Jim0987 #11 - Mk8's user manual needs some work

[jim0987]

They ain't too bad here individually, depending on size and finish so I expect over the next couple of months I can get a few done. Just need to be patient with it.

To be honest it will probably take me a while to narrow down which ones I want up.

And I have some cracking moose photos For consideration.

[Ggrass]

Dept stores too. And online you can order pics on canvas.

Why not a moose makes about as much sense as anything?

Rhc xw stated abuse too, but the poor Man is far too gentle I suspect, even his kids bully an run over him. It's all

Sat it loud jim

S
P
E
W!

W
A
W style

[edz]

I am a mooooooose.

(sorry had to say it)

Yup jim if the weather is moving up country you can look forward to hail later, yay...

I'll be interested in that wall space filler by the way, would like something like that for either over the bed or the landing space upstairs, way too much magnolia on display right now but dont want to create too much of a "thunderbirds tracey island" effect with pics of s, was thinking about canvas prints of my panorama pics but theyd work out over £70 for the size i'd need. Charity / recycling shops and gumtree are looked at regularly but nothing I like so far.

[Vanilla]

IKEA?

when in doubt......

V

[edz]

Mmmmmmmm meatballs

[Vanilla]

Now that would make a brilliant picture!

V

[Sotto]

Dunelm Mill are pretty reasonable for prints/canvases too...

[jim0987]

I had a good day with the kids yesterday and I liked it (we made pancakes, did sticking and glittering, turned the lounge furniture into a pirate ship etc etc.)

The cheap canvas of the internet arrived and looks alright though i've not put it up yet.

Mindfulness practice is getting tricky - i'm losing focus and wandering off in my thoughts so need to up the discipline a bit)

I texted my wife last night about something D3 was doing - didnt get a response but didnt expect one. my mind did immediately jump to imagining her being cuddled up with OM1 though.

I had cold and business like email about money from her late tuesday (to my work email after i'd left so didnt get it til this morning). zero warmth just 'the bill is XXXXX so you need to give me XXXXX'

I responded with a more chatty and friendly response (how are you? the kids were great yesterday, hope your having a good week etc.)

Not sure if this is the right thing to do but i dont want to meet cold indifference and hostility with cold indifference and hositility. I'd rather be warm and welcoming. I dont think it was pursuit.

I thought for the most part I had dealt with my anger and let a lot of it go and to an extent I feel I have but i realised that i still have a lot of anger about a sense of injustice. Not the decision so much although that upsets me and the sense of powerlessness isnt great either. The anger is about what she is saying and the way she describes me.

The 'He just so horrible' and the 'He's controlling, abusive and mean' really hurt and i'm offended by the 'Money grabbing little £$%£' - basic maths shows this last one just isnt true - anxious about financial security yes, bit too envious of other peoples wealth, yes but not money grabbing.

And no matter how I slice it i dont think that questioning statements that simply dont make logical sense (and/or are outright lies) is abusive. If i'm wrong about that then please someone give me a 2x4 to the face because if it is then at the moment my wife is right when she says 'He just doesnt get how shocking his behaviour is'

So yes turns out i'm still quite angry about this.

[Sotto]

Evening Jim. Funny enough I just read something on someone else's thread about self-justification and your post reminded me of this. The WAS has to believe that you are pretty awful in order to justify their own 'shocking' behaviour to themselves. So they convince themselves that you really are the pits....and tell you so. The alternative is to look within and not feel too happy with what they see....ouch, no thanks. We have to remember that their 'truth/narrative' about our sitches is totally different to ours.

I can see that the lack of warmth from your W must have hurt. You decided to send her the letter you wrote....and (whilst we all try not to have expectations) - did you maybe have some at some level, and that makes her response harder?

I think your response was fine. I don't think it helps to respond to cold with cold - but you don't want to tip into pursuit either, so the best way is pleasant, helpful, mention the kids, and that's about it.

It's not surprising you feel angry. Your W has been unfaithful, you've just dealt with the separation and she's being cold...it gets to you. Before Xmas I remember really struggling with the injustice of our sitch, and I had some helpful posts in response, which did make me feel better.

It isn't a 'fair' situation - but you'll get through it and grow as a result. The main thing with your anger is to release it in some way, but of course not in the direction of your W, which you know already.

You're doing really well Jim :-)

[jim0987]

Thanks Toots,

genuinely i didnt have any expectation on the letter getting any response - to be honest i'm pushing my expectations to think she even read it.

I expected the cold email but it still hurts. I was also hoping to have moved the money before she asked for it but its one of those things.

Last week even with all the move going on my wife was a bit more chatty and on move day reached out a little about how difficult it was.

A saturday night drinking with her poisonous friend and she is back to barely civil. between her need to make me the bad guy and the poison that is her friend and sister its quite easy to make even a friendly hello seem mean and controlling.

I dont forget that this whole situation stems from my atrocious reaction to a couple of situations a few years ago and so I do understand where her fear came from and how it warped her perception of our interaction, I just know that the fear wasn't rational - but when is fear.

As for my anger I'm trying to find different releases but the big problem is that i got really cross with D3 over nothing in particular this morning (she wouldnt put her tights on). I felt awful and apologised to her but its not fair that my misdirected anger upset my little girl. Its just not on, but until that happened i thought i had processed and released my anger better than it seems i have.