So much positive movement last weekend now she's running the other direction again.
I've been lurking and posting on other's threads just have neglected to update my own.
Thanks for checking on me :-)
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Train, I'm re-reading your large post and now I'm getting scared. I want to reconcile this so badly and we get so damn close then the pendulum swings the other direction. Then I realize after we get back under the same roof that I still have 10,000 miles of road to travel just in repairing the marriage.
I am purely venting at the moment.
I agree with this that train posted (I edited to fit my situation a bit better): Affairs are STUPID. They destroy families. They hurt. They hurt. They HURT. The pain is almost unbearable. And WHEN DOES IT FREAKING END??? Like, I want peace of mind back....I am so encumbered by feelings of rejection, feelings of abandonment and feelings of being scared half out of my mind that I'm a (single) dad at the mercy of a woman who has just up and left me and then chose to hook up with POS a-holes who thought they were worth more than my children and I are and they would just help themselves to OUR security. And my W wasn't even close to an innocent victim.
OK, vent mode: off
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Train, I'm re-reading your large post and now I'm getting scared. I want to reconcile this so badly and we get so damn close then the pendulum swings the other direction. Then I realize after we get back under the same roof that I still have 10,000 miles of road to travel just in repairing the marriage.
I am purely venting at the moment.
I agree with this that train posted (I edited to fit my situation a bit better): Affairs are STUPID. They destroy families. They hurt. They hurt. They HURT. The pain is almost unbearable. And WHEN DOES IT FREAKING END??? Like, I want peace of mind back....I am so encumbered by feelings of rejection, feelings of abandonment and feelings of being scared half out of my mind that I'm a (single) dad at the mercy of a woman who has just up and left me and then chose to hook up with POS a-holes who thought they were worth more than my children and I are and they would just help themselves to OUR security. And my W wasn't even close to an innocent victim.
Jefe, I'm sorry to read this my friend. I've been enjoying your positive interactions. What's happened to bring about this change my friend?
It's true about the hard work. It's tempting when you get a positive recommitment sign to think - Wow - we made it - but there's lots of hard work ahead.
My problem is I look at all this hard work and at piecing threads and think - ugh - do I want that. Then I look at D and think - ugh - do I want that? Where's the third GOOD option..?
Just hang on in there Jefe and remember, there will always be zig zags. Have a look at what caused them. Did your expectations maybe get too high? Adjust your approach a little, GAL a bit more, enjoy time with your girls, until things settle and then move forwards again.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I'm still a little lost about what made the pendulum swing the other direction except maybe her own fears. So I just have to ride it out. But I do think I can adjust my approach some. That's really the only thing I have control of anyway, me. So if it's not working I need to change me a little.
I would still rather be where I am at today than where I was at in Oct-Nov.
Have a great day, everyone!
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
It could well be her own fears. It's pretty scary to embark on the whole rebuilding journey for both parties I think. Part of you wants to, part of you remembers the great times, part of you remembers the problems and difficulties etc...
You're right though Jefe, patience, looking after yourself - slow and steady is best.
And you're right, your sitch has come forward in leaps and bounds since just 3 months ago!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Not doing so good today. We have regressed back to the beginning of Dec.
I sent her a good morning text like I have been doing since Valentines (and have been getting great response for the most part) and over an hour later I get this:
"Obviously I decided not to come back to the house. I like our friendship best. I don't want to live with you. Sorry it's not what you want."
As Hope414 would point out, very random.
I picked up the phone and called her and asked her what was going on because that seemed so random, especially since we weren't discussing the relationship and haven't been since the 14th. I got a spew of anger in return. In fact, she has been projecting anger at me all freaking week. I told her I thought it was a little disrespectful to text me these kind of things and she did not agree and seemed put off that I would even mention such a thing. I asked what she was so angry about and I got hung up on.
Guess we are back to the LRT. Very disappointed at the moment.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Jefe, I'm so sorry to hear that. It's really tough to feel hopeful and then disappointed again. As you know, sitches go through many twists and turns and whilst your W seems angry right now, she has also shown love at other times and I'm sure all is not lost.
But, as you say - a step backwards and so time to withdraw and work on you, enjoy time with your girls and friends, family. I think you're doing great Jefe, and you have come such a long way yourself since the start of Dec - so I don't think your sitch is just like it was then, because you and your approach have changed a lot.
Good luck and hang on in there my friend.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
"Obviously I decided not to come back to the house. I like our friendship best. I don't want to live with you. Sorry it's not what you want."
(Sigh)
This is disappointing but, as Toots pointed out, not surprising.
This text begs a couple of questions which you are free to ask your wife or not ask your wife.
My first question to the sentence, "Obviously I decided not to come back to the house" is:
Was she responding to a question when she sent this text? In other words, did you ask your wife to get her things and move home after you parted the last time you were together?
If not, why was your wife sending a text as if she had been forced to make an immediate decision?
Her text, "Obviously I decided not to come back to the house" implies an immediacy that I don't think you have expressed in any of your posts.
So the question goes to your wife's presumption. Why did she feel the need to reject EVER considering moving home to live with her family when the immediate offer wasn't on the table? It contradicts her next statement:
"I like our friendship best."
Marriage is the ultimate friendship. It is designed to be the one relationship bond we will have until the day we die.
If your wife enjoys your "friendship best" then her goal should be to live with you. Which is why her next sentence, "I don't want to live with you" doesn't gel with the sentence "I like our friendship best."
The more logical sentence structure would be, "We just can't seem to get along. I don't want to live with you."
Her final sentence, "Sorry it's not what you want." Is void of empathy. It is the equivalent of saying, "Bummer to be you."
Let's start with: An empathic person would not have sent this information via text.
Now, if your wife sent this text because she felt a conversation would have caused conflict--this did not relieve her of her obligation to protect your feelings. She should have begun the text with an apology and acknowledgement that the text was going to cause you distress.
Maybe the content was accurate but the way it was delivered was insensitive.
So, this brings me to a question:
What do you want to do about her behavior?
By this I mean, you do not have to acknowledge the content of her text.
But, you might want to take a strong look at how she lashes out and how you respond. We have discussed what text messaging should be used for and what text messaging should not be used for.
If you do not believe this was a topic for a text message then you should draw a boundary.
Perhaps an appropriate response might be, "This is not an appropriate topic for a text message."
