So the girls and I are at home this morning while H is at church. I texted H that the girls are making pancakes for breakfast. His response was "pass". Seriously, what's wrong with this man? Does being with his family/children mean so little that he just so casually turns them down? They are disappointed. But they are having fun together in the kitchen. And I love hearing them. H is missing out. And he's a fool.
He is a total fool (I think tool fit's better at the moment). I'm hungry, can I come?
As a man, the man that I am anyway, I would love to be there with my girls to have fun like that.
I hope he breaks a string mid-worship.
(Heavenly Father, I in no way want to disrupt Your worship time, Lord. Please forgive my tasteless humor and the anger in my heart for a man I don't even know. Amen)
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
So the girls and I are at home this morning while H is at church. I texted H that the girls are making pancakes for breakfast. His response was "pass". Seriously, what's wrong with this man? Does being with his family/children mean so little that he just so casually turns them down? They are disappointed. But they are having fun together in the kitchen. And I love hearing them. H is missing out. And he's a fool.
Believe in yourself, RPP. And use your network. Seriously. It's your best option. I had absolutely no pride at all about telling people I was looking and what I was hoping to get and people I barely knew spread the word in a BIG way for me.
I'm sure you've got the same good feeling going for you. Use what you've built. You'll be re-employed in no time. (And if you're not, trust that it's the Plan and all will be well).
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Well, just a final soap opera scene for the day. We all had dinner together, including D16's bf, and then H, D12, and I watched a show we had taped together. Afterward, H fell asleep on the couch, D12 went to bed. I was reading in my room. H woke up and walked through my bedroom to the bathroom. He comes over, kisses me on the head to say goodnight. That's a new one. And then I said Thanks for taking care of me this weekend. And he could barely muster up a tiny you're welcome. I thought for a minute he was just going to walk out and not say anything. I didn't see any emotion attached to that so I don't know if he's just reverting back to the land of zero courtesy words or if there's something else. And who cares, I'm going to sleep.
And he's gone. Its was great to have him here, he was helpful, pleasant, it was very comfortable. It would be so easy to just take him back (not that he's asking).
But he shows no emotion, no affection, certainly no passion. And I want all that in my future. Why is it so hard to give up something good even if there's a possibility of great out ahead?
I am cleaning out some things today and ran across a coupon booklet that H gave me a couple years ago in my Christmas stocking. Coupons for "sexy" things, not necessarily sex itself but romantic setting the stage kind of things. I never cashed any of them in. He was clearly asking for more and I completely missed the mark. Wow.
But he shows no emotion, no affection, certainly no passion. And I want all that in my future. Why is it so hard to give up something good even if there's a possibility of great out ahead?
Well, ummm, because you've been married to this man for a really long time? And it's okay (not to mention really, really right) not to have given up on him?
Let go and let God, rpp.
I'm glad surgery and recovery went well. I hope you're back kicking a$$ really soon!
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Its was great to have him here, he was helpful, pleasant, it was very comfortable.
Now it's time for me to throw a paper ball at your head. He's acting AS IF you are friends. Your BFF would certainly do all these things, rpp. Let him be there for you and the kids to the extent he can. He just might surprise you.
I had my gall bladder removed back in 2005 - the ink on my divorce decree was a few months old and it was emergency surgery. My girls were 8 and 11, and my then 11 year old just started club volleyball and it was smack in the middle of fall break. We were alternating days to spend with them. Until I left him a voicemail in the middle of the night when he had them and said, "Houston, we have a problem and I think you're gonna have the kids for the rest of the break. I don't know if I'll be drugged, in surgery or out of it, so bring the girls and come over to the hospital when you can."
