Surving the rollercoster

[Karma12]

Lol me too!

[Karma12]

Hi all,

I wanted to share a success story with you. My Brother went through a divorce three yrs ago after 19 yrs of marriage. His wife was a WAS. He was devasted and spend many hours talking to me about it. They also have a daughter that is 8.

A year after he met a woman online ( he had been dating for a while ) that he really liked. My brother also has Polycistic kidney disease. This was passed down from our mother. It causes fluid filled cysts that affect your renal function. My brothers kidneys were doing ok until two yrs ago. He got an infection in his bladder that knocked his already challenged kidneys right down. He was almost in complete kidney failure and told it would soon be Dialyisis or a transplant.

The woman he met became his fiancée. She insisted on being tested and was a perfect match. Last November her kidney was transplanted into my brother and last January they were married.

My brother went from depressed and hopeless to new life ( literately) and new wife.

I am sharing this because sometimes we hold on so tight to something or someone that no longer serves us. We have know idea that sometime amazing may be waiting us. Sometimes we have to let go and have faith.

My brother has been blessed with a life he never would have had if he had stayed in his marriage. He never realized that it ending was actually a gift.

When we ask for messages and signs we often think it will be something obvious. There is a reason for everything that happens in live. We just don't always understand it at the time. Good night all. Sweet dreams!

[Mom22]

Beautiful story. Im so happy for your brother.
I agree sometimes you have to truely let go. And no longer expect the other person to come back to you. Sometimes they do but if they dont... Maybe another door will open.

[Karma12]

Thanks Mom22 for your always welcome input.

I heard my phone text chime while I was asleep. I didn't think much of it as my son who lives in the UK will often send a text or a message on our Family what's app.

I checked it this morning when I got up and it was text from STBX. He sent it at 245 am. He was responding he said to a text from last week. We had texted when I had SD last Sunday and he mentioned having to see a lawyer about his Fathers Will. I had responded to that text with only " how did it go?" He never responded. Last nights text he went on at length about all that occurred at the Lawyers, having to research all week, he went to court ect ect. Plus he apologized for not texting back sooner. Said he finally had a minute to breathe.

I thought WTF.? I think he either didn't get my email. ( I noticed later I sent it from my second email address and it may have gone into his junk mail) or he's testing the water thinking I was maybe ranting and ok now. When we first started getting closer a few months ago it started with him finding weird reasons to text me and it was usually late at night. I know this is mind reading but I think late at night when he is alone with not as many distractions is when he does some thinking.

In the past. I would have been his support person through all this stuff he's dealing with in regards to his Dad's Will. I knew his Dad and I know all the history. Just like I was there for him through his custody issues over his daughter. Since our talk Jan 1 I have kept my distance and I'm sure he's noticing something has shifted with me. Even if he didn't read my email.

It didn't go unnoticed that his text was all about him and what he was dealing with. He never asked how I was. It was kinda funny to see him having a conversation with himself via my text at 245 am as it was obvious I wasn't answering.

I decided I'm not going to mention the email. In my mind if it was meant to be he would have seen it. I really wrote it more for me. I do still want to address his owing me $$ and seeking a D. But I will wait until early Spring and ask him then.

I need advice re the text. I haven't responded. I was thinking of responding tonight or tomorrow with a simple " sounds like a lot of stress. If you continue to be busy at court I'll take SD one night next week when I'm off."
That would be a 180 for me as I usually respond quickly and my past pattern would be to help fix it. Getting into discussions about what he could do or try ect. This way I'm validating but bringing it back to SD. I also could just not respond at all.

Thoughts? I'm asking first this time. Lol

[jim0987]

Hi Karma

thats a good story about your brother - thank you for sharing it

with regard to the text response, if you do decide to respond then i'm not sure about the wording

sounds like a lot of stress. If you continue to be busy at court I'll take SD one night next week when I'm off."

The second part of this could easily be read as a 'fix' - as in 'if its too much for you to cope then i will help fix it this for you by looking after SD'

You could say pretty much the same thing but without suggesting he cant handle it. for example

'that sounds like a lot to do and i'd imagine quite stressful? I'm sure you'll get it sorted fine though. I'm off next week would it be possible to arrange for SD to spend some time with me?'

Others are much better than me at scripting

[Mozza]

It sounds a bit like what my WAW is doing to me, trying to connect in different ways. The advice I've gotten here and elsewhere is to ignore it. I simply don't respond. It's a way to make them feel their loss and for us to detach. It's taking her a lot of time to stop, but I think we got there in the last week. She still chatted me last week to offer a book recommendation though. I didn't see it until 3 days later and, again, chose to ignore it. I'm going for the DB Soldier of the Year award.

I understand the desire to reply. But when I resigned myself to stay silent, I feel better and prouder. Also, your email kind of suggests you were done. He might find it later even if he hasn't read it yet. I know I sometimes verify my junk mail folder.

[25yearsmlc]

Life is too short

Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness

Laugh when you can, apologize when you should &

Let go of what you can't change

Today's mantra

I might make this a "Life Mantra" b/c it's very good.

[Karma12]

Hi all thanks for the feedback.

At the moment I will do nothing. I agree with your rewording Jim if I do decide to reply. It would make more sense to wait until I'm wanting to make plans with SD. I just had lunch with her and her Grandma. 😃

You are right Mozza it is more empowering to chose to say silent. I'm one of those overly polite people that always thinks I should reply or it's rude. In this case it's not. It's again about him and what I can give him. He could have had all my support. He chose not too. I check my junk mail too. I can see my ex not checking though. He has a hard time keeping up with what is in his inbox! Lol I'm the organized one.

Thanks for always bring a smile to my face 25yrs. Your energy brings me up. I agree it makes a great life Mantra.

[Mom22]

I have the same thing wanting to be polite,
I do feel nit responding at all would be rude. But maybe wait at least 3-5dsys.
Then reword. And dont bring up SD.
If you want to see her, you can always let her ask and it ll look like her idea.

Hard not to be hopeful after that text huh... Im a s<ckers for stuff like that too. But Ive become bery very wary.

[Jbird]

Life is too short

Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness

Laugh when you can, apologize when you should &

Let go of what you can't change

Today's mantra


Karma that is a great mantra, now if I can only live it!