Hello rppfl. Yes you're right about my OW. I was surprised IC said what she said. I'm sure IC meant if OW is getting D anyway. IC did say I must not get involved with OW unless we are both D. What my W did to leave our M is clearly wrong and makes everything harder on all of us especially for S12.
OW asked to stop talking. I'll get stronger on my own and let go of my M and my W on my own.
Better for all of us.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
My IC then very firmly said... "HP, your M is over."
HP,
So, guess what....my MC said the exact same thing to me today......I had the same reaction, it actually helps.
Like I said, I think this is part of the grief process that they are working us through; getting through that winding road to acceptance.
I don't intend to explain it away, as we all talk about our M being dead right now, but I see it as the MC/IC is looking at things as objectively as possible given the circumstances. They are responsible to get us 'through' loss and not to hold onto it. Here's what comforts me when its something as ultimate as saying this to me.
Our faith that we are going to be okay is all we need right now.
It could be with W, OW or someone else, it doesn't matter right now. Its a day by day thing.
Both MC and IC have banged me on the head multiple times and say "MCS, why are you so concerned with the future, when you need to be focused on today? You can try, but you can't control the future, but have faith that whatever is meant to be will happen regardless of what you do or don't do today."
Its them trying to help me release control, detach and not beat myself up or analyze every little piece of the sitch.
Last edited by MCS; 01/21/1503:58 AM.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
Stay away from the OW. It will only bring you more Pain in the long run. You are hurting and looking for a band aid. You are vulnerable. This pain is normal and will get better with time. As the person in a MLC has to walk their path so does the LBS.
I had an old BF look me up on FB. His wife had cheated on him and he was looking back and reflecting on past relationships. I gave him some advice but drew the line when he was moving towards romantic overtures. He was looking for something/ someone to make him feel better. This would not have been good for either of us.
Sometimes the past needs to remain in the past. We live, learn experience and move on. Each relationship we have teaches us something about ourselves. Give your self time to heal. I always have said a relationship is like the icing on the cake. Cake is great all on its own and the icing adds to it. Be happy on your own and you will in time attract a healthy woman into your life. Take your time...it's worth the wait.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Hello Karma. You are right of course. Any relationship now with my OW would not be real. We both deserve better and I need to heal.
My OW and I did have one last conversation today. Her husband saw her on FB last night. It triggered a long R talk. She told him about my M problem and that we had been talking. He knows about our relationship 25 years ago. He did not like that she was talking to me.
She said this morning she did not know and had to make a decision. She chose to fight for her M. Said there are no guarantees but she has her reasons to try. That, now that she knows I am letting go of my M, that it is too dangerous for us to talk.
I'm glad for her. I wished her and her H well. She is a wonderful person who tries to fix her mistakes. I hope I can find someone like that when I'm ready.
Thank you again for your kindness Karma.
Onward. .
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
I was starting to feel this has turned into a frustrating day. Snow is starting to fall here and my PMA started to fall with it. Nothing to do but keep going. So I rewrote the ugly vent I was going to post into this. I'm trying.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
Figured I'd post this video, since you are feeling a little frustrated today. One of my favorite clips. Perhaps you have seen it posted around these part.
It aint about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Hp, awaken the inner kid in you! I am not kidding. Go for a night stroll in the snow. Try to catch flakes with your tongue. Listen how the falling snow absorbs all the usual sounds. Perhaps you did not know this, but every flake is unique, no 2 are the same. And there is nothing like making a fresh trail in the deep fresh snow, so you can be the first somewhere where the snow can prove that no one has been there before you. Stay on the wagon, the hard stuff will not help you.
GAL dude, GAL. Go do stuff, go do stuff for you, vent here, we hear you our LBS brother. We know your pain. You are not alone.
IC said some dangerous things to you which seem to show W influence. If my notes are correct W felt that you were soul mates to OW? But in some way this seems to be IC view as well. Perhaps the conflict of interest is a truth?
S12, that lovely young thing, slightly lost as expected. HP you are the stabiliser for this special child who absolutely trusts you. It will resolve, keep on loving and giving and I am sure it will resolve. Quiet Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
