ONE MORE QUESTION FOR ANYONE -- any experience sending an email or correspondence to their spouses affair partner, asking NICELY in a very genuine manner, to please not come to our house until after things are finalized? Everything I read says it is a slippery slope for kids in that environment and I am concerned about mine.
I don't think the OM has been here...yet. But I do have a feeling, based on the current timeline, that is may be in the cards within the next few months?
"And yes, I now know and EMBRACE that (1) this is not really about me (2) I am not responsible for her happiness and (3) it is not my fault that she is doing what she is doing. DONE, DONE and DONE."
I'm in a simular situation. These posts are really helping me along as well. One day I'm willing to forgive , another to move on. W needs to get out of the fog and come "home". Roller coaster ride indeed.
Just to be clear that I'm not calling you "luv" as a term of endearment, ok?
Originally Posted By: luvmypg
ONE MORE QUESTION FOR ANYONE -- any experience sending an email or correspondence to their spouses affair partner, asking NICELY in a very genuine manner, to please not come to our house until after things are finalized?
FEEDBACK?
Standing by.
Absolutely not. Do not contact OM under any circumstances. Do not acknowledge him at all. Don't even think about it.
ONE MORE QUESTION FOR ANYONE -- any experience sending an email or correspondence to their spouses affair partner, asking NICELY in a very genuine manner, to please not come to our house until after things are finalized? Everything I read says it is a slippery slope for kids in that environment and I am concerned about mine.
I don't think the OM has been here...yet. But I do have a feeling, based on the current timeline, that is may be in the cards within the next few months?
FEEDBACK?
Standing by.
Just caught up a bit on your sitch ... thought I would chime in.
As far as the OM contact .... never a good idea. As bad as I have always wanted that .. even an accidental meeting ... I know it would do nothing but damage, you would only drive her colser to him and she will defend him tooth and nail at this point and that gets you no where regardless if you want R or not.
The anger thing ... I will tell you for me... its fuel to get to where you need to be, detaching, not focusing on W, moving past some of the hurt ... at least that's what I have used it for. Its a cruddy place to be ... but what you are feeling is normal and beware its cyclic ... mad and angry for a few days .. level out .. then just having 'meh' days and can not explain why ... rinse repeat but with each wash its less intense.
"any experience sending an email or correspondence to their spouses affair partner, asking NICELY in a very genuine manner, to please not come to our house until after things are finalized?"
Honestly? You'd probably be laughed at by them. It's YOUR home. You DON'T ASK someone to not enter YOUR own home.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Mr. Bond, Caliguy, NGuy, and Wonka (you know you LUV me...come on!)
The good news is that you'd all make good attorneys, because mine told me the same exact thing. So if nothing else gained from these posts, you all might want to consider Law School! I actually sent my Atty a draft of what I was considering, and I was given praise for being able to write such a sincere note that had zero anger and only appealed to a sense of reason. I am happy that I at least wrote the draft and know that it was done right. To all / everyone's point, am not dealing with people that are sincere or have a sense of reason, or we'd probably not have our two families in this train-wreck of a situation. Regardless -- THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE.
So as long as I have your attention, a little bit about my day. Like normal, since the separation began, I woke up at 4:30 AM. Don't know why am doing this, just know it keeps happening. I am sleeping really well now, aside from that, Can go to bed @ 10:00 PM and sound and quiet...until 4:30...like a GD clock. Anyway, sometimes I get something to drink, use the potty, or whatever but am able to go right back to sleep.
This morning, after I fell back asleep, I had THE BEST dream about my girlfriend from college. We were somewhere (hey it was a dream, cut me some slack) and we were happy and laughing as we laid in bed together (fully clothed nothing graphic I promise) and we were getting back together. She was SO beautiful and her smile and laugh seemed so real and vivid. She rolled over from me and I rubbed her back and she was so happy, I could see the smirk on her face. Then, she stopped, rolled back toward me, and pointed a finger at me with a smile and said "but we can't have sex for two months because it has been so long and we don't want to rush this! Okay?" (with a another smirk). "Of course!" I told her. "I am just so happy to be with you again". We laughed and kissed and curled up together....and then MY DAUGHTER started calling me "DADA....where...ahhhhhh....you?? DAAAADDAAA...?" I woke up and it was seven o'clock. I have been in a great mood ALL day for this.
I have questioned my psyche here, wondering if I was projecting an need from my W onto the notion of a past love, yada, yada, because I am such a cerebral dude and all. Then I stopped thinking about it and just enjoyed that time I got to spend with my past love, who by the way, was always the greatest love of my live until I met my W. We were in college, we didn't do everything right, we were young but SHE was such a great girl. My folks (especially my now passed father) LOVED her, and I just thought she was such a beautiful person. She was beautiful aesthetically but to me she was the most gorgeous girl because of the person she was (and probably still is). Great girl, great laugh, and was always there for me. Most of my four years of college and little after were with her, and I was lucky to have that time with her. Crazy to think I am giving her this praise after twenty years and she has no idea. What a strange world we exist in.
So I had THAT on my mind for most of the day, talked to one of my college buddies who knew my (college) GF well and told him about the dream. He thought that was great. We laughed and he agreed how awesome she was and that everyone (all of our friends) loved her...etc...etc...etc. So work was great with that on my mind, had a very productive day, then went to my buddies son's basket ball game. Now at his house, banging out this Tolstoy-like novel / post and thinking about bed.
I have no doubt in my mind I will meet someone Great, I'm sure when and after I do I will say "Thank You" to my X for giving me the opportunity. Funny I still can't get it out of my mind though I just don't want to. All the Love and effort that I put in I still want to see come back to me. 2x4 me.
I too wonder what 'that girl' will be like. I COULD say that they have all been amazing to this point in my life, but at 44 and the situation I am in, it looks like I STILL haven't had a successful long term relationship? They all started out great. W is still the 'love of a lifetime' -- nine of our ten years she was pretty amazing. For me, without fluffing my own ego, I feel like I am at my best, personally, career wise and my self image is solid. I wonder what she will be like...
Today was another solid day. Work was great. After work has been great and now jotting down a this update before bed.
QUESTION FOR ANYONE
Is it a sign of detachment that you need to remind yourself to think about your W and the situation? I am finding more and more that my mind is no longer 'defaulting' to this. Of course it comes and it goes but it seems like the frequency is lessening.
Standing by.
M: 44 W: 35 D: 2.5 M +5 | T 10 OM + Affair admitted 11/11/14 Separated 11/27/14
