I'm ok. I want to rip my hair out. I stopped myself a couple inches short from punching a mirror. Duh. That should have been stupid. Stupid is as stupid does.
Collecting myself.
It's actually much easier to stick to the basics now. All the emo stuff is irrelevant. It has snapped me into get to business mode.
Yea, ripping hair out or punching mirrors = not good.
But you most certainly can beat the crap out of him...oh wait, that was in my head...wasnt supposed to come out of my mouth. My bad, kinda
M, I believe things happen as they should. I think this did. Not the 'being his baby' part. But the 'you finding out today' part. You needed this to push you forward.
Business mode is good. But so is processing this when you are able to. Cant sweep the feelings under the rug. They just come back to bite you later on.
Take care of you right now, Mighty. You matter a great deal.
Dont do anything you dont have to do. Go in the car and scream if you need to. Find your center. And keep repeating this... "I will be ok because I am Mighty."
I know you will be, without one single doubt. I know that you will do what you need to do.
We are all here, M, holding you up, Can you feel it?
Dang - not the answer we were all hoping for. But at least now you have clarity and closure on that part of it.
I know finances are tight, and I'm the original no-debt frugal tightwad, but - if EVER there was a time to pull out the charge card and book a weekend away for you and a girlfriend (or you and the kids) this is IT. Maybe even just drive to spend the weekend at a friend's? Something. (Ok, from what I see on the news, driving - or even walking - may not be advisable back there right now. Maybe put on your crampons and go for a walk??lol).
At least go out for margaritas with your best girlfriend, or book a massage.
I haven't caught up with your entire thread as I'm usually not over here. But *something* pulled me here today, and I have to believe your news is it.
I can't compare our sitches line for line; I know they're completely different. But I remember the raw emotions of how I felt when my H came back home from an A ... with a pregnant XOW. I remember how crippled I felt when he told me that I might be carrying his first child but XOW was just two months behind. I remember how excruciating it was, waiting for the DNA results. And I remember the crushing blow of finding out it - she - was his.
I just wanted to tell you my heart is hurting right beside you today. And I wanted to drop a wish for peace and comfort for you.
Sending you love, prayers and warm, positive thoughts.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
Whoa, train! Seriously? How'd I miss that? And we are the same age. Hmmm, for me- I was trying to get preg- as that's why he got reversal- but she did instead. I'm not going to dwell on that, I just see that our stitches could have been QUITE more similar.
Thanks for dropping in. It's funny how we get that pull to check something new out, but not sure why. I feel an instant connection. I'm sorry to hear that for you. I will have to check you out. Bc I don't know what I'm doing.
Thanks k & uR. I am looking into a trip w kids in feb, but maybe a quick one for me in the meantime.
And you know, uR, I have to agree with you. I have found that things have happened at specific times for a reason. I haven't figured it all out, prob never will, but there are definite times when it is obvious to me. I can feel it. And I had the same thought as you tonight.
In fact, this morning, I had written down my thoughts of what I wanted to discuss. Didn't even matter anymore. I cut to the chase, was succinct, and to the point. I think he was shocked. I think it was a wake up call. He was like, "I've got to figure things out." He seemed.... Don't know how to explain it. Maybe it was a kick iN the pants- maybe not. I didn't pull any punches. But, he knows where I stand, regardless. And I can't waiver.
Will be back to offer more, Mighty. But THAT A was in 2005/06, and I was here under a different name. I came back last year but couldn't remember my password. And my username was linked to an outdated email address. Just saying all my emotions attached to that period of my life with H won't be available here.
But I'm keeping up with you now. And I'll be going back through your story.
I'm pulling for you, girl.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
I am so sorry, Mighty. Have been following your sitch for inspiration and strength to help bolster me up. I think you mentioned that you feel things happen at certain times, just when you have gathered enough strength to deal with them, one by one. I feel the same way...as things have transpired, I've always stopped and thought 'there is no way I could have handled this X weeks/months ago -- not before today.' Somehow we always seem to have just enough to make it over the next hurdle. You'll make it over this one too. Now at least you can start to put things in order in your mind, and step back a bit, because it is clear he has quite a ways to go before HE can put things in order in HIS mind. By that time, you'll have clarity about what you really want, and as UR always says, you will be able to make decisions from a place of strength (and heck, you've already been there, so you already know what you need to do to get back there). Prayers for you today, Mighty. Stay strong.
Me 53, XH 57 M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids BD June '13 H moved out July '13 Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14 H filed for D Nov. '14 D March '15
Hey Mighty -- I just read this recently, can't remember where, but I thought of you: "When God pushes you to the edge, trust in Him fully, because only two things can happen: either He will catch you when you fall, or he will teach you how to fly!"
Me 53, XH 57 M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids BD June '13 H moved out July '13 Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14 H filed for D Nov. '14 D March '15
I think what I hear is that he's not done baking yet. He's dealing with a new child, his older children and figuring out what he's done to make such a mess.
And here you are, trying to figure out if you're going to talk to him or not.
That's a lot to deal with. As evidenced by the sweats, right? Been a long time since I've had that level of emotion, but I remember hating it.
It also seems to me that he is remembering how she was "there for him" and I read that he is not ready to be on his own. He noticed the lighthouse, even if it was the one that causes him pain. A ship in the storm and all that...
So what's the action? Detach. Be about business. Figure out what you want and whether or not it's attainable.
There's no timeline, except what works for you. You'll know when you have had enough. And when that time comes, you will know what action to take and will not waiver.
Job's right - you're a fixer. But as a realist, you have to see that some things you cannot fix. He'll have to fix himself, else he won't be able to be around you. He has a way to go still.
Be you. Look out for you and your kids. Deal with the rest and put it to rest. i.e. the betrayal, the baby, etc. That's what the space is for. Peace is over rated, but it's all up to you at this point. What you decide needs to be right for you. Nobody else. The rest will fall into place as it should. You need to trust that.
Cheers,
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
