Your H is involved with someone else, or wants to be.
Totally agree with your advice, Ahoy, but this may or may not be true. Someone can be unhappy for a lot of different reasons.
me: 45 W:45 M 20 years T 22 years S14, S13, S11, D9 BD 2/28/14 D papers served 3/3/14 I moved out 3/15/14 MC start 4/2/14 I moved in 6/2/14 D suit withdrawn 6/30/14
It's certainly possible (I know I certainly hoped that was the case), but in most cases there is another person involved. I just think you should be prepared for that revelation in case that is what's really happening. I know I'm grateful to my friends who keyed me in to this possibility when the situation was still new and my H was still lying to me about his "confusion" and "needing to find himself."
I have found that it's usually the wives who might walk away out of just dissatisfaction (without being involved with someone else). In most of the cases posted on this forum, for men there is an OW. Or if there's not right away it comes out later.
Look, I would love for your H to just be confused! But don't blame yourself until you really know what's going on.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Ahoy, I truly don't see where he would have the time to have an affair, although I could see him fantasizing and sexting possibly. In someways, I think that would be easier to understand.
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
I didn't think my H had time either. He hid it really well -- it started as a long-distance emotional affair conducted by email and phone. I had no clue. He left to pursue a physical relationship with her. Then lied about the reason he left for four months. I'm not saying this is DEFINITELY happening in your case, it's just very, very common. I was glad someone gave me the advance warning to consider this possibility so I was less shocked when he finally admitted the truth. The only reason I bring this up is because, while it's fine to think about what you might have done to contribute to the current situation, if it's an affair, then really you shouldn't be blaming yourself (even if your spouse blames you). That is a tactic they tend to follow to alleviate guilt. The more you detach and focus exclusively on your own life, the better you will feel in a few months, with or without your H, as hard as that may be to imagine now.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
I could see him fantasizing and sexting possibly. In someways, I think that would be easier to understand.
Well believe it or not their is good news and bad news with this possibility.
You already know the good news (possibly - no affair) Bad news is that a fantasy affair is harder to bust and has no reality. It very often takes much longer to play out because it is all a fantasy. Buckle your seatbelt for a very long ride.
Time to make good use of the gift you are getting, don't waste it(time).
Ahoy, I truly don't see where he would have the time to have an affair, .
Sweetie don't kid yourself. They figure out the time. Where there's s will there's a way. My H is as busy as they come. But I didn't realize just quite how busy he'd been until BD
Erinn, I'm struggling with the Valentine's Day question too... It's a hard one! (It's also my birthday prior to Valentine's Day, and he's mentioned in passing saving some money to buy me a present so I guess I can expect a bday present, but I don't know whether to invite him to my birthday party. So many questions!)
I guess there's nothing wrong with having a card in case, that you could give to him if he gives you one (or am I wrong? what do seasoned BD vets say?). I'd be careful what if anything you write in it though...don't want to push in any way!
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
