It's funny how I didn't even consider the illegal aspect. You're right, he could be funding this stuff with marital assets...
But I live in a no-fault state. Would a PI do anything in my favor? I'm not knocking that idea down, I honestly have no idea.
I don't even know how to broach the subject of finances with WAH. His income, the income we've been living on solely for the past 7 years, is sporadic because of his industry. Despite my best efforts we've never been able to live on ANY kind of budget. Granted there's no debt but he's a card-swiping man. His last Amex bill was $3,000 and it was almost all food. Anyway, I digress...
I think I'd need to talk to a lawyer to even know what to say to him about money.
True - California is a no fault state - unless illegal activity comes into play - I guess I'm thinking about custody.
I have an 80/20 split with STBX - I fully expect that someday he will want more and I will support that and be cooperative, but I like that right now I have them so much of the time and that I have full physical custody only because his behavior is unpredictable and somewhat erratic.
I would talk to a lawyer sooner than later - $3000 a month for food is a lot - and who knows when he will earn more?
I am actually ok. I cannot tell you how appreciative I am of all of you dropping by to offer your support and hugs. This place really rallies when someone is suffering. It's amazing!
I did not sleep well but I wasn't up all night crying and cursing his name.
You know in books like Eat, Pray, Love and movies about someone overcoming adversity there are always "magical moments" where the author/main character sees or hears something and it's the one pivotal moment in all of their lives that makes them realize something huge and later it's a big amazing part of their book or movie?
I think I'm always waiting for that one quote from someone wise or moment in meditation where I just am enlightened beyond belief and see so clearly what I'm supposed to do and how I'm supposed to do it and suddenly I'll start making millions and life will be amazing and men will find me hopelessly attractive and all will be right with my world quickly and beautifully.
Let's face it, that's not how it works. But I wonder if seeing your WAH's catfish Facebook page pop up in your "suggested friends" feed is one of those moments.
Yep. He started a Facebook page under his screen name on fetish sites complete with a profile picture of himself which he changed to now be a picture of a woman's hands tied up with lots of rope. How did I discover this, you ask? Did I dig and stalk? Oh no. Facebook SUGGESTED I friend him which means Facebook is SUGGESTING many of our mutual friends friend him, too.
I took a screen shot of the friend suggestion and was going to text it to him saying, "must have been bored today" but I opted to see how it transpires.
Is it possible to turn off love in a single moment?
Because that's what feels like happened; like a switch was flipped inside of me. I didn't do it, it just happened.
After my heart stopped pounding so hard and the cold sweat dissipated I thought about what I'm really fighting for here. What am I really standing for?
The sad part is, I really just don't know. I really don't.
Is this what dropping the rope feels like?
If this is something you can't have in your life, if this crosses your boundaries, I think you got your lightbulb moment.
Hugs
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I was wondering if you'd be interested in talking about our situation. We're just sitting in purgatory... Let me know."
I read it and immediately broke out into a sweat. Heart pounding, shallow breathing...
The weirdest part is that his text came just as I was creating a folder of "evidence" (screen shots of his emails to craigslist escorts.
I'm scared and want to cry but the reality is I can't stay married to this man and I'm 100% sure he has no intention of even trying. I think I'm scared of what that means. I'm panicking. I don't have a real job, I have ZERO family and almost no support besides you guys.
Que the dry mouth.
I need help but I don't know what I need help WITH. I don't know how to do this.
If we talk I'm afraid he'll bully me into agreeing to things I'm not yet ready to agree to. He is so good at twisting words that I believed I was the bad guy for SO LONG and yet I have a file full of photos of his prospects since 2009.
yes, vomit is definitely part of the visceral feelings I'm experiencing.
No, I've not met with a lawyer. I found his catfish account late Sunday night and it's only Tuesday. I didn't expect this fast of a turn around. I thought I had at least a week.
Now to see if I can get a recommendation for an attorney from someone... anyone...
Sorry that you are struggling. See an attorney ASAP and NO !!!! Do not allow WAH to bully you into diddly squat. This is a business decision in which your top concern is protecting you and D.
You can do this. :-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I agree with Calibri -- step 1 is to speak with a lawyer. You don't have to pick someone to represent you this week, but you do need to get some advice. You will almost certainly be able to find a few family law attorneys who will give you a free consultation. Try to get 2 or 3 opinions before you talk to H. Remember that nothing is certain in the law, but if 2 or 3 lawyers give you the same advice, you can probably rely on it. It helps if they are very local and know the family court judges well.
Step 2 is to examine how you feel. I know you're reeling from the Facebook discovery, but are you 100% sure you are done? If so, then it doesn't matter what H says or does during the meeting; your mind is made up. That's easy (or at least, easier). But if you're not 100% sure, then I think you have to decide what your boundaries will be during the conversation with H. That's much harder, I think.
The cynic in me thinks that he must know you've discovered his second Facebook profile; the timing is just too coincidental. But if we ignore that for a moment, he is asking to talk, which is a 180 for him, right? I'm not saying you have to be open to him or anything he has to say, but I don't think you'd be a fool to listen to him, either.
If you then meet with your H and you all want to move forward with D - you can simply refer him to your L, particularly if you're afraid of him bullying you.
If you can't get anyone to give you a recommendation, you can interview some near you.
I suspect that you will feel much better after you speak to one.
