When she ends it with OM, agrees to be transparent with you, and indicates she REALLY wants to work on the marriage.
Right now, I think she's either playing you, or just some general amorous feelings related to the holidays, or doing the ol' "romantic comparing" that a woman will do while wayward: comparing how being amorous with you "does it" for her, compared to when she's with OM.
Hello mikechc. How can you tell if OM is in the picture?
I can only tell you my experience... my W was being nice to me too while not telling me she had ended OM contact like she said she would. So I'm making her home life was comfortable while she has her A. She was very happy and in dreamland while that went on. Can't have love without respect, so I confronted her with... "If you continue your A we're not friends." That made her life (and mine) very uncomfortable and made her very unhappy. Soon after, I took other actions making her life in A more uncomfortable.
If your W knows you know about her possible OM contact, and you don't challenge her on it, she will happily take advantage of you and keep enjoying her A. If that's true, you're her buddy and paycheck now, and it's in her best interest to keep you happily docile while she enjoys the man she really wants. Yes that is brutal... and that was my life for a few weeks. Smiling at you, showing interest in you, sleeping in your bed... then threatening to take all that away from you if you step out of line or show anger.
So, if she is still seeing OM, it's not real.
I took advice to say something like... "While you choose to continue to see OM, we are not friends. Friends do not treat friends this way." Then really stop being her friend. Be friendly and treat her like a neighbor. Don't accept her hugs, kisses, sitting on your lap. Follow Sandi's rules. Get your own private bank account and keep your money that used to be her spending money in it. It [censored] for you too. Just keep going.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
Starsky, do you agree with Sandi2 that I should use the LRT? My concern is I wanted to make sure she saw the "new me - 180s" before using the LRT, so she would have something enticing to come back to. Thoughts?
My DB coach, Chuck is recommending I stay on the LRT for now, as W shows signs of warming up to me. Doing what works, still not pursuing at all. I have not been checking her phone or where she is going, so I don't know if she is still seeing OM. I just assume she is, as she hasn't said anything about our relationship or that she has stopped her philandering. It is tough to continue on this path, not knowing or seeing any remorse from her. I think she is still in denial mode and don't think she will change until I leave or tell her I want a divorce. As I said before, I can't afford to move out, short of staying with a friend for a short period. It [censored] being in this sich. I have to listen to Chuck for now, but feel like the end of my patience is coming to an end. Not sure if I could ever trust her again or even want to stay married to her. I actually think she tells me she loves me whenever she has been with OM, out of guilt. My boys are keeping me in this game for now. How long should I give her to come to her to come clean and want to work on the marriage? I keep hearing about miracle reconciliations, which gives me small amount of hope to keep going.
My DB coach, Chuck is recommending I stay on the LRT for now, as W shows signs of warming up to me. Doing what works, still not pursuing at all. I have not been checking her phone or where she is going, so I don't know if she is still seeing OM. I just assume she is, as she hasn't said anything about our relationship or that she has stopped her philandering. It is tough to continue on this path, not knowing or seeing any remorse from her. I think she is still in denial mode and don't think she will change until I leave or tell her I want a divorce. As I said before, I can't afford to move out, short of staying with a friend for a short period. It [censored] being in this sich. I have to listen to Chuck for now, but feel like the end of my patience is coming to an end. Not sure if I could ever trust her again or even want to stay married to her. I actually think she tells me she loves me whenever she has been with OM, out of guilt. My boys are keeping me in this game for now. How long should I give her to come to her to come clean and want to work on the marriage? I keep hearing about miracle reconciliations, which gives me small amount of hope to keep going.
Not sure what is going on right now. W is being more considerate and respectful. More playful and warm at times. Doesn't seem to be out of the house as much and tells me what she is doing. I am not tracking her, per DB so I don't know if she is still seeing OM. Not bringing up relationship. DB Coach says ok to ask her if she knows what she wants yet. I don't trust her or what she tells me. As they say, only believe 50 percentage. Wondering about my next move or stay on this course and wait for her to bring it up. It just doesn't seem like she ever will.
Valentine's Day is in two days. W has been warming up but wondering what to do about Valentines Day. DB coach says to do something she doesn't expect. It is hard to get away as my disabled S has been real sick. Bought non description card, no I love you. Thought about getting tickets to see a comedian we both like, but show is not for a couple months. Thought this would be something FUN to do together. Any thoughts or ideas when still living together an lovingly detaching?
