Wife having emotional affair part 4

[sandi2]

My only comment was a lot has happened now.

Well, good for you!

Don't fall for any of that kind of talk from her when you meet. She's just temp checking you out.

[3kids]

Thank you Sandi! The meeting went very well. We got a lot taken care of as far as the house goes. And dates of the kids and such.

I did mess up once at the end. And I was really proud of my self. Except for this. She started talking about the place she is going to move to and now how it's not available. Because of the short sale going so long and her expensise are cheaper at the old house. How she was going to HAVE to live with OM. I offered my place. As I was saying in my mind was like what are you doing don't offer!! But it just came out. I tried to recover the best I could. By saying it's been a year and things have changed, as I'm kicking myself. And she said you never know things change and a year is not that long.

Gosh I'm stupid why did that come out of my mouth. That's not what I feel right now. This person is wrong and shows no sign of wanting to work or be in our marriage. Why did that come out? She is still so wrapped up in her fantasy world. She didn't even know that she doesn't get to see her boys on there birthdays. Or have plans of trying to see them. She actually asked if I could take them more days for her for a while so she could attend more schooling.

Enough venting. Back to normal life.

Thanks again,
3kids

[3kids]

FORGIVNESS!!!

Hard lesson just learnt. My wife just called me asking if bio dad could take my oldest to a NBA game. And accuatly it was my oldest asking because he doesn't want his dad to get mad at him.

See she called and got all defensive right away and I tried to explain why we should not be ok with this. But I stopped arguing and said it was fine for him to go.

We both calmed down and she called me back when the boy was in the shower. And I explained my discomfort with this. After how many years of him not paying child support and not doing anything with him or love. How when our family breaks up he tries to jump back into my sons life.

We talked and she had a convo with the oldest about his bio dad. See, my son knows who his dad is and it's me. He is just curious who this guy is. Where he came from, who his family is and stuff like that. If anything he may turn out to be a friend, if my son chooses to have him. But it is my sons choice not mine. I already know what kind of a man he is. Maybe that's why I don't want him to be with him. Because he will drop him like he has every thing in his life. But again it is my sons choice, not mine.

Why wouldn't my son say yes he LOVES sports. It's his life. If a complete stranger asked him to go, he would probably say yes but I have to ask my dad.

Even after the convo with the wife. My son called me and asked if it was ok. I said of course son. I want you to find out who you are and would never stand in your way. Told him I loved him and goodnight.

Then I cried. What kind of a MAN do I want to be? I want to be a man who doesn't stand in the way of his non biological son. Finding out who he is and came from. And I'm very hurt that I could ever have even put that thought into my sons eyes.

So yes forgivness. Yes I don't have to forgive this man for what he has done to my son. But I have to forgive him enough to let my son find out who he is.

Very tough lesson learnt!!! God give me strength. I am becoming the man I want to be. And giving more than I think I can possibly give. Just give me strength.

[sandi2]

Gosh I'm stupid why did that come out of my mouth.

Don't be too hard on yourself, b/c you immediately caught it. I'm sure it is quite a change to not offer help when you hear of her struggles. Old habits, you know.

I really admire what you were able to do with son's bio-dad. I have had somewhat similar experiences and it does scare us to death. We are really scared the child will get more attached to the bio-parent than to us. Of course, we worry about they will get hurt, etc.

I noticed you told him you knew he wanted to know who he is (and I know you mean his biological roots) but the kind of dad you have been, I bet he knows who he is in all the ways that count most.

[3kids]

Thank you Sandi, yes it is very hard. A little because of the bio dad trying to become dad again. But more so I don't want my son to get hurt when bio dad dumps him and stops trying to make contact again. My son was so young so he really didn't know him. But this guy hasn't changed his hole life so I'm sure he will not now.

I'm really sorry about your recent loss. I lost my dad a year ago. So I know how hard it is. Just remember the funny stuff that always brings a smile to my face when I get sad about them.

Thanks again,
3kids

[PatientMan]

Thank you Sandi! The meeting went very well. We got a lot taken care of as far as the house goes. And dates of the kids and such.

I did mess up once at the end. And I was really proud of my self. Except for this. She started talking about the place she is going to move to and now how it's not available. Because of the short sale going so long and her expensise are cheaper at the old house. How she was going to HAVE to live with OM. I offered my place. As I was saying in my mind was like what are you doing don't offer!! But it just came out. I tried to recover the best I could. By saying it's been a year and things have changed, as I'm kicking myself. And she said you never know things change and a year is not that long.

Gosh I'm stupid why did that come out of my mouth. That's not what I feel right now. This person is wrong and shows no sign of wanting to work or be in our marriage. Why did that come out? She is still so wrapped up in her fantasy world. She didn't even know that she doesn't get to see her boys on there birthdays. Or have plans of trying to see them. She actually asked if I could take them more days for her for a while so she could attend more schooling.

Enough venting. Back to normal life.

Thanks again,
3kids

Learn from your mistakes and move forward. Don't beat yourself up over them.

You're doing and feeling the right things with regards to your son. Good job.

-PM

[3kids]

Got news today.

