Hi, so three months ago my husband said he's unhappy with his life and sees no option but to leave. He's willing to stay around for awhile to see other options, but I don't see him doing anything specific to help. I just think he truly is unhappy.
I'm reading the book and am having a problem wording a goal. I get the feeling that setting a goal of "having my husband happy" isn't a good goal. Any help on how to reword it?
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
I'm reading the book and am having a problem wording a goal. I get the feeling that setting a goal of "having my husband happy" isn't a good goal. Any help on how to reword it?
How about some simpler goals.
1) Like I will go out for a walk for 30 mins everyday. 2) I will spend 30 mins doing housework everyday. 3) I will join a club 4) I will take my kids to the playground twice a week.
Make up your own goal for YOU! Needs the word I in it!
Thank you, Cadet! I know he's giving me a gift and I don't want to screw it up. We've been together 23 years and he's my best friend. I'm trying really hard to keep up the positive attitude and will start counseling this Thursday. He's not in a place to do that yet.
I will come up with some "I" goals for myself.
Thanks again!
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
And now he wants to sleep in a separate room. Do I fight him on it?
What is fighting him on it going to do? Is that going to draw him closer?
me: 45 W:45 M 20 years T 22 years S14, S13, S11, D9 BD 2/28/14 D papers served 3/3/14 I moved out 3/15/14 MC start 4/2/14 I moved in 6/2/14 D suit withdrawn 6/30/14
Probably best just to let him know what you would prefer - that you stay in the same bed. But if that's not what he wants to do right now, let him go. He may well miss having someone else in the bed with him and decide to return who knows....
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I'm going to tell you this, and you might dismiss it, but you will likely discover that it is true once you're farther along in this process. Your H is involved with someone else, or wants to be. Don't worry about his happiness -- he is likely very happily messing around on the side. Worry about your happiness. Start focusing on your own life and how you would live it without him, then start living that way. You can't control what he does, but now you have a golden opportunity to start living a life for yourself on your own terms -- just don't factor him into the equation at all and don't try to solve his problems. Release him to go down that path, and don't look back. By doing this, you are taking care of yourself. He might wonder why you aren't pursuing him, and that might draw him back, but he might just continue. Either way, you'll be fine if you GAL and move on.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
