Yes, I need to give him as much time as I can. I do recall when I was a WAS, but of course in my head I think "I was not this bad" "I was not this distant" but that is only my perception. But I do know how I felt, like I could not stand my H, like I could not wait until my son was out of HS so I could leave,,,wow now I pray I don't get that wish. I know how horrible I was as a WAS and I see now how much I really hurt my H back then.
I know H and I are different in how we respond and think, I need to really really give him space, and I have things I still need to work on within myself.
mleigh4
2015 I know it will be better then 2014 in regards to my R with my H, dont know if that means we will be H & W, but our R with each other will be better.
I know for a fact I will be a better person!
Happy New Year
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
I think the same things in my head about when I was a WAS. No way was I this bad! I wonder if we were in our own fog and have forgotten things? I couldn't stand the sight of my H. I would dread going home each day after work, I only did for my S. I did not have good feelings and I figure if H had pushed me to feel something for him, it would have pushed me farther away. The best thing my H did was back off and give me the space I needed to find my way back home. Unfortunataly, we may be paying that price now.
I think if we look to our own experience, it may give us the strength and patience our H's need right now.
You sound good, I hope you have a great day. Happy New Year!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
THANKS for the constant reminders to RE READ DR & DB.
Right here
No problem, I can see a change in your tone after that re-reading. Keep it up!
Plus in the spirit of asking for what you want, I do want to to write down those goals of what you would like to have happen.
Again: Keep it up! & HNY!
Me: 43 M: 10y S:15 ILYBINILWY 2/18/13 W moved out 2/18/13 Filed for D: 2/17/13 Got DB: 2/20/13 Got DR: 2/23/13 180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13 D Final Dec '13
So I have been pretty good at hiding my DR & DB books.
Well I slipped up since H was not home I laid book on table, s14 sees the book and reads the title DR, he was like oh wow Mom,,,
And he left the room, I called him back and showed him the test of title that said 7 steps program for saving your marriage..I had to call him back several times he keep saying he did not care and did not want to talk about it, once he came back I told him I was just reading to try and make our marriage better and that we are not getting a D. He keep saying he did not care, I then ask him to not tell his dad and he said why not, I told him his dad might get mad cause he does not think anything is wrong with our marriage and I just wanted to make it better, spice it up, s14 said no mom its saves "save your marriage"
I tried to make light of it and said S14 you know I read anything and there is nothing to worry about,,,he again said I don't care and left the room,
I called him on his cell (he refused to come back to talk)and ask him if he had any questions he said no and I dont care,,he said Mom you care, but I don't.
Not sure if I even handle this right, not sure what I should have said or done, and I pray s14 forgets he even saw this book and does not say anything to his dad.
I dont know what else to say,..
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Happy, Give him some time to digest what he saw today. I'm sorry your son saw the book, but I would let him know that you purchased the book after his father had moved out and read it then to see what you could do to help save your marriage and to help you to have a better understanding of what was happening. I would tell him that the only reason it was out now is that you were re-reading parts of it to see if you and your h were still on track and if there were any other suggestions that you may have forgotten since purchasing the book a year or so ago.
Don't try to explain yourself any further until you sense he's ready to talk about it. Okay? If he does tell his father, be honest with him as well. Honesty is the best policy and I'm sure your h would understand since it was purchased long ago.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
OK I did tell s14 I was being honest with him and that marriages sometimes most times hits times/phases where it needs extra work to stay on track. S14 said he did not want to talk about it, that H and I marriage is our business and not his and that he would not care if we did get a D he only cares that we are both happy,,,he told me if I wanted to talk about it to call my mom and talk to her....
Just update, my H never moved out...it was threaten early on, and I offered/suggested several times, but my H has been in our home the entire time,,,since BD
I told him that he knows I love to read and I wanted to see what ideas this book had to offer...
But S14 got stopped playing xbox after seeing the book and got into bed,,,I ask why he stopped playing he said he just needed a break,,,now s14 seems a little tense,,,
I told I wanted to make sure our M is in a good place...
I keep talking I was sooo dang ole nervous, then I felt like a jerk to have not thought about keeping the book hidden.
I wish s14 had never seen this book.
Last edited by 2BHappy; 01/02/1510:49 PM.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Happy, I'm sorry, I was thinking of rH when I mentioned your h moving out.
Give him some time. The more you try to explain, the more he's going to pull away.
It's true, relationships do hit some stumbling blocks along the way and the "partners" have to work a little bit harder to find ways to keep the communication open and work on the issues together.
Again, I'm sorry he saw the book. Give him the time and space to digest the info. Leave him be for a while. Okay?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
If S14 mentions it to me I will be as honest as I can, without telling our adult business, without details.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
I'm sure that once he's had some time to think about it, he'll come around and ask questions. He just needs some time to think about things.
It will be okay.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
2BHappy, I don't think it is bad that your S saw the book. It's a book about improving your marriage and shows that you are wanting to make things better. Trust me, children know when something is not right with their parents. I think honesty is best. The best lesson I believe for our kids is the reality that relationships are not always smooth. Problems will come and go. It's up to us to teach them not to run and hide from it, but to face it and work at it.
Hopefully that is what he sees with the book. I don't know, that's just my opinion. You did nothing wrong, you are trying to do right.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
