Hporoit, the one thing I said to her when she said she wanted to be freinds forever, 》As long as she considered the om a friend I could not and would not even speak to her period. He was involved in destroying her soul as well as tearing apart my heart. I will never forget that look on her face when I confronted her about affair for the rest of my life. I know I need to forgive and not be bitter and that is something that I am working on. I am certainly not there yet. I think DB is a good site but I think us lbs need to make a ultimatum alot earlier than 90% of us on this board do. It's very hard to do! The no beginning etc. The waw loose respect for us and feel like they were entitled to cheat because we were bad communicators ,or a number of other excuses. I think it is a combination of things but lack of self respect and selfishness is at the top of list.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Welcome to the love at a distance club. You need to get out and let her deal with being apart. Better pre-D than doing all that stuff and her realize after. Wish mine would have. Either way, she does not need to know your every move, thought, waking moment. If she wants to know that, she can be you wife. Being a friend.....a demotion....I am currently in that boat, but said prior to D, that I was not interested in her friendship. I am now proving that. Being polite, not much chit chat or contact. I feel it is working. Who knows.
Keep us updated.
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
Newb3, you have me thinking about what you mentioned regarding leaving a little sooner. I have been at this for a year. I have definitely detached! But I have been super dad picking up the slack for w. I am thinking about getting an apartment. I would still take kids to school in morning. But treat everything else like a D. Money, weekend's as what d would be.
I have been getting along fine with w.but she still has all conveniences of m, security, help with kidsetc.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Its been 3 weeks since my last post. Today we told the kids. My stbxw was a nervous wreck today. I wrote a suggestion for her to say too the kids.I was with her and let her do the talking. I thought it was important for her to be the one to talk since this was not something I wanted. I told the kids I loved them and that I would always be there for them. I am going to stay at my sisters house 10min away and take them to school in the mornings.the D process is still in the works and If I need to I will move back home. But it has been a year and I am in a place where I really don't want to be around my w. She is a control freak and thinks she will still tell me what to do. I asked her to give me a schedule and to stick to it. I don't plan on speaking with her anytime soon. The kids are in shock. The twins 6yr old boys are asking alot of questions. Like who wanted this and why can't we get along.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Not sure what to think of today. My waw called me today on her break at school. I asked her yesterday not to call me unless it was emergency w kids. After her 4th call I answered. She was crying histarical which is something she has not done through out this past year. I don't know what to think about it. I feel she may be realizing what she has done. I told her I couldn't help her out. She refused to see any counceling. Maybe she will look into the mirror and not like what she sees.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Not sure what to think of today. My waw called me today on her break at school. I asked her yesterday not to call me unless it was emergency w kids. After her 4th call I answered. She was crying histarical which is something she has not done through out this past year. I don't know what to think about it. I feel she may be realizing what she has done. I told her I couldn't help her out. She refused to see any counceling. Maybe she will look into the mirror and not like what she sees.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
I don't know if she is reaching out for help or not. It is so different from any other emotion I have seen from her throughout this sitch. I let her give the kid talk and she told the kids we were seperating. She wanted me to tell the kids and I just felt this was her decision so she should be the one to tell them. I helped the kids with all their questions and told them everything will be okay. I don't know what else I can do at this point except move forward and keep the schedule we worked out. She knows I still love her and also knows only she can change the situation.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
It sounds like she is feeling really distressed after your talk with the kids, which isn't surprising. It's one thing knowing that has to be done - and another to actually do it and see the impact on them.
I wouldn't read anything else into her emotional state. But if she wants to talk to you about it, you can validate and acknowledge this is hard for everyone..
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Toots, thanks for the message. I am sure you are right about her feelings about this. I don't know how you could feel any different unless you have no heart what so ever. I guess she is looking for me to see she is hurting too. I think that is God's way of saying D is supposed to be painful
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
