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Mighty Offline OP
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Kids hate it there. Especially S17. The kids there are totally out of control and crazy, and mean. They wouldn't go there. Xh wouldn't even go there when he lived here. That's why I know he was desperate to get out by staying there.

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Mighty Offline OP
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I'm sure they wouldn't even go for an hour.

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A weekend away?

Sounds like the kids are comfortable with him again. Could they stay home and he watches over things?

I just don't see how you will get any clarity or perspective with him in your face.

Everyone on here is saying the same thing...Give yourself a break.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Mighty Offline OP
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I've been thinking about it. $ is very tight right now, so I am trying to think of something that is beneficial and cost effective. I will figure something out.

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Mighty,

Not trying to nit-pick...

Pointing out the thought process you have.

When the kids are with xh, it is HIS responsibility to decide on and provide the location. Not yours.

If next door is not a good place for your kids to be, the burden to fix that is on HIM. Not you.

You are still solving his problems.

I understand the kids being the priority. It may not be comfortable there. It may not be the "preferred" thing to do.

But you HAVE to let go of some of that need to decide and control in order to take care of yourself.

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Mighty Offline OP
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You are right, s. I did tell him that it is his problem and his choices have led to this. But my thinking, I suppose still does try to figure some things out. Dang. I have been here before, and need to remember what I've learned.

Let it go. Not my gig.

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Mighty, I am going to be brutally honest here because you deserve nothing less.

Did you hear the words he said? "He cannot guarantee 100% that he wont go back with her."

That gives you hope and leaves him off the hook. How dare he? Why is that ok with you?

M, your kids are not little. They need to forge whatever relationship they do with him. Your job is to cause no harm to it. So, give him their schedule and then let them figure it out. You dont need to be involved.

I am worried about you, sweetie. We all care so much about you. You are so invested in what he says and does. That isnt healthy.

You have to leave him to figure his stuff out. I mean really and truly, M. He cannot do that with you involved. He just cant.

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Quote:
Xh wouldn't even go there when he lived here. That's why I know he was desperate to get out by staying there.


That ^^^^^ is the thinking that prevents you from truly focusing on you.

Why are you thinking about what he does, why he went where he went, and whether he is desperate to do anything?

I hope you are receiving this as I intend. A loving push to help you out of the mud.

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Mighty Offline OP
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Just like I told him that I don't feel one bit bad about his $ sitch. He made every choice to put himself in that position.

And it's not my problem.

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Quote:
And it's not my problem.


There ya go.

So no more convos with him about his $ sitch then, right? wink

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