Hi Rppfl sounds like he was very comfortable with you and while that's hard for you it shows the connection is still there on a certain level. Take it for what it was , a nice moment but no game changer.
In a way. Not a breakthrough as in "boy, I never thought of that" because, obviously, I'm well aware. And I broke that "rule" with my eyes wide open. It was more of a gentle nudge of "maybe I should move that direction". I don't know exactly what that will look like. Holidays, surgery, birthdays are over (well, D16 turns 17 in a month). But we have taxes to get done (and they are complicated this year because of a business transaction), some items regarding my employment or lack thereof. And on a smaller scale, I have already committed to going to church and breakfast tomorrow because S19 came in for the weekend. So, we'll see. At the least it's something to be aware of. Notice how I'm interacting and see if I can cut it down. I haven't been in contact with him today, although I have texted D12 a few times, and I'm sure she tells him every word I say.
Originally Posted By: bdub
He was after a birthday present ?? ;-).
Originally Posted By: rd500
Hi Rppfl sounds like he was very comfortable with you and while that's hard for you
Yes, H was apparently after his birthday present. I guess a guy gets used to certain things after so many years.
You know, RD, it's not difficult to have him do that, it's easy. I've been faithful to him since I was 22. Here's the hard part: H thinking that he should be able to ease into a sexual relationship, even a part-time one, without any of the trappings that I now want to go with it. I want compliments, a guy telling me I'm pretty, flirting that's not so overtly sexual, want to feel valued, that someone is interested in ME and not simply getting me into bed. I love sex, think it's important, and in the past I've allowed H to skimp in the romance department for lots of different excuses: it's not his personality, I personally can enjoy the sex without it (not true for most women, guys, don't go by me). It's just that now I have the chance to get it, and H isn't offering it. That's the hard part. It would be super easy to fall into bed with him, and I'd enjoy it. But I just feel like I need to hold out for better.
I have plans tonight with the party meetup. They are nice people and always up for a good time. They just aren't going to be my new best friends, and that's fine. They are getting me out of the house tonight.
I have chosen to take the path of "make it real". I will admit that when I first decided to stop helping WAW it was so that I could watch her fall flat on her face.
bdub, I've been thinking about this. There's no possibility that H would fall flat on his face. He's good-looking, charming, makes a very nice living, is well respected in the community. My lack of contact isn't going to change any of that. Not a drop. In fact, the only thing I have to offer is shared history.
Boy, are you selling yourself short with THAT statement.
Don't you realize how much you legitimize him?
What I meant was, a WAW might have trouble financially, might not know how to handle a house, a car, etc. and would struggle if LBH cut her off. That's clearly not the case here. H has a lot going for him, and there's no inconvenience to his life if I'm not in it. So he eats out a lot and does his own laundry. Not a dealbreaker, apparently.
Maybe not. But my STBX is similar in some ways to your H, and I think that the ways he's permittin his character to evolve put him at risk of dying alone. Living like a hipster might be ok now, but will it work for him in 10 years? I expect to be better off.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
ATTENTION: Yesterday was a NC day, the first one since before Christmas. Just thought I'd point that out. Today won't be, as I"m heading to church in a bit.
My GAL last night was ok, not all that great, really, but I got out of the house. My party group met at a really popular bar in Little Havana, there was a band, it was loud, it was really, really crowded. Not my preference in a lot of ways, but I dressed up and got out there anyway. I'd really rather have a glass of wine in my pjs at home, but I'm not going to make new friends that way. So I GAL on......
I also feel like there's no consequences to my H. He also is quite good-looking and charming. One of the reasons I've been so annoyed with my MIL is b/c he's staying there (I realize this is probably better than him staying with a friend) and she let him set up his playstation in her living room and she recently joked "I can tell when I'm watching my shows at night that he's waiting for me to go to bed so he can start playing his game. It must help him to relax or something." I sort of laughed, but thought "Why should my H have to come back? Rather than saying, 'You're 40-something years old, go home to your family.' She's saying 'Here son, set up your playstation and get as comfy as you can and make yourself at home.'"
The NC and GAL is more for us than for them, we have to keep reminding ourselves that. Glad you hear you got out to Little Havana. That sounds like fun, but yeah, I get you on the preference to be home in PJs too.
Last edited by Lorelai; 02/01/1504:17 PM.
Me: 38 H: 43 Kids: 2,4 T10 M6 BD: 1/14 11/14: H moves out
I really hate my H right at this moment. He's an insensitive jerk with no regards to my feelings whatsoever. He always has been. So why is that upsetting me today?
Hi Rppfl. It's upsetting because your a good , decent woman that doesn't deserve this. It's easy to get upset because while you might have be 50% to blame for problems in your marriage , you wanted to work on them.
We all struggle with how the WAS now behaves because it's not as you would expect of the person we feel in love with. My thoughts are with you and chin up. The future has to be better. Hugs and take care. Rd