Post surgery, the surgeon came in and found him and my then D8 sitting with me (D11 was at volleyball practice). And Mr. Wonderful was sitting really close to me and holding my hand. I could actually tell that the surgeon was confused. And he then spoke up and said that exact thing and why. Mr. Wonderful said, "Well, we might not be married anymore, but she's definitely my friend. And beside that, she's the mother of my kids. What's to be confused about that? I care about her more than pretty much everyone else." He let me have a few days at home to recuperate without them... Additionally, while I was in the hospital, he came over and did all my laundry and yard work. Lots of leaf raking...
So, forgive me if I don't find this confusing. Your H seems a whole lot like mine in some respects. Emotionally stunted in some respects but doesn't generally like to be a prick. So allow him to be the best guy he can without expecting more. I can tell you from experience that my kids really appreciate it.
LOL, I went over to his house to pick up D17 last night and his thing lately is to walk outside with us and watch me back out of his driveway, while waving at us. That's something I do, so it usually makes me wonder for a few minutes. But I digress.
Sigh, about the coupons. I'm not going to bash you on this one. I was also guilty of being wayyyy too caught up in my mom thing as well. It's kind of a bitter pill to swallow, I know. But it's also the kind of thing that helped me frame my responsibility in the demise of *that* R. It makes me feel really bad too. I won't even go into one of the worst moments in my life with him. Just thinking about it makes me feel queasy...
Gentle hugs. Now go forth and do what Maybell suggested on the employment front. Remember your blank canvas thing. Create and dream up the job you want!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
p.s. I might have told you this, so forgive me if I have. But maybe someone else can benefit...
May will mark my 10 year annivorcery. (Yes, another former poster came up with that little gem. ) I have 10 years under my belt of confusing people with my R with my XH. We both get a kick out of it. Seriously. We've both had people come to us individually and ask us to tell them our secret or to teach them how to have a D like ours. We both tell these people that a lot depends on the other person.
Our very favorite gig (and I do mean this) used to be our first family dinner of the season for club volleyball. We'd meet a new group of parents (usually changing up a few every year) and absolutely *love* watching the confusion on the faces of the additions to our group. And our D20 got just as much a kick out of it as we did. Invariably, the truth would come out as each girl introduced her family - they usually had to name us and tell the group something personal. My D20 would get her turn, introduce herself, her sister and the 2 of us, say that her dad really IS a rocket scientist, and then mention that yes, we are divorced... and then let the confusion play out, with a smile on her face.
We'd hear the same things over and over: "But you guys get along so well?!?!" or, "But you sit together and do things for each other?" or "But I see you together all the time?" I think one time, Mr. Wonderful spoke up and said, "We're divorced, not enemies. Besides, the biggest thing that we both love is our daughter." Oh, the looks on their faces...
We still get the same thing when we go to her college volleyball matches and tournaments. But definitely not to the same level - because there are 5 other sets of parents on this team who operate THE.SAME.WAY. I hosted a cookout back when the team traveled to Colorado in September, and we had exes and step kids and grandparents running all over the place (how we pulled off feeding 43 is beyond me - I drank to keep sane). It truly was a hoot.
I also have friends IRL who love telling me, "You're still married. You just don't sleep together." OK, that one makes me laugh.
But the truth is... I think people are just genuinely confusing the practice of being kind and considerate to each other as being exclusive to a marriage. We treat each other as we do our friends. No different. If my BFF needed me to pick up her kids for her, I'd be there. If I had to reschedule things to help her out, I'd do it. My XH gets the same degree of consideration and respect.
I also know the other big elephant in the living room: Why didn't we do this for each other when we were married?
Yeah, I don't know. I probably will never know. I regret it immensely. And I've promised myself that Mr. Future Wonderful will definitely bear the fruits of this sh!tty lesson.
Off of my soap box for now and back to work. I haven't actually done any work today, so it's time. LOL.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
) I have 10 years under my belt of confusing people with my R with my XH. We both get a kick out of it. Seriously. We've both had people come to us individually and ask us to tell them our secret or to teach them how to have a D like ours. We both tell these people that a lot depends on the other person.