Db'd after W D me in 04 remarried W in 07 DB again

[Jbird]

W said, "I haven't went to a lawyer yet, because I don't know if I want a divorce."

She also made a comment about a picture of me 25 yrs ago, she said "now that's the man I love!"

I was 50 lbs lighter, a confident young man crawling up the corporate ladder back then.

Today W left work early because all she could do was cry. She is about 20 days clean from hydrocodone, so endorphins are probably not being produced. She is on antidepressants but maybe not enough. On 1/7 she had an appointment with her psychiatrist but told him she was doing great, even her PTSD was under control.

[Jbird]

W informed she is going out of town for two weeks for work at the end of the month. I am freaking out, last time she sent the vibrator video to an old classmate. I don't think there is a PA going on, possibly an EA.

I have to keep my mind off the worries of her hooking up with someone! Maybe she might miss me?

I always prepare her clothes and pack for her, guess I will at least have her clothes ready.

[Jbird]

I got the honest truth about why W wants a divorce. It's all about me being a stay home dad with our special needs daughter. Even though my royalties were more than her income in 2013 and about equal for 2014, she says she is tired of financial burden placed on her shoulders. In 2013 her ptsd was so bad she went to a psychiatric hospital and received ECT treatments, she wanted with her all of the time,

She now works out our house for a good company so I have no problem going back to work and sharing the household duties. SND 20 came be in the house W working in her office.
Why go to divorce mode before telling someone what you want?

[bravo61]

Jb
That is the million $ question you will never get an answer to. As hard as it is let that go. My XW told me that she didn't tell me because "you never would've changed". So here I am post divorce & all my changes have stuck. Keep working on u, that's all you can control.

[Jbird]

You're right Bravo, the million dollar question will remain a mystery.

I was in the kitchen preparing dinner and W was still in her office working, she called me because her work was slow. We talked on the phone awhile all small talk. Then she asked what I was making. I said, jerk chicken with rice and beans. She asked me to bring some upstairs to her office. So I did, she likes jerk chicken so she was excited I had made some.

Last night W came in my room and sat on the edge of the bed, we talked for at least an hour. No R talk from either of us, instead she talked about her job, some of her friends and her grandma who passed 15 yrs ago. Some of the conversation she seemed happy and some times she teared up.

I sense her walls coming down, but I don't have any expectations about the future. Yesterday I kept my emotions from getting the best of me and that's my goal for today.

[Jbird]

I called S22, because he is upset with his mother. I told him to not let her plans to D me, get in between them.

He said she is a manipulator and fakes most of her mental problems to get attention. He says it is his opinion and that it is not influenced by me. When S22 makes up his mind he usually sticks to his guns.

He said she wants to hang out with him and she's not going like what he has to say. I asked him to consider what I had told him, but I don't think it's going to make a difference.

[Jbird]

Yesterday we took W's SUV to an auto shop. After we dropped it off I asked W if she wanted to be dropped off at home, she decided to go with to return a part we didn't need. When we got home I made dinner for us and SND20. Then W went to bed early as she had a headache. I used the free time I had the last two days to work on unpacking my picture framing supplies left over from my store.

W has been gone all day which is unusual she usually sleeps most of the weekends. SND20 is very upset with her mom, she can't handle being left out of whatever her mom is doing. She calls her mom and wants to know why she couldn't go with her, her mom hangs up on her after making a lame excuse. SND20 then goes to her room and cries. W told me she was going to get her new wedding ring cleaned and checked and have lunch with a gf then come home to watch football.
W informed me I would have to help her pay the rent this month because she doesn't have enough money. It has always taken both of our incomes to pay the bills so even though she wants a D, I planned on helping. I just said no problem I will help. I know that most men support their families with the majority of the income, but in our situation it worked best for me to care for our special needs daughter, because of W's mental health issue. I think she considers me a dead beat, but I supplied over 50 % of the income for the last two years. The last two months I have only supplied 1/3 of the income. I'm keeping my head up though, I will supplement our income by selling some art work and frames. My income will increase because I have some new wells that will come on line in March or April.

Worked hard for the last two days in the garage on getting stuff ready to do picture framing to supplement my royalty income. I'm a little sore from lifting boxes a bending but my mind is doing much better.

[Jbird]

W arrived home about 6 pm and I had just made dinner so she ate with SND20 and I. Then we watched some football. We ended up talking a lot about when the kids were little, SND20 was asking a ton of questions. For awhile I almost forgot that W wants a D.

W made a comment that someone complemented her on her nice ring today. She hasn't been wearing her new 8k wedding ring she purchased two months before BD.

When her conversation started to irritate me I went back out to the garage to work on organizing my picture framing supplies. That is a 180 for me to keep my opinions to myself. I was able to do it without her realizing I was bothered.

It's really lonely and I miss our SL and dates, but I know I will be okay no matter if she follows through w/D.
Could DB be working already?

[Jbird]

W looked in the refrigerator and commented. "You need to get milk today.....ah what are you cooking for dinner" she then pulled one side of her sweatpants down to show a bruise on her butt cheek. She had turned her ankle and fell trying to get off the air mattress that she sleeps on in her office.

Our life seems almost normal (like pre BD) except no SL and no physical touch at all, no flirting and of course she sleeps in her office. About three months ago my Dr put me on testosterone replacement medication because my T # was lower than the average 75 yr old man. The medication enhanced our SL and prior to BD we were ML almost daily and sometimes multiple times a day. One day last week she said, "I was horny last night I almost came in your room, I suppose you would have turned me down? I said, "oh I don't think I would turn you down." (You would think if one was planning to D their spouse they would not want to ML and would not initiate it?)

I would stop the T replacement because of the increase in desire at this time drives me crazy, but the without the med I have no energy. It also seems to help me think clearly.

[Jbird]

W got mad at S22 and me today. I went to visit him and at some point after I left his house W called him asking for me, he said I wasn't there . When I got home she asked where I was, I said I was at S22's house so she thinks we are lying to her. She yelled at me saying "if you move to ND, I'm moving to my parents town"