Like everyone has said. You can handle this. Focus on you and your son work on you. Use this time to also figure out what you need and want without dealing with ur H's MLC
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Like everyone has said. You can handle this. Focus on you and your son work on you. Use this time to also figure out what you need and want without dealing with ur H's MLC
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Job - again thank you. I remember feeling a huge rush of excitement and relief when I moved into my apartment, although it was right after BD and things were very tense. But the newness and excitement wore off in about 3 months. I suspect for H it will be longer, if at all, and will expect no less. Ya, can you believe a goat? His mother is not the brightest woman in the world. She is sickingly fake with me - one of those people that smile as they stab you in the back. It's actually kind of sad, we once had a good relationship. Things started going downhill once my son was born and she started "suggesting" parenting ideas to me with emails and through my H, which really fueled his fire with me. I am not saying she is to blame, but she does not help our situation at all.
Job - I get the feeling you are a big animal lover. My kitten took over one of my son's old toys, which is a fabric bug cave filled with cloth bugs. It has a little zipper opening in the front with 2 little windows on each side and once she realized these cloth bugs were inside she went crazy. Well, the other night she actually squeezed herself inside of it and stuck her head out the opening while my son carries her around. It was so funny and we were laughing so hard that my son had to keep putting her down to grab his stomach. She has been such a huge comfort to us and just fills the house with fun and love.
2BHappy - thank you for your support and belief in me. I'm sure you understand a lot of my confusion and mixed feelings, being that you live with your MLC'r. I am doing my best to embrace this, like Caliguy said. Once he is out, I have a feeling I will be pretty happy about it. It's the moving out part that I dread the most.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
H just TM that he is shopping, then going by his house, asked if I need anything. He has been shopping Saturday, Sunday, Monday and again tonight for stuff for this house. Yet when we went yesterday it was empty. What is he buying and where is it? I just keep seeing dollar signs you guys. We have separate bank accounts so I don't see what he spends. He has no access to my accounts either. However technically this is marital money he is spending.....Shouldn't he take what he needs from here first then get whatever else he needs?? I don't want to ask what he is buying, not going there. I guess as long as he piddles his own money away and not mine, I shouldn't care? But what happens if we D, and I have more money in my accounts, because I am a big saver, do I have to split that with him? I wonder if a legal separation legally keeps our money separate? I may need to look into that because he is already like a kid in a candy store with his house and all of his upcoming projects.
I don't feel like answering his TM. I want to be left alone right now. Is that bad?
Oh and never mind that he has barely seen his son and takes no parental responsibility for him all weekend, just disappears for hours knowing I will take care of him while he plays at his new house. What a crock of you know what.
Last edited by mleigh4; 01/21/1501:37 AM.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
I would find out about legal separation. In my state (I just found out), H cannot touch my money and I’m not responsible for his debt since the day we decided to separate, which I consider the day of BD.
It looks like he is excited about that house and could be spending without control. You need to make sure he cannot spend your money, not now, not in the future when he finds himself in a deep hole. He probably thinks that he found the way to happiness. I agree with others here, it might not even last for 6 months. He is like a teenager who is ready to move to his own place.
I’m glad your kitten is such a goof and joy. I’m not a cat person, but I can picture her playing with that toy
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Please, please, please consult with a few lawyers!!!!!
I'm grateful I did early in my sitch, I knew exactly what my rights were and options/variables. It took that huge weight of the unknown off my shoulders, and mind.
Many will do an initial consult for free.
Knowledge is power.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Bright future - he is exactly like a teenager getting his first place. And you should see it. Bright yellow linoleum floors, worn out cabinets, stained carpet, stained tub and shower....I was a little taken back when I saw it. H makes very good money, but I think it is all about the land for him.
T2 - thank you. We get free legal advise through my work so I will call tomorrow.
The shopping got me a little worked up, I think it is all getting to me. I let H know I am a little concerned about his money spending. I know, I probably sounded like a mom but I feel I have a right to say something about this! He assured me he is only buying cleaning supplies, a welcome mat, small stuff like that. He then said he would like to go over what he takes from the house or not. I said I want this to effect me as small as possible, that he can figure it out. I asked what day he was moving out. He said he can take stuff to the house but can't physically move in until Feb 1. He said he planned on taking stuff over a little at a time instead of making 1 big move, that that would be easier. I said easier for who? He talked about changing the cable to my name so he can get his there, but I need to call them to get mine set up.
I am too annoyed and sensitive right now to talk about this stuff with him. So I stopped talking.
If only he would spend the time, energy and money to get help and work on himself. I suppose he needs to do this his way, but I get so tired of being so patient and understanding sometimes! I think I need a few more days to get myself grounded again before going over the details with him.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Please see more than one L, I was amazed at the differing advice, style and knowledge between the lawyers I consulted with. I'm grateful I found one that "got" what I was trying to do, not go adversarial, and she also told me several critical things that the others did not.
Very critical things.....
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Yes get legal advice. It is to protect you and your son. I loved my engagement ring so I wear it on my right hand. You can always get your rings reset too.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
It's time now to see a lawyer and get something in place, i.e., legal separation, etc. If you have joint accounts, take out half of the money and put it in new accounts in your name only. He's now moved into the spending spree mode and he'll continue to spend until it runs out just to fix up a rental.
It's time to protect yourself. Run a credit report and you can get a free one from Credit Karma any time you want. See how you are doing and also to monitor any joint accounts that you have w/him. Time to put your business hat on.
Yes, I am a true blue animal lover. I love all animals and it's a good thing I don't work in a pet store or at the zoo...I would want to bring them all home. LOL!
BTW, you may want to start taking some photos around your home in case things go missing. Generally they take things that aren't that obvious to you until you go looking for the item to use it. I'm not joking about this....they do it all of the time.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
