I am! I was able to "mourn" my credit score, so that isn't weighing me down as heavily. Yesterday I turned down an invite from WAW to join her at a spinning class. Today she asked to come over and visit D2. We shared a couple of nice hugs. I do think she is feeling better, hopefully not as depressed. She's been up and down (bad day last Friday), but I'm happy for her that she is at least having some good days.
I kind of get the impression that she's interested in me (could be wrong, but I'm not obsessing about it). If those feelings do exist, I wonder if they are rebound emotions. Her OM dumped her about 6 weeks ago. She was "in love" for several months with that guy, so I'm expecting her to go through all of the normal processes of any other breakup
Something about me I've been thinking about: I've realized the highest hurdle in breaking free from my MNG tendencies is discerning my emotions, needs and desires, especially in the moment. One typical MNG tendancy is being a chameleon, being who you think those around expect you to be (good son, perfect husband, one of the guys, etc). I wasn't a clinical case of that, but I have exhibited some of it. Obviously my feelings for WAW are naturally complicated, so I'm just giving that time. But things like what I want to say to my mom regarding how D2 is disciplined, what I want to do with my dogs...I realize I have a hard time deciding what I want as opposed to going with what I think others expect/want from me. I feel like I'm starting to break from that cycle, but still a lot of work and time remaining.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Hi Card I just wanted to let you know I went through a divorce when my kids were aged 3-9. Four kids! My eldest is 32 today and all turned out fine. My daughter who was 3 doesn't even remember her Dad and I together. We have always stood united at our children's milestones. It can be done
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
I have come to a much more comfortable place regarding how D2 may turn out if we go through with D. We are definitely cordial. I think we could even be friends in the future, something I never would have believed before, pre or post-BD. A divorce less, lifelong M with kids was a dream of mine since I was a kid. I'm pretty happy it only took me 7 months to be comfortable accepting that that dream might not be reality for me.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Aside from some really fun sledding with D2 yesterday, kind of a bummer of a weekend. Just boring and the bad kind of lazy. I had a really good workout yesterday, but it sapped all of my energy today. Other possible developments:
- I kind of have feelings for WAW again. Not surprising, still not sure if I want to work on the M. But I do want to kiss her. We kind of snuggled at her apt for a few minutes tonight - She ate a pot brownie at a party last night...?? Neither of us have ever done drugs. - She also again threatened to tell the whole world about my porn problem if I tell people about her A. That makes me definitely lean away from her. That kind of attitude is totally uncalled for. I told her that neither of us want it to get nasty, so lets not even joke about that stuff again
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Pot brownie is just another sign that both of you are in a transition period where much experiment happens. I also don't mind it much, especially as it's getting legal in more places.
I'm also curious about how the threatening came about. I'll say though that an A is a much bigger issue than a "porn problem". As I've stated here before, it's a problem because she makes it one, in all legitimacy. Not sure I'd think less of the person. Anyway, we'll see how it was brought up, but the first one who did is likely the more insecure one about their faults.
I'm interested to see where these feelings will take you, especially if they will affect your detachment, PMA, etc. Following you closely.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I personally don't think the pot brownie is that big a deal, but what do I know? I've never done drugs but I did live 16 of my 42 years in California.
The threatening, though, I don't care for. On either side. How did that come up?
I'm not that concerns about a pot brownie, either. It actually didn't surprise me. I already wondered if she had tried drugs the last 8 months. She is definitely going through even more chaos than I am. She's already drinking way more than she ever has, and she's on all kinds of mental health meds. I think she's looking for any kind of escape.
As far as the threats, we were just hanging out for a bit last night when I dropped off D2. One of my cousins came up, who doesn't like WAW (it's no secret). I mentioned that she already thinks you had an A, that we got into an argument about it in Oct, and I defended WAW saying she wasn't. WAW said, "Well now you can go back and tell her. And if you do I'll tell the whole world you chose porn over me for 10 years." It was purely defensive, trying to deflect some of the guilt. I wasn't trying to make her feel guilty, but obviously I did. So I will avoid the subject altogether unles we try to reconcile.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Having my first bumpy few days since my light switch moment about a month ago. I realize I do ideally want our M to work, but that brings on two sources of pain: She is nowhere close to ready to rebuilding our M even if she wants to (and I have no clue if she does), and the pain of her A is returning. The fact that she is nastily trying to deflect her role in it (even without me being hostile or telling anyone about it) speaks volumes, too.
Also, D2 is starting to get upset that I don't come to mommy's house with her.
Ugh
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
