Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Originally Posted By: MrBond


You should have just left your answer post as "Yes.". This last bit was your score keeping again. You really don't have to keep announcing to everyone when your W is doing something wrong. If it's to help your situation, then fine, but not when you're trying to show that you're the morally right one here.


Disagree. A), it helps to keep a contemporaneous log of one's sitch. Many of us used this very forum (since it's date- and time-stamped) as that log. But

B), even if that's not why he's doing it, it absolutely helps us to give him advice to know as much as possible about his wayward wife's current behavior, attitude, dialog, etc.


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
O
Ontheup Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
I'd rather she just say nothing to me than continue to lie about it. I haven't said a word.


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,257
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,257
Originally Posted By: SRD
I'd rather she just say nothing to me than continue to lie about it. I haven't said a word.


Having the truth or like you said not even taking on her lies keep your mind filled with clarity and less stress.

Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
O
Ontheup Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
Hey starsky

Mr bond has given me some tough love today smile

As far as commenting on here about it, I was after advice really. Do I just say nothing or do as some have and just say stop. You continue to disrespect me. Please don't while we're still under same roof.
She has just come down again chatting to me about her trip out and the snow. Does she think I'm bloody stupid.


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
O
Ontheup Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
Sorry she also just asked , "what's up" I can barely contain it.


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,257
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,257
Originally Posted By: SRD
Sorry she also just asked , "what's up" I can barely contain it.


She wants some of that attention from you. You don't have to give it.

Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
O
Ontheup Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
Think I already know the answer. She would see this as snooping even though bag was in full view. Just suck it up.
On a positive I'm meeting landlord about other house at weekend. Can't wait. Hopefully he'll think I'm a nice guy and accept. Also wife is away for 2 days at a spar with her friends(this is true) so I get plenty of time with d8. Ice skating tomorrow. Rain forest homework project Friday


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,257
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,257
Originally Posted By: SRD
Sorry she also just asked , "what's up" I can barely contain it.


It's good your not letting her in your head. She hasn't been exactly an honest camper or filled with good intentions.

It will keep your mind from being cloudy.

Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
SRD, Bond is good at tough love. Starsky is good with affairs. I'm gng to have to agree sith Starsky here. It's absolutely relevant to the text. Telling her that you "Just confirmed her little story of where she has been today is rubbish as well. She'd left her bag open when I was upstairs. You don't take a wash bag to a business meeting" would be score keeping. Keeping a tally of every single infraction is also score keeping. Gathering information about her truth telling and sharing it with the group trying to help you is not.

I would sit on this one, you have to be careful with information gathering because often the information gathered can mean many different things. Trust me, I am the king of the runaway vivid imagination. Deal in truth as much as possible.

If I may also suggest, part of paving the road home smooth includes her being able to save face when the time comes. It's going to be very hard to do that if you have shared intimate details of the separation with all of your "mates". Stop this practice now. Zip the lips. The reason is 2 fold really. You don't need them making remarks, being cold to her, or being unsupportive of your wife when she returns and 2) you absolutely don't need any grief, or unsupportive attitudes when you guys get into the piecing process. One of the biggest things you can do for your marriage is surround yourself with other healthy marriages and people who support marriage.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
The thing is that you already know she lies to you and has lied in the past. I assumed you already had given her the "don't disrespect me" talk, so little detail like her having the clothes in her bag wouldn't have mattered.

Did she flat out tell you that she was not going to be seeing the guy anymore?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard