WAW Dating - Oh noes!!..

[jim0987]

Glad you enjoyed the caroling.

Its not wrong to think that about their relationship and in a lot of ways the sooner its over the better, however depending what place you wife is in, if its over too soon she might not be ready to give you another chance and so would look for someone else.

Its not a pleasant thing to do but think long term and ask yourself what is the SECOND best outcome from all of your situation. See what you feel toward the BF then.

I'm confident everything is fixable if you're both willing

[LoveMyW]

Glad you enjoyed the caroling.

Its not wrong to think that about their relationship and in a lot of ways the sooner its over the better, however depending what place you wife is in, if its over too soon she might not be ready to give you another chance and so would look for someone else.

Its not a pleasant thing to do but think long term and ask yourself what is the SECOND best outcome from all of your situation. See what you feel toward the BF then.

I'm confident everything is fixable if you're both willing

I'd like it to be over soon too Jim!!.. Although I want to see W happy, I honestly don't want her to in this way and it's not hard for all and sundry to see the fog/lust/infatuation will bring her unstuck..

I suppose it's a common thing that WAS that get in to these relationships almost always "downgrade" from their H/W when they start with another person.. In this case, it is textbook..

To answer your question, I feel I'm at the second best outcome right now.. An awesome relationship with my kids, and amicability for their sake with her..

Knowing what I know about BF (all bar 1 claim confirmed), I can't see myself changing my thought towards the POS.. If he was a better person than myself then I would consider an amicability there at some stage in the future, but as it stands right now I will not accept it in any way with him as looking at level headed, he isn't the type of person I would hang around even if all this wasn't happening, so I am not making time for him..

That's the thing, she needs to see it all for what it is and become willing.. I know I can't change/influence that, but we can all hope..

[LoveMyW]

Just journaling here..

Took S6+9 to a xmas get together with my side of the family.. Had a great afternoon with good food and company etc.. W was invited and would have been accepted in with open arms, but due to some last minute shopping that needed doing she couldn't make it.. At first thought I was thinking it was to catch up with new BF, but no, she really did shopping!!..

Went around looking at xmas lights when it got dark and met W around the halfway mark and she took over the light hunt as she has them tonight.. I will be at W's residence in the morning for Xmas stuff with the kids..

I feel like I am detaching more and more, and it feels good.. I'm still wanting to fight the fight, but now I realise what is said right from the word "go" about detaching.. I'm not saying I'm not all the way there yet, but I can feel I'm on the path.. LC is also helping greatly..

One thing I have noticed with W is that there is a totally different attitude from her when she is around others (her friends etc) whilst talking to me as there is when we are talking ourselves.. I have an idea as to why, but I'm probably well off the mark, and another persons idea may be more fitting..

I saw a great quote today for anyone thinking of throwing in the towel.. It goes:

"Giving up on a goal because of a setback is like slashing your other 3 tyres because you got one flat"..

We all have our goals so this rings true for all of us.. Anyway, Merry Xmas to all.. I wish everyone all the best wishes for the season.. Stay safe and stay happy!!..

[LoveMyW]

Xmas morning went really good today.. Went around to W's place first thing for breakfast and present opening/playing/constructing with the boys.. I showed a lot of PMA even though I was cut inside, but as they say "act as-if"!!..

I spent a good 3 hours there, and to be fair it was ALMOST like any other Xmas morning that we have had.. Laughing, joking and generally mucking around with the kids.. I got an invite to the I/L's for lunch, and we all made the trek over there for a great family get together/feed..

There was nothing even close to an R talk happening with W even though I felt like laying it all on the table (again!!).. I am finally starting to be able to fight myself and bite my tongue.. There was no awkwardness from anyone at I/L's even though it my first big step out with W since BD..

I found that great on all accounts as obviously if I can stand in a house of 15-20 of her family members, and they all still openly accept me not only do I feel better, but I am sure W would see the positive aspects, even though she would be unlikely to react.. To add, my family has the same feeling for her so IF the path home is still open, and the time comes then at least there would be no animosity there (one would think)..

The only comment that really came close to any sort of an R talk was a comment that W made prior to leaving to the I/L's.. FIL & MIL had told her that I was invited, but the final decision rested with her.. Obviously they are not wanting any coldness etc at a family xmas function.. Well she chose to say yes, and reasonably happily I must admit..

Anyway, W said to me that I was all good to come from her perspective, and it didn't sound as though it was forced or just said for the sake of saying it.. She then proceeded to say "Just don't get the wrong idea".. What is with that??.. Haha!!..

I replied with "what do you mean get the wrong idea"??.. She said "about us".. I couldