The awakening of me Part 3

[CaliGuy]

Mleigh

Ughh .... hang in there the roller coaster is gonna get bumpy. Not that you can pinpoint the MLC and where their mind is .. but the trends are just crazy. Seems your H is wrestling with the guilt and guess what ... its easier to get upset at you and make this all your fault justifying why they must go through all this trouble of moving out .... certainly its not because they have lost it ... has to be you right??

Yeah .. lock down your valuables and now would be a good time to start with some boundaries IMHO.

[mleigh4]

OMG. Weird things are missing. A toothpaste that only had about 1/4 left in it? He took both garbage cans in the garage. Both?? 1 of them I bought for my apartment. He took a giant block of Cheese that he had said we would split. I just keep coming across things. So I need to speak, huh? Some things I can let go, it's just stuff, but I sense a little war/anger going on when he is in here grabbing stuff.

I will make sure to put special things away.

[edz]

Hi Mleigh4 (M ok?)

So far since I moved into my own place I have had w make a point over wanting back: a sieve, two bowls, potato peeler, specific plates, a pan and this last weekend a teaspoon (not a set you understand, just a teaspoon)

There's no accounting for it and I put it down to wanting to feel an aspect of control but I just say fine. This isnt the big stuff and I have no issues with just replacing with those of my own choosing. I took mostly what I wanted from our apartment such as the TV/Bed/one of the sofas so im not sweating the small stuff but it is odd at times.

As the others said, you may want to sort some boundries and make sure the big stuff is agreed and anything small and precious (memory or price) is somewhere you can keep control of it.


Hang on in there.

Ed

[CaliGuy]

Ok ... I am not .. well .. ok ok .. I laughed. 2 garbage cans and a block of cheese ... can we name him Ratatouille??

Lock your stuff up ... and yeah I would set a boundary here pronto!

[daring]

Mleigh I am getting caught up on your sitch and really?? A block of cheese? These MLCers are just nut jobs!

You sound like you are doing really well! Good for you! It is nice to have the home to yourself without daily BS. Hope you get some peace.

[job]

I told you that they take things, i.e., sometimes they take things that do not make any sense to us, but to them they are very important. Also, they will take items that like food, toothpaste, etc., just so that they don't have to purchase it. But they forget one thing, when they run out, they have to purchase it themselves or they come back and get it from you again.

My xh took things that truly didn't make any sense to me. For example 20 pencils and 5 notepads?

Walk thru your house and see what else he's taken. If it's stuff that you will need as well, then it's time to tell him that in the future, before you load up your vehicle w/stuff from the home, let's talk about it. Right now, he feels entitled and the stuff in your home is FREE for him to pick and choose from. He doesn't want to spend any more money than he has to.

Set your boundaries. You may have to consider changing the locks or resetting your alarm, if you have one. The "helping himself" will not stop unless you put him on notice.

[mleigh4]

Thanks everyone, you really help to put this into perspective, how silly it is.

And Cali....Ratatouille... I burst out laughing at work. It set off a set of giggles that I really needed. Thank you!!

I will not sweat the small stuff, a lot of stuff can be replaced at the dollar store. It's really odd though. Like he is just grabbing whatever. I will let the small stuff go, but will nicely and calmly bring up a couple of items.

And the candle holder he took? Thanks to Job, I had taken pics of the rooms and looked at it, and there is no way that was a gift to a guy! It is so girlie, I don't know why he would take that!? But I have a ton of candle holders, so whatever.

I see some more things gone, however there are a lot of things he has left. We will see if it remains that way. I really don't want this to be a battle.

Job - if I changed the locks or alarm code, he would be furious. If he had done that to me, I would have flipped. This house and everything in it belongs to both of us so that would seem really unfair. And I am a very fair person. I will put valuables away and call him out if needed. When I had moved out, I still came and went as I wanted and he always respected that, never said anything to me. So I am digging for that same respect. He also had told me to take whatever I wanted...

Ugh, I am home on lunch and he just showed up. No work clothes, in his truck, interesting. And I am here...surprise surprise. Very very sneaky....

[job]

I'm glad you are playing "fair", but you were the one that moved out last time...things are a bit different this time around. We'll see how his move plays out and whether or not his personality changes even more.

Until that time, try to be more aware of your surroundings and jot down the things that disappear. They don't have to be expensive items, but it's always good to know what they take so that you will know what you need to replace at some point.

I hope and pray that I am wrong about your h and his move.

[mleigh4]

Thank you Job, I do appreciate your warnings and my eyes are wide open! I do a house check each day at lunch and each night. I tend to think the best of people and it has bitten me in the you know what many times.

So H showed up, with his felon buddy. Said he came to move the Jeep for me then was headed to Walmart to do some shopping. Ya right, took the day off work and picked up his buddy to go shopping at Walmart? So I had a quick chat with him. Asked if he was planning on taking any further things from the house today and that maybe when he does we can go over it, or split things up. He got a little defensive and I told him whoa, this is not war, I want this as calm and smooth as possible for all of us. He said he has only taken a few things here and there, but to let him know if he takes anything I need and he will bring it back. So I said, well, that's why I say maybe when you take something we go over it together. So he said he has barely taken anything, that he is trying to leave as much as possible and I said I have noticed that and thanked him. So he looked around and said he was going to take some pictures, but can just buy some stuff. Then he mentioned taking some of our trinkets over the bar, like Jack Daniels pictures and bottles and stuff. So I was thinking and not saying anything, and he said actually, I really don't need that kind of stuff right now. So I said, H, if you decide for this to be long term, or forever, just let me know and we can start splitting stuff up. It's no problem, no worries. He just said ok. He asked about our agreement on the money again, how to handle expenses and I reminded him what we had agreed on. I also asked that he be really careful if he is at the house and I am not because kitty runs for the door, and she is not chipped or spayed yet, too young. I told him S and I will be devestated if she gets out and lost. He just said, ya, I know. He has left the door wide open several times, "forgetting" about the cat. He also leaves doors unlocked. Drives me crazy. So then off he went.

I think the talk went well, but I don't assume he will do anything we talked about. Eyes wide open and aware

[Wet]

Mleigh,


You handled that really well. I read your words, and I felt myself calming down, and I am sure it had the same effect on your H. Good work.