I chose to watch Ghandi in search of a role model. We've heard around here of James Bond, Rhett Butler and Clint Eastwood (we're short on women, right?). I wanted someone who's attitude and strength would inspire me. Ghandi is likely the most well-known human in history, given that he had such an impact in Asia where a majority of the world population lives, but also changed British Empire on which the sun never sets.
Gandhi was a man of tremendous internal strength, marching to his own drum, who never took the easy road to achieve impossible goals. He is a supreme example of the Stockdale paradox: in the face of adversity and terrible odds, he never wavered and took relevant action to achieve his goals. His stubbornness is out of this world, often throwing off his adversaries and allies alike. He displays such self confidence and moral clarity, along with clarity of thought and speech, that people around him are compelled to listen and be convinced. It might be the script, but Gandhi appears as a man of few, precise words, projecting confidence and leaving the audience with much to think about.
But the most DB aspect of his life is his setting of boundaries. Along with nonviolence, it seems to be at the center of his teachings. He simply states that certain things are unacceptable to him and his peers and that they won't abide by it. When the British impose a rule to force Indians in South Africa to be fingerprinted, he refuses to fight back, he simply states that no Indian should accept to be fingerprinted. He won by stating his boundaries and staying calm in the face of provocation, going to great lengths to keep his allies in line.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Thanks Mach1. Here's a top 5 of inspiring quotes by Gandhi for people going through a trial like ours. _________________
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.
Action expresses priorities.
Nobody can hurt me without my permission.
We should meet abuse by forbearance. Human nature is so constituted that if we take absolutely no notice of anger or abuse, the person indulging in it will soon weary of it and stop.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
This has been one of the biggest awakenings in my sitch. I'm a talker and I tend to make promises, to describe myself a certain way, etc. Now I make a conscious effort and just do, letting others find out who I am. It's not just with my WAW, but with my friends, colleagues, family, etc. It feels like a change that has already happened in me, notwithstanding my M status.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Train is a "her." Which means, Vanilla, you haven't read my story (or even my mere signature). Which also means you don't know what worked for me. Or why. Or how.
I apologise if I offended you that was not my intent. But I would point out that there was no male/female comment in my post. It was written neutrally. But I note I did say him for which I apogise that was an inadvertent slip. I did change Wonka's sex at one point too. So this is a slip I have made before which I need to watch.
There's no magic bullet. And maybe I'm reading your post wrong, but to suggest I'm saying a LBS can make a bunch of superficial changes and "keep" his/her spouse is unfair. In fact I am saying the exact opposite of this. Some superficial changes may make a difference but in general superficial is in my opinion not enough change to have a great impact.
And it's a slap in my face considering the heavy-lifting I've done in my own life and in my M.
I have made no comment about you or your M in my post other than to acknowledge this book worked for you nor was I intending to.
It's also discouraging to suggest that NOTHING we do could change a particular outcome of our M. Of course it can! MWD: "It takes ONE to tango."
That is not what I am saying either.
Read the book, Van.
I have read the book, I own a copy of it
And maybe you, too, will understand.
I did not find the book as helpful as you apparently have. This is a valid view. If you found the strategies useful that is very good, but for me some of the content missed the mark.
I like "controversial." But let's try to be factual and knowledgable before attempting to throw someone's offerings and experiences under the bus.
With due respect presenting a different view says nothing about your offering or experience. A different view is merely that a different view, it does not devalue another person merely because a view is different from another's. No offence to you was intended at all, and I believe I come from a good place in this. Just because I disagree with your view does not mean that I devalue you. My post does not discuss you as the person and I am discussing the book.
Sorry, Mozza. I don't want to start drama here. But I stand by my suggestion to you and wish you the very best.
Your view is as valid as mine, just different.
It was not my intention to offend you, just as your post is not (I hope) intending to offend me or diminish my different view. I feel that I have a right to take a different stance and to say so.
Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 01/20/1511:32 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I got a different meaning from V's post. I think what V was trying to say is that LBS can spend a lifetime trying to figure out what "they" did wrong in the marriage and V was just saying that sometimes reading these books holds us in those spots. I can tell you V is one of the best here when it comes to personal growth for this or her next relationship and looking within herself to see what can change to make her a better person.
You have explained it better than I can. Thank you MCS.
Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Ghandi is one of my role models for life, I admire Nelson Mandela and our own peace broker Mo Molem who despite having and dying of terminal cancer was a main architect of the peace in northern Ireland.
I had the great privilege of being in the vacinity of the last two of these as they travelled through their lives (albeit briefly) and both had enormous presence and peace about them.
Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I've stayed quiet and tried to focus on my resolve, but it's not been easy.
I called a lawyer. I already got some clarifications. I chose to mention my hope of reconciliation, as I see it as something my "agent" should know. She was obviously trying to handle me gently and said that there are steps in accepting a D, starting with hopes of reconciliation, then anger and finally mourning the R. I asked her if she's seen reconciliations and she said only 3-4 times in 26 years of practice.
My WAW just asked me to book 10 days with the kids in July, for a vacation. They'll go abroad, to a wedding in OM's family. It hurts because we've been to weddings over there together and we have a wonderful family pic from it. Now I just see how she'll be with OM -- her parents will also meet them over there -- and living the life that was mine so recently. And the destination itself is just wonderful, with beautiful beaches.
I was crying on the shower today and saying out loud: "Wake up! Wake up!" Usually, it is directed at my WAW but today, for the first time, it was directed at me. My M is dead and I've such a hard time accepting it.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
