Thank you so much for the two videos you recommended, they were exactly what I needed! I shared them with my children and my mother. And will watch them until they become "my religion"!
Karma,
Thank you for your encouragement and advice. You may want to check out the two videos 25yrsmic recommended I watch they are very good.
Today I made excellent progress on setting up my framing equipment in the garage. Everything has been in boxes since I closed my store 7.5 years ago. I have struggled with depression for years but I feel better by just focusing on my personal growth for just a few days.
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
I had a good day with special needs D20, she is an awesome grocery shopper and knows where everthing is at. She is such a blessing to have with me!
I have been happy the last few days and if I wasn't I did a good job of faking it.
S22 is still upset with his mother and is avoiding her. She is getting jealous of my relationship with him and his sisters. I have tried to calm him down about the D bomb but he is tired of her antics through the years. He is close to cutting ties with her. She confided in his partner about her sending the vibrator video to OM and of course his partner told him about the video. Needless to say he is disgusted with her.
W has alternated sleeping in her office and the MB with me, which seems strange. I get a lot of text messages and phone calls from her about unimportant things. (All things I wouldn't ask someone I wanted to D or be seperated from)
Tomorrow is going to be a good day!
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
W came in to the MB and asked "can I sleep in here because I am having flashbacks about (name of former coworker) " W was sexually assaulted by this ex coworker a couple yrs ago.
I said no problem, but it's hard to detach when she is sleeping in the same bed. She is sleeping so I'm going to go work in the garage a bit to get my mind off of wanting to ML.
She is leaving on Sat to work out of town for 2 wks. I am going to try to be unavailable for some of her calls, she will call a lot when she is not working.
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
Today my mood wasn't very upbeat but I took my SND20 to her Dr appointment and visited my best friend at his business. We had a lot of laughs and remenised about old times.
W called while we were visiting my friend and asked where we were at. She didn't know SND20 had a Dr appointment even though she had taken the call about the date of the appointment being changed to today.
My friend told me to move on from this R, he said you have been tortured more than anyone I know, you need some peace. We have been like brothers since we met in 96, so he knows almost everything that happened before during and after the last fiasco.
Even though inside I am not feeling so good I was able to fake it when I needed to today and that is progress for me.
W is back to sleeping on her office floor tonight.
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
Keep the focus on you and your D. You deserve happiness in your life. Create it. Find more time with friends and make fun a big piece of you of your pie of life.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Karma, your welcome and thank you for your encouragement also!
KML, I hope you read this post, you helped me through my last S back in 2004 to 2007. At the time my screen name was JDD. I see a lot of your posts for other members, but since your PM is disabled i can't send a message to you and I can't find your thread,
I found my old posts by searching for greekgoddess as I knew I posted on her threads. Then I clicked on JDD and found all my old posts.
My old posts revealed the nightmare I went through! I am much stronger this time around!
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
My funds are low right now so I'm doing the best I can for GAL activities. I had a good long talk with my mom over the phone with no talk about W. Also talked with my son while he was driving home from work. Yesterday I used messenger on FB to talk about old times with a friend from high school.
I think I need some time by myself to GAL, where W takes care of SND20 and I get out. She is a sweetheart and I love spending time with her, but she tells W evertyhing we do so there is no mystery about what I'm doing. I also think it would remind W the effort it takes to keep SND occupied, satisfied, safe and cook some meals for her.
Last night I was working on my framing equipment in the garage and W sent me a text, "I'm sleeping in the bed." (meaning the bed I sleep in) So last night we slept in the same bed, but tonight she is sleeping on an air mattress in her office again.
We had to decide who was paying what bills that are due and she made a comment "we will be okay, ahh or I'll be alright." She paid to much on one of her credit cards and forgot the automatic withdrawal coming out on the 1st, if I wouldn't have told her the rent check she wrote would have bounced. I have handled all finances since we remarried because we both wanted it that way. Since she stated she wants a D, she has opened three new credit card accounts that is a total of six new accounts opened since Oct 14.. The day after she revealed the D I opened a checking acct of my own for my royalties to be automatically deposited in.
Sunday she leaves for two weeks to work out of town. I have her clothes already for her to pack.
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
I have to vent a little, it helps me to get the anger and hurt off my mind.
Most of the day was spent with W and I talking, laughing and joking. I did a lot of listening and validating. She also said, "don't make breakfast, I want to pay you back for all the good meals you made this week, I like my cook." She brought home a chicken biscuit sandwich with butter/honey sauce for me that she likes, I thought it was horrible, but I said it was good because she was doing something nice for me.
Then tonight she asked, "did I tell you I got mad at xxxx (W's male classmate/previous employee of mine) and I quit talking to him?" I said, "no I don't think so."
W replied, "I recommended my realtor friend jjjj (male friend of W/ like a brother friend) and xxxx said I can't use him because I had an affair with his wife abt 25 yrs ago! I told xxxx that I would never talk to him again! I just can't believe xxxx would do something like that he was so religious. I guess I have a lot to talk about? Should I tell jjjj? I said, "jjjj is engaged to a new gf, right?" W responded, "yes but I feel like I am betraying jjjj because he is like a brother."
So W has had at least 3 PAs and at least 3 EAs during our time together, which I try not to think about. Then she has to get advice from me about what to do about xxxx and jjjj and how she just want to throw up because this bothers her so much.
I left the room because it was starting to bring me down. I guess it must have shown because W asked if she offended me, I said oh no not a all I just had to change clothes in the washing machine. That's a 180 for me to not voice my opinion.
Sometimes I just feel the hurt of multiple As too much!
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
