Toots is moving forwards..

[Vanilla]

Had a good GAL day today after a slow start. I decided to join a female social and fundraising group. I think they are linked to round table in some way, but this has an upper age limit of 60. For those who have had contact with Round Table, Rotary etc...you'll appreciate the importance of this!

I emailed the contact and she came straight back, very friendly. I'm going out for dinner with them later this month. I also found a beginners Ceroc course in March that I'm going to book on, and I accepted a lunch invite (friend of M&D) on Sat.

Whoopie for Toots. GAL points galore

V stands and cheers waving flag and blowing trumpet.

V

[Sotto]

Thanks V and SRD. I really notice that I feel so much better with GAL. It is hard to get it started when you are early into your sitch. You feel low, and don't feel like it etc. But I think once you get going, it really does you a lot of good. And I'm also noticing that GALing leads to things....you get chatting with someone at X....and they suggest Y etc. That's not going to happen if we mooch about at home.

Had a really good yoga class last night. First couple of times I went, I had a headache next day, so I think I pushed to hard. I was thinking I might have to give up. But last night I had a chat with the teacher (180 for me) and took it much easier. Had a good class and no headache (so far!) today.

I had another call out to Mum last night, she has a bed sensor and needs someone there if she gets up. Managed to get home by 10ish instead of midnight though.

I made an appt with the L yesterday. She's very busy atm, so it is in 2 weeks time - no problem. Also arranged to see SS and his Mum over half term. So, lots going on for me, but nothing H related - it's calm before the financial storm I think!

[Sotto]

Just journaling.....had a low evening last night (and thanks Edz for your kindness). For some reason, I just really missed H and wanted to get in touch with him. Much of the time now I feel pretty settled about things, at least for now. I have my plans, and they sit well with me etc.....but just these occasional lows. I suppose occasional is good though.

One thing I do find is that it is hard to think about our previous life together. Because I moved away from the area at BD, and it was all very sudden & traumatic, it is like my 'previous' life is just preserved in aspic, and in my mind I don't really know what to do with it. I don't want to dwell on it, but is it good not to think of it? IDK...

Each sitch has it's challenges. Some are living with WAS's and that is hard. I'm living with largely NC, which is peaceful, but hard in a different way. And our M didn't have a slow demise (at least not for me!) and that's something to keep coming to terms with.

Feeling more optimistic today, and I'm out tonight and pretty busy over the next few days, so that's no bad thing as I was wistful and sad last night.....I'm so grateful to everyone for their kind words and just for being here in support of each other.

Have a good day everyone...the sun is shining here! :-)

[Zelda09]

Toots,

Hugs to you. I get it. The wistful feelings and abrupt changes, the feelings you describe - those were the ones that were the hardest of all, even beyond missing H. Photo albums, artifacts from life, and this sense of a bad dream. I am still having nightmares around it all. Like a type of PTSD in its own right.

I am wishing you humor where you can find it, and some great nights out!

And the quote "you can't reach for tomorrow when your hands are full of yesterday's junk," helped me when I was down about it all and wanting to get free. I share it as something that may also help you shake off those moments of melancholy. I remembered all the memories I had put to rest with serious ex bfs before and reminded myself that it could be done, and in fact there always was something better and truer to me up ahead after one of those relationships.

[edz]

No probs toots here if you need me.

I know what you mean, I quite deliberately put away a lot of w and I pictures and left the wedding album with WS wedding dress etc. Doesn't stop memories though, tend to remember our early days before stress started kicking us and bad decisions some of which weren't ours meant financial problems.

Those memories I love but I can't dip into right now, I may want to some day. But the fact remains that w was not like that over the past few years not all on her lots on me but I also remember those times and a lot of the time this is less painful than those moments were.

It'll be better with w or without with someone else or without it will get better. I hold on to that.

Hold on in there toots you're doing great

[Sotto]

Thanks Zelda and Edz for your kind comments. Zelda, I don't think I've posted on your sitch, but I have been following with interest, and I have a lot of respect for how you are handling things....I'll keep reading and learning.

Edz, those memories that you can't dip into right now - I really get that. It's like touching a hot stove and going ouch! I also find it easier to think of the older stuff in our old house before we M. But when I think of newer things, that hurts much more. I also struggle to think of that period before BD when H was having an A and I didn't know.

I've had a better day anyway. I worked from home this morning, and then took the afternoon off and walked into town. Then off to M&D's this evening - just got back and poured a glass of wine....Busy few days ahead - lunch GAL tomorrow, Mum-sitting on Sun pm and working away on Monday..

[jim0987]

Hey Toots,

Hope you have a great night out.

[edz]

Hope its been a good one toots. Must admit to having a glass or two myself when I got in and got my shoes off this evening, s wanted to watch a couple of youtube videos so we flopped on the sofa and chilled out before he went to bed.

Working away sounds interesting, anything you can talk about?

[Sotto]

Hi Edz, nothing very interesting....just some meetings with the client I'm working with. But we are all going out for dinner tomorrow night too, so that should be nice. I've actually just heard about some interim work more local to me, so I pinged an email off about that this morning. We'll see how that goes.

Dad is off to a bridge tournament today, so I'm Mum-sitting this afternoon, then Aqua Aerobics this evening. Made a big pot of tomato sauce to batch freeze this morning, and also discovered great, cheap wines at Lidl - £3.99 a bottle and highly rated by the experts apparently - bought 6 bottles to stock up.

No news from H. TBH, I wonder if he would ever contact me again if I just left it. I don't think we've been in touch for 3 weeks now (trying not to count.) I've decided I'll get myself organised in February (L appt later this month, as is H Birthday) and get in touch in March about finances etc. I don't look forward to that much. Next week, I'll see our mutual friend and also HXW, so I may find out a bit more about what he is up to. Not that I necessarily want to know.....seems like the only news I get is painful (lesson to learn there Toots.)

Hope everyone is having a good day! xx (and PS: to Pink - I'm missing you my friend, and your thread locked. Sending you my best wishes and hope you are doing ok x)

[Vanilla]

Toots

Hoping something comes of the temporary work.

I have observed that some H seem to contact constantly and others just vanish! It would seem to reappear to reestablish R. It seems to mean very little at all. Your H seems to be a vanish type.

Reality bites on these WAS and change occurs, and usually without understanding why. It just seems when the LBS becomes the best they can be this happens.

((((Toots))))
V