Part 11 - contents may be different than

[edz]

Oh and, now careful no one gets overexcited, i had to restitch a busted seam on the cuff of my jacket at lunchtime, what a craaaaazy man

Not the most thrilling of days all in all.

w has been in on / off contact but only over s and his e-learning credentials (actually he called me to ask me them but I had him pass me over in case w wanted to keep track / control of them)

Nothing on anything from weekend or "thing". No expectations on either just journalling. Feeling fine just a dull day no different to those before bd and doubtless will crop up again. Considered heading out to the movies but nothing I fancied so will check out netflix with the remaining pizza tonight.

Will juxtapose with looking at these gyms online, something bizarre about doing those two at the same time, or maybe im just going a little mad today.

Yes, I know, just today?

[Dawn70]

From your previous posts, it sounds like your son is really an intelligent young man and that he is really processing what is going on. That is a real testament to you, edz. Keep up the great dad work! You and your son will both be the better for it.

[edz]

Thanks Dawn, he's something special all right

I do have concerns that he, like me, bottles things up (internalising) but he's far more extrovert than I ever was which makes me happy and hopeful he wont have the same sort of challenges.

This last weekend gave me a bit of respite worrying in that he opened up to me on it so its not building up and w finally said that she aknowledges the impact on him. Just need to keep being available to him and make sure he understands that and also that theres nothing wrong with being sad at times or wanting to talk about it.

[edz]

Can't get to sleep tonight.

Packed quite a lot into this evening found a gym which I'll go to Friday washing house stuff and dinner but.... Been a bit of a meh day.

Few emails from w but nothing major, I'm not expecting much this week following Sunday suspect she'll back away a bit for the time being.

Lots of dB buds must be on full gal today since not been too busy around here this evening snows melted for now so out and about tomorrow and swimming tomorrow night.

Well.....sigh......suppose I'll try and get to bed again, even bft has shunned me for the comfort of her cushion next to the radiator this evening (central heating is off so not sure why) mmmm well let's see what tomorrow brings.

[jim0987]

Morning edz. Just out of curiosity how much of the stuff about the kids does your wife really need to email you or is it a bit flimsy at times?

I hope you are managing to park the 'thing' a bit

[edz]

Morning Jim

Some of it is semi transparent re magazines she's seen that s may like but she knows I will (PIC taken in s market) some is cast iron and business like. Its why I get confused as I try to take my direction on communication from her responses.

Then she just goes dark for days and thats befuddling.

The thing is in my mind in a box, nothing I can do and unless she brings it up or something is made apparent I won't know and it won't change any short term stuff anyhoo.

How's you today mate, seemed introspective yesterday..

[jim0987]

Morning edz,

I think your situation is really interesting as your w seems warm but confused (+ thing). But actually the more I think about it I don't think the thing us a thing until she makes it a thing If you follow me.

Not to say you should start getting your hopes up, but a box is the best place for it right now. So yes I feel like you're doing good.

Probably best I answer about me on my thread but thanks for asking

[edz]

W has always hated "games" so sometimes its tricky. I run "my" dB for me nowadays. If w notices something great if she asks I'll explain something mostly. If she feels manipulated it won't end well so I won't do anything thats for an appearance sake for her (bar fake it till you make it in the early days but that was more to break my addiction to moping around after her and has been replaced now)

I can't (really) read her mind and won't (guess) mind read but I'd love to know where she truly wants to go, is she looking to save me as a friend and d (which I boundried - I can't do that for me, it won't impact s if we friendly coparent and I would need to emotionally move on in that case)

Or is she looking for a way back in (knowing w without seeming to have to back down from her decision - she not I would think that) or as is most likely she just doesn't know what she wants to do and is just continuing on her 24/7 time with s and only thinking about the rest and "thing" at those times I have s.

I know she was in a situation where she hasn't told all her friends we'd s only realised that from some responses I'd had on fb. Mine know but I havent acted to correct hers as it felt invasive and possibly awkward for s if it came up while he was on a play date. Dont know if thats changed, I know we posted separate snow pics on fb and I dropped her an email asking was that going to pose her any awkward questions (they are of obviously different houses at 7am) she replied she hadn't given it a thought.

So confusion reigns...

[edz]

I followed you in your Post Jim.

Cant go into details as you know, I think its a thing *for her* or was no one else involved in our sitch yet - that I know of.

Its something that - again as far as I know, damn my holding myself back on snooping - I wont really know that much more about unless she goes for it and then tells me, of course could say the same about other people no way of knowing really.

I know theres a battle between my emotions going on with one set of troops saying I really need to find some female company and the other saying chill, just wait and see. I'm mediating peace talks between them and pushing the wait and see and work on yourself solution just at the moment but, damn, some days its difficult even if im around lots of people.

[Ggrass]

So it seems I have a new favourite quote which covers my thoughts on dB

“Inside my empty bottle I was constructing a lighthouse while all others were making ships.”
Charles Simic

Now that I like! Not sure how the ship will then find it, but meh!