My lawyer called me. Apparently there was a six month hold off on the divorce proceedings the wife started. And my lawyer was calling to let me know that it is now over and the case is going to be dismissed. She asked if I had any objection to this or if she should contact the other lawyer to see if we should proceed.

I declined. But I really and I mean really paused when she asked me. I'm just not totally done yet. I don't see my wife as my wife as much anymore. More as a co-parent. Some days I think the love is still there for me and most I don't. It's hard to explain.

I am in a really good place since the first of the year. I GAL all the time. There are a few things I would really love to do but my funds are not adequate right now. Seems lately every time I save up enough money to do something really fun some expense comes up. And depletes my savings. I have been waiting on filling bancrupcy because of the house and if the bank comes after me for any money owed on the short sale. So just waiting for that to square away. Then I really really can start my new life plans. So excited for that chapter to finally close.

I did mention to the wife that I didn't like her slapping our daughter. And I put it as a co-parenting way. At first she felt I was attacking her and started yelling at me but I calmed her down. And I expressed my concern that it is not ok and we really need to co-parent together for the best of our kids. I suggested other ways of discipline that we could both use. And she agreed and stated how come I'm saying all this now and I would have never brought that up to her face when we where together. I simply told her we need to have to best interest of the kids in split homes. I soon found out it didn't matter me talking to her. My daughter told me a couple days later that she is done confiding with me about her mom. Because her mom got angry with her and told her she will discipline how she wants at her place. I told my daughter that that was not my intention and I just wanted it to stop. I said I was sorry to her and wiped her tears away. And asked her to still confide in me because I just care and want her to feel safe. She said she would and still loved me. I will defiantly be keeping an eye on this and if it keeps going on I will seek legal action. But at least the wife knows I know about it and do not care for it.

The kids are kind of worried right now because they don't know where their going to live. Their mom told them that they have 90 days at the old house. And she is not really looking for a place to live. I told them that they don't need to worry at all. Because if all else fails they can sleep at my house and their mom can stay with her mom until she finds a place to stay. And we would figure out every thing. They were happy with that answer.

Other than that life if getting pretty good.

Thanks,
3kids

Ps: thanks PM, he is a great young man and I am so proud of him.

[3kids]

Sometimes it helps me to write stuff down so I can forget about it. So here goes.

Yesterday I had a basketball game for the oldest boy. There is the parents that I normally sit with. But yesterday I choose not to sit with them. I sat next to the parent of some boys that I don't know that well and started convos with them. Just to get out of the norm for me. Really nice people with great kids. There kids are not so great at sports so I gave them some pointers that I try to focus on with my son. The basics. I get a call from the wife during the first part of the game, saying she was going to be late (ok why are you calling me to tell me that). As I'm sitting with these parents talking about the game and cheering on our kids. She came and sat by me and not our normal friends (ok odd). During the whole game she keeps trying to start up convos with me. Me being in my best PMA always talking back. But keeping it short. Just weird, just had to get that off my mind.

Also I declined to go bowling last night to attend a great high school basketball game. Our team is number 2 in the state in AA and we where facing the number 1 in the state. So it was a huge stage for the kids. Our only loss of the season was to them and it was close. We ended up defeating them with a last second shot with 1.8 seconds on the clock. Wow what a game! My son was there, his mom had dropped him off. After the game we where talking about the game and I asked if he needed a ride home. He declined and said he had a ride. I got a call an hour later from him asking for a ride because he could not get a hold of his mom. I said sure be there in a couple. When I picked him up he was rather short and didn't talk to much (ok teenage boy maybe). I got close to our old house and he said dad just so you know OM is there. I said that's fine and proceeded to drop him off. As we pull up the drive way, I have a huge bay window and sure enough there is the wife and OM sitting there. My son tells me don't even look at him dad, don't even look at him. I said don't worry son. I gave him a big hug and said I love you and goodnight. He said I love you also and what a game right. I said you got that right. I had to laugh to myself the ride home because I did notice that OM didn't take his eyes off me the whole time. And I never left the truck. Now I would have loved to be in the house when my son walked in because I could just hear his comments or evil stare to his mom. Because out of all the kids he is the one who doesn't expect anything from her. He just gets her absent mindness and all she focuses on is OM. He has made several comments about this. But he still loves her very much. He just understands that they are not the priority to her. Very grown up for his age.

All in all I think I handled the situation pretty good. I could have got out of the truck and confronted both. But I didn't. I could have made rude comments to my son but I didn't. I could have sent evil text messages after but I didn't. I handled it like a man and showed that to my son. Controlling my emotions has been my down fall but I think I'm getting it. Either that or I'm starting to just not care about the situation.

One thing that I was laughing about on the ride home was, I can't believe she left me for such an ugly guy. He must have a great personality. Ha ha ha

As always thanks
3kids

[Tarheel]

Impressive- proud of you 3kids! You handled that better than I would have!

[3kids]

Thanks Tarheel.

I always try to remember in those situations. My kids are watching take the high road. Plus the WAS doesn't have it easy. They have to give up there time with the kids also. They miss big events also. Plus god and karma will take care of OM.

Thanks again
3kids