I am not sure what to do with conversations with wife. We have had a few. Most recent last night. I was reading the book What a difference a daddy makes on my Nook. W walked in and asked what I was reading. Then asked what it was about. The book talks about the father daughter relationship and how it impacts the daughter with all her relationships, husband, kids,siblings, freinds. She asked so I described the jist of book. She got angry and said why don't I read about how to make a good divorce for kids. Anyway she spewed and got me upset, I let her drag me in ,I responded with she hasn't delt with her issues with her dad a banding her as a child and the effect it's had on her. It's been anissue she hasn't delta with in the 19yrs we have been together. Anyway we calmed down and she told me I wasn't there for her when she was sick. Never was she sick with any disease, maybe flu bug, but I just validated and said if I could I would do a lot of things differently. We talked about the D process which end of month is a hearing on temporary housing during D process. I take kids to school in mornings, and pick up from school 50% of time Her job doesn't allow her to get kids to school in am. My position is I don't want her to leave, but I am not going to live with her until June going through this, it's to hard on kids and me. I told her I didn't want her to leave but couldn't live as friends and as much as I would like to be her friend I wasn't sure I would be. That was about it. We talked for a few hours. She said she was worried that I would re marry a younger woman and have more kids. I said that is a possibility.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Seems like a totally unnecessary interaction to me. To be honest.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
I haven't been looking forward to the holidays. Been GAL and focusing on kids and business. So here is a summary of the last week. My wife has been avoiding church and church freinds. We went to church together last Sunday and again xmas eve. It was really nice to have her there and could see a positive impact on kids as well. Last xmas was really lousy, wife was really withdrawn and down right angry. This was a month before d day. No presents or cards for me. Looking back I new something was wrong but didn't put 2 and 2 together. Fast forward a yr. Wife made a point of letting me know she bought me a gift. I wasn't planning on getting her anything but decided to get her something small. Anyway xmas eve was good she cooked dinner and we got kids gifts together later at night. Xmas day she took some clothes to a family from church. I thought it was a good sign since she has avoided this freind for the last 9 months. Wife came home and wanted to let me know she had put me on her insurance when she got her new job in august. This struck me funny, since she filed before getting job. Anyway I own my own business and it does save me some $$. We had a pleasant conversation, no R talk. We talked about her going out to see her dad and how she didn't want to go. We have had many problems with her dad being a issue in her unhappiness. Xmas night We went out to dinner as a family and had the best time we have had in over a year. She paid me a few compliments at dinner on clothes and looks.which I flirted back but kept it light.she knows I still love her, but it is up to her to take a step to want to come back. I guess I will take last few days as a positive and try and build on that. She has reached out to her brother and his wife the last few weeks which is a first in 9 months. I am hopeful.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Update, court hearing today. It was the first one about temporary housing etc. Original summons judge granted her home x amount of money per month. Me too move out. She told me she didn't want me to move out.so another hearing will be set. WAw told me that I could stay until I wanted and would like me to stay at least through school year. After hearing she called 5min after we left hearing. I was on another call and didn't answer. She called later and asked me to meet her and twins for dinner. I went and just kept conversation light. My attorney told me after hearing to just get through this and don't fight about little things. My wife thinks we are going to be freinds when this is all over. She knows that this is not best thing for kids or her. Almost 50yrs old and just starting a teaching career. She wants to hang out and talk like nothing is going on. I could use some vets help.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
What do you feel when wife tells you she really cares about you but doesn't want to be married to you anymore. That's the conversation I had tonight. I had a long conversation with wife tonight and we shared some feelings from our marriage and what problems we had. My wife felt like I didn't respect her at times in our marriage. I validated and told her I would do so many things differently if I had to do it over. I did apologize about beating her up emotionally about her affair. She told me she was really sorry to put me through that. I feel like she is totally detached from me. She has always liked hugging me even through the past year. Tonight she gave me a very cool hug. UT feels like she is gone. I am not sure if I just need to move out and live with my sister and her family 15minutes from here. I will always care for her and all we have been through in 19yrs. I just don't know what or where to go from here.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Today my w and I talked about how to split assets etc, kids etc. She was angry when I asked her to email me what we discussed. Her attorney asked her yesterday to review a affidavit that was sent to her attorney back in Sept. He told her he needs it bye tomorrow. She called me and asked if I could get my attorney to give her until Monday. She became very angry when I suggested she discuss this with her attorney. He is reason she has no time to work on it, not me. She told me she has not been sleeping and wakes up thinking this is a nightmare. I don't know what to say too her other than this is what you want. I didn't commit adultry and I didn't file for divorce. I am sorry if you are having a hard time with this but I can't help you with this. She then said I needed to forgive her for this that she is really sorry and hopes we can be good friends for the kids sake. She just feels like she needs to do this. I responded with thats how you feel and I just don't feel the same way. I know that the only way we could have a new marriage would be if she showed real remorse for what she has done. and withu me being her freind to be there when she needs something isn't going to change a thing. She needs to put on her big girl pants and do it on her own. This woman raped my soul with what she did and destroyed her own soul. She thinks getting divored is hard, I think that will be alot easier than living with yourself after what she has done to herself and her kids. Life is short! As you grow older and your outer beauty fades your heart and soul are what really defines who you are.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Tonight at my bible study I realized that God will work in your life in ways you don't sometimes realize.I know that he is working through me for my kids. I have said that I have found him through this crisis and wonder If maybe he found me instead. I have not made this easy for my wife and maybe she is resentful because of it. I think it is a control thing for her. She is a control freak! My wife has lost her faith and the only thing that will bring her back is too find her faith.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
I do think Starsky is right and just turn it over to God, don't be a doormat and stick to your principles and beliefs and don't give in to the manipulation.I am a slow learner and could have done things alot different this past year, but the one thing I have done right is looking in the mirror and working on what I didn't like about me. This has been a very humbling experience that has changed how I look at my life and how I want to live it. Love more, hate less and be thankful for the blessings I have
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Hello igit. I've been reading your sitch. Sorry it is down to the D wire for you. It seems like your W still thinks you are friends. That can be good right?
You mentioned she had an A. Is it ongoing and you're afraid of being a doormat? Then yes like Starsky says your should pull way back. Stop talking to her unless she talks to you... you know that sort of thing. Is your goal still to R someday?
Also, put some spaces between your paragraphs. It makes your story easier to read and you're likely to get even more responses.
Good luck.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
Hpoirot, she claims that the Affair ended last spring however in July I saw her car in his garage.She said that that was last time that she saw him and it was to let him know that she was getting a divorce. Go figure! I have done my snooping and do believe it has been over for 3 or 4 months but I have zero trust with her. You know the saying around here, believe nothing! All cheaters are liars etc. As far as a future R with her i can honestly say that I have no interest in her current state. Do I still care about her! Absolutely! Do I still love her! Yes! But it takes 2 to make it work! We can do everything in our power to change ourselves and become a better us,but unless they do the same there is no chance. So being her freind rt now ain't in the cards. I will be a great dad to my kids and don't wish anything bad for my stbxw. But this is her journey! I didn't sign up to be a platonic freind! She lost my friendship and only she can fix that. I won't be holding my breath. I will love her from a distance anything else is up to her.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
