here, the WAS is gone they've said it and in mist cases act it, but until we believe it we don't fully move on.

If it doesn't feel right then don't do it - whatever happens you have to be true to your moral self.

I'm not sure I agree with 'more complex' though.

[edz]

And w is tagging me in fb posts again.

[edz]

I'm not sure I agree with 'more complex' though.

Turnaround being fair play mate, why?

[Sotto]

Hi Edz, I think you're right about the R talk - and best to stick with the lovingly distant approach. If your W has had a change of heart, even if she's an internal sort of person, she's going to let you know. And even if she doesn't tell you directly, it will become pretty apparent from her behaviour I think.

For now, you are having some positive interactions, which is great. However, 'thing' is somewhere in the background, plus your W seems to want to be 'friends' rather than more, just now, from what you describe. Also, I think there is still some withdrawing going on.

So, whilst there may be some positive things going on, there's much to be cautious about. And starting a R talk would be throwing caution to the wind.

Hope you enjoyed your fish and chips. I had pasta with homemade mushroom sauce. Feeling a bit sad and lonely tonight. H is on my mind. Had to stop myself from texting him earlier. I was just thinking to myself - I felt ok last night, so hopefully I'll feel ok tomorrow night. But tonight I just feel a bit cr@ppy - oh well...

[edz]

Hi toots think you're right as I said not about to do it but as we've all said a lot is counter intuitive and sometimes I do have to fight the illogic logic of it all hurumph

Sorry you're feeling a bit low tonight mate, certainly the time frame in this whole thing for it isn't it?

Dinner was....ok wasn't the homemade curry I was looking forward to but was ok. No puds in the house (deliberately) so have a little bit of Cheese (ok a big bit of cheese) and a bagle

Under the throw on the sofa tonight in an attempt to avoid putting the heating on but just cracked and put it on for an hour or so before bed time as my hands are cold using the tablet (-5 here). Pasta sounds good and remember as I did over the past few days you can come here and chat on your (or my) thread if you need a natter

[edz]

Regarding w wanting to be friends yes I get that feeling too, it does make me wonder is that why she's not moving on at all since i ve made it very clear even pre bd that its not an option if we move toward divorce. To be fair I dont want to lose her as a friend either I just know I can't be friends with her and then watch her move on with her life esp romantically without me I'd never move on in my own life.

Of course its also the first sign that she's happier in my presence than she was around me and thats the first step toward getting back into a r (as it would be if we were first meeting) the question is at what point do I have to act to say ok we need to make a decision here? Thats not something i have any intention of doing but its not something I have a clear idea on. I'm therefore going to my default "working" scenario.

Does that make any kind of sense?