Jefe the only person who knows what's gone is this chap at work and he has never met nor is ever likely to meet my wife. But yes I get what you're saying. My 2 best mates who I was out with at weekend would be more likely to meet her possibly hence why I didn't say anything. But yes smooth road an All. Mr bond when it all came out and since I have asked to just stop lying but she continues to whilst trying to be my friend. There is a lot of cake eating going on now. It would be easier if she just didn't say anything but she feels the need to lie.I think she probably knows anyway as when we were both back upstairs she scurried off into the room trying to move the bag. She saw me looking. No she has never said she will not see OM. They work together. It is not going to stop I know that. I can deal with that. It's the continued lying that's wearing me down. The other day she was as typical waw script saying please don't hate me which was her saying she is continuing to see him without actually saying it.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
feeling low today. I'm tired, run down, worn out. The situation with her yesterday just blatantly lying to me has kicked me in the gut. I know its stupid because she has been lying for such a long time but it still hurt. She is still carrying on like we're best buddies. I'm desperate to be out now so I can move on and get my life back. NC apart from D8 is the only way I can see I can get past this. She is under the impression I will be popping around for my tea every night. Of course this wont be the case. She uses our daughter as an excuse for her cake eating. I'm just feeling annoyed at the moment. I guess its just part of the process.
Last edited by SRD; 02/05/1510:38 AM.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
In my sitch, I decided very early on that while I couldn't control whether or not my wife was going to continue to have an affair, I COULD control whether or not I would stand there and allow her to lie to my face, or to our adult children or her parents.
And I enforced that boundary. Every. Single. Time.
Thanks for the advice. If it crops up again which im sure it will im going to have to say something.
On another point. What are your thoughts on NC when I move out. My wife again yesterday in an effort to keep my plate spinning said why don't we all go to the cinema on Sunday inc D8. Now before BD this is what we were doing. Its enjoyable family time. Since BD I want to spend as little time with wife as possible because I don't believe a word she says. When I move out my intention is to leave her to it. Be friendly and civil regarding our D8 but I wont be popping around for tea or family nights in or generally being there for her like I have been. She needs to see the consequences of her actions. My d8 will be the one that suffers also though. Would you advocate that if it is a family thing e.g. D8 friends party or taking her to cinema that it is acceptable for us to do so as a family or would you recommend that one of us takes D8 on our own. Currently I take her horse riding and ice skating on my own anyway.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
I would occasionally do things together as a family (no more than once every one or two weeks or so), but more often than not I would politely decline. "I think it's best, considering where we are right now, that we each learn to do things together with (daughter) instead of all three of us, and just overall learn to live apart from each other."
I agree with Starsky on the calling out the lying. Be careful that you have your facts straight. If you attempt to call her out and you only have "feelings" about something, you'll look foolish. If you have absolute facts that she's lying, I would not stand for it. I haven't allowed my wife to lie to my face either.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
And never, EVER reveal your source, or allow her to pin you down on what parts you know, what parts you don't know, what you THINK you know, etc. Just a blanket "Stop. We BOTH know you're lying to me right now, and it's incredibly disrespectful. I know all about you and (OM), so please don't insult my intelligence. If you continue to lie to my face about it, I will end the conversation each and every time and we can talk later when you're ready to be truthful with me."
I knew she was lying in the morning when she set off to work. Her "work" bag was zipped up and bulging. Its never like that. Usually open with paperwork hanging out. I just inwardly smiled. Then I had to email her during the day about D8. I heard nothing back. Just upped my suspicions. when she got back I saw the bag open. makeup, wash bag and clothes in there. I didn't pry it was on full view. I'd rather her just say nothing than carry on with the silly see through lies. It would make it easier.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
Just for sh*ts and giggles (cuz that's how I roll; I'm twisted that way) I used to occasionally -- when pressed (she was asking me how I knew something) -- throw in a "I'm not going to tell you that," and when pressed further a "I made a promise to someone that I wouldn't break her trust, and I'm not going to do that."
Never hurts to throw a little paranoia into affair land -- some infidelitus interruptus -- and let the cheating spouse start doubting, say, their enabling BFF lol.
