The awakening of ME Part 2

[2BHappy]

M4

Sounds like you on doing good with your stitch. Great ideal to let your H THINK or have that space physcially and mentally.

The ring, I took mine off in Oct and I often want to put it back on, but I dont think I will until...well if my H puts his back on, I will also.

Good idea about wearing other rings, I tried that and it did not really work made me think about my wedding ring even more.

I thought about wearing mine again, just NOT around my H (is that childish).

[mleigh4]

2BHappy - Ya I miss wearing my wedding ring a lot, I love my ring. And I, too, have thought about wearing it outside of home but haven't. I have this idea, this romantic moment in my mind when H and I will reconcile and put our rings back on during this loving moment.....then I wake up

[mleigh4]

Well.....I finally got cornered...but I knew it was coming...

Actually, while S was in the bath, H told me he wanted to talk to me later that evening. I said ok. I just went about my night, not really concerned or even really wanting to hear what he had to say to be honest. So about 9:30 I went into my room to wash my face and here he comes......

H said a little annoyed that he had said he wanted to talk to me.....I said ok....H went on to say that he had mentioned he found a place to move and wanted to let me know. He kept stopping, almost expecting me to say something, but I honestly had nothing to say. The only thing going through my mind was.....whatever.....just leave me alone......

H said the guy is pushing him, but that he hasn't signed anything yet (?) He said he told the guy he wouldn't be moving in until the beginning of next month. Again, I said ok.....then silence.....H said he intends to use this time as we had talked about. So I asked, how is that? He said he would go to a counseler and asked if I had any books I want him to read (!!??) I just looked at him, so he seemed to get a little flustered and said "Do you even want to....." then he stopped because I had started to say something. (I wonder what he was going to ask?) So he said, what? I want to know what you were going to say. So I said, I was just going to say that asking you to go see a counseler is like asking an alcoholic to go to rehab. It only works if you really want it, so please just do what you want about that.

He was quiet for a minute and said ok, he just wanted to let me know that he had talked to S a little about it the night before while they had gone out to eat (while I was getting my haircut) He said S had asked him if it would be like before, where he spent a couple nights a week with him, and H said he told him yes. I said ok. Then H said we should talk about what he is taking, the money and the schedule for S. I just said ok, take whatever you need. Then he shrugged his shoulders and walked away.

The last time he had found a place and we had this conversation, it was more loving, I had felt more compassionate and loving towards him, this time was different for me.....I feel standoffish.

I wonder if it is because...I look at him....and I don't see my husband. This guy is a stranger to me.


Ok.... so other than the counselor comment, I did a great job of STFU. But honestly guys, I had nothing to say. I didn't and still don't feel anything about it. I feel nothing. No anger, no fear, not even sadness. The truth is his actions don't effect my day to day life anymore. I still sleep, eat, go to work, take care of S, all the same whether he is around or not. He adds nothing to this, so what does it matter whether he is there or not? I am happy, I am enjoying my life and this situation does not define me, my life or my day ANYMORE! Am I in my own tunnel?

[job]

No, you aren't in your own tunnel. What you've become is detached and it appears that whatever he says now doesn't affect you the way it use to. He's frustrated because you aren't crying or begging him to stay and you also aren't telling him what to do. Your little bird has got to figure out what he wants, i.e., stay or go.

You are absolutely correct about therapy. It's only as good as the patient is willing to work on himself/herself.

I think you handled the situation very well. Time will tell if he stays or goes.

[2BHappy]

Meligh

Great job with a hard conversation!!!

Stay focused on you and your son!

[mleigh4]

Today was our trip to see the Harlem Globetrotters show. A few hours before we left, H let me know that he was going to go sign papers today for the rental house. I said ok. He said if I wanted to, we could swing by on our way home from the show to see it if I wanted to, but added he understood if I didn't want to. I just kind of shrugged.....

So we went to the game. How fun that was! S and I loved it. H said it was just ok. S was the most excited and into the game, laughing and clapping. I had a great time.

While there, I thought about seeing the house. Not for me, I trust H enough to pick a comfortable place foe S. But I thought maybe if we all went together to see it, it would show S that we are on a united front about this, that I am ok with this and hopefully will make this a little smoother for him. So I let H know, sure, let's all go together for S. H said to let him go sign the papers and get the keys, that way we can go inside. He said the guy was giving him the keys now, but that H wouldn't be moving in until February. I said sure.

So H is there now. Not one ounce of me has an urge to stop him, I feel really good about this. The fact is it's been 18 months since BD and H still doesn't know who he is or what he wants. I consider this movement. Not to mention I am pretty tired of living with a stranger......

Whew! So here we go, on to the next episode. I feel so calm, so focused.... A real inner peace. I just wonder....what will it be like for him....to leave our home...a home filled with love, comfort, safety..... To go sit in some strange house alone. Will he miss home? Will he miss the 3 of us together with our crazy animals..... Or actually my question is.... WILL I?

[mleigh4]

ok struggling with something. That was quick, huh? I made the big mistake of calling my mom and got yelled at for waking her up and she is just to tired of all of this. Such a loving woman that raised me...

Anyway, H just called to say he has the keys and was heading over to the house if we wanted to meet him there. I had talked to S, he doesn't care to go see it tonight and I really don't, so I let H know but asked what he thought. I asked, should I just tell S we are going? H seemed a little annoyed about it and said of course S doesn't want to leave the house to do anything but that was fine, we could go another time or he could just take S alone.

So here is my struggle, I honestly don't care about running out to see the house H is moving to. I mean, should I? I will go with S so he knows it is ok with me, but I just don't feel like running over there as soon as H gets the keys. Am I supposed to be excited?? We have plenty of time to go. Let him go over there by himself right now and take it in, alone.

So I want your opinion. H really seems to want my approval on this thing. I am not angry at him, but I certainly am not excited either. Do you guys think I am handling this ok?

[2BHappy]

If it was me and son did not want to go and I really don't care I would not go today or anytime soon.

[123Gwen]

Accepting a situation is very different from doing a happy dance. You can be gracious without running over to check things out. You trust H as a father. Your approval is not required. Unless you desire to see this place I'd focus on myself if I were in your shoes.

[job]

I wouldn't run over there to see the place. There will come a time when you may have to drop off or pick up your son from there and that would be the time to see it. Your h is seeking approval, i.e., like a teenager would from his mother.

This was his decision to make, therefore he has to face the consequences of his actions. He signed a lease and once he's moved, it becomes a separation of things. Trust me, there will be many times that he'll think about his home and what he had, i.e., just like you did when you moved out. This time around, the shoe is on the other foot and he will definitely miss all the comforts of home and daily interactions w/his family. Eventually your man child will grow up and figure things out.

Carry on as you have been.