Old dog seeks new trick 7

[Old Dog]

Thanks raliced. I have been thinking about moving out, and my flatmates whose opinion I value say maybe this would be a better option. They have done the 12 steps.

I think I can do this if I can detach, be like Vanilla or James Bond Stockdale.

I just looked up the Stokdale paradox. What a tough minded guy.

You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

I don't know what's best for me. I've never had goals of a career or even known what I actually want from life. Those things would be best for me. And boundaries.

[Maybell]

Also... Being a "nice" guy in the sense that you mean it -- that's a matter of tiny decisions made in the moment as you go through your life. A woman who wants to be her best self in a relationship isn't going to accept "nice" behavior -- because your happiness will be a priority for her. So asking why your W would want to get back together with a nice guy isn't really a productive question. The Stockdale paradox and acknowledging that "I'm already dead" will make it easier for you to make the changes that make you stronger and reduce the fear that you can do anything to make things worse than they already are.

Whether those changes will win your W back is an open question, but she sure doesn't seem like someone who wants to be her best self.

Take your power back, Not So Old Dog. Be the man you want to be by taking the time you need to choose to in any given moment.

And FWiW I agree with Raliced.

[SunnyB]

OD I have to side with raliced on this one. I lived in limbo seven months between BD and S. Nobody knew, not even the kids, and it was hard. But mostly it was tough on my self esteem. I thought, we have such a great life, a great family, what's wrong with ME that HE would want to walk away from all this? That was the wrong question. I should have been asking, what's wrong with HIM? I couldn't see that until he left.

Some people say that a S makes the WAS really see what they are missing. Maybe a S would be good for both of you.

[Old Dog]

I need an IC I can talk this through with as I don't feel capable of deciding the right thing for me on my own. You make perfect sense both of you. I think today's spiral us slowing down now.

As I mentioned, I have been thinking seriously about leaving. I have also downloaded our joint account statements for 2014 and started examine them.

I have options there is no need for a hasty decision. Thank you for your support.

[Maybell]

Do what you need to do. It took me a long time to get my head around things too.

[raliced]

Old Dog-

Daft Lass uses a "Life Coach". Have you thought about doing the same thing?

[Old Dog]

She did, I don't think she still does, but yes I have.

She's just gone off, it's 4.40pm saying she'll be back late this evening. I shouted obscenities at her once she'd gone and now tears are now streaming down my face.

This started on June 1st, why am I still so flippin' devasted?

I've got to do something I feel so bad.

[Maybell]

Because six months isn't that long a time.

Go for a walk. Preferably a long one, uphill, in nature.

"She took a step and didn't want to take any more, but she did.”
― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

“You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ‘I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.”
― Joel Osteen, Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential

“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?”
― Mary Manin Morrissey

[Old Dog]

8 months Maybell, 8 lousy months.

Been for a walk already. I'll have a soak instead, then I'm helping S15 revise as he won't do it on his own. Daft lass has been doing it all week and this morning.

Nice quotes. I think one footis superglued to the brake though.

PS to whoever posted those quotes originally, it should be — or —

[Maybell]

. I think one footis superglued to the brake though.

So what are you going to do about it?