Today was a very tough day. I must have been dreaming of W because I awoke missing my W and not being able to shake her memories. I looked at photos a few times but then decided I needed to do something With my time. So I went shopping. Bought a new outfit and then took a long bath and read a book. Also stopped by a cigar store and got a few sweet puffers. Excited By far but my lord I miss my W and best friend. Talked to my dad for a while about how I felt. He went through this with my real mom. Really help put my mind at ease to hear his voice. I hope it gets easier!
Sorry to hear. I have the same issue once in a while, very bad dreams about W and D. That can cause a very rough start of the day and sometimes a bad day in general. I think it's a sign tho that you are processing what's going on. Keep the good work up and stay strong! Healing is something so painfully slow...
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
UPDATE----Today was another tough day....! I just can't seem to shake the memories and longing for W to be here. It's not so much who W is with or what she is doing as wishing we were here together. I guess this is the natural eb and flow of emotions and volitility of trying to deal with loving someone who does not love me. Sometimes just sometimes I wish I was the person I once was, that never cared about anything or anyone else. But then again love and commitment have a way of changing all that. I think I might be in my anger phase because I am so so so angry at W for giving all of this up. And for what!!!!! A Dbag who wouldn't make any sacrifices for her. I am still so lost, I just hope to keep breathing and one day rise above the pain and anguish of losing my best friend and world.
It's been almost a week of no contact what so ever and it seems to be getting worse. But I guess, you have to go through the eye of the storm to get to clear skies. I just hope that I have enough strength to weather the storm. Please give me strength to see this through.
Sorry to hear man. I know exactly how you are feeling. I had clear days recently but then I keep falling back. I'm still doing mistakes when I see her. I just need to let go. But it's so freaking hard. I gave my life up for her and put my heart in this, I went all in. And now this mess...it's so disappointing. But I'm glad I had the chance to come here, start to build a life, althought I'm not even close. I know somehow I'll be fine, but I want to be loved... My hopes were so high..a factor too that there was so much reassure on my wife.
But these rough days..I don't know what to do. I'm depressed and can't wait for more therapy session, hoping its going to help.
The best help on a day like this for me is to talk to someone. Share my feelings, listen to some people's advice and empathy, just to feel like a human. I'd rather stay home in bed all day, but you have to leave the house. Go work out, let all your energy out. Do some boxing or so. Or connect with nature, but not all alone depressing. We have to force ourselves do GAL. It's still such a long way for us tho but there's only one way..and that's forward.
Chinese saying:
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. Lao Tzu
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
I love that quote, I am definitely living in the past.:( I am trying my best, going out tonight for sure. Too bad no one is in hawaii lol. Could GAL together....! Where you from in germany? I lived in wüzburg for 3 years.
Lol man. I come from close to Aschaffenburg. Which is just an hour up the Main river. My uncle lives in WÜ. How about I'll just come to Hawaii I'm in CA..
Ya the quote is so true. I totally hang on to the past. Big problem of mine. Causing motivational issues too. I'm a big regretter and can't forgive myself well enough. I'll get on that with my therapist. Maybe she can help me. Meditating/praying helps me to get some strength too.
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
Good morning everyone, not such a bad one here, I did wakeup thinking as usual but not as intense. I am at least thankful for the mild reprieve of emotions. I am trying to figure myself out as best I can. It's a tough road but I need to stay strong for both of us.
Update--- Today I believed I was doing better, didn't feel too bad this morning but man oh man as the day wore on things just got worse, I cannot shake the longing for my wife to be here with me. I was hoping that coming home would help me feel better but it has done nothing but make things worse. And I can't figure out anything that takes my mind off her. I just don't know what to do anymore but get these words off my chest in hopes that others have some ideas that I have not yet realized that will help me cope. Thank you everyone.
I'm in CA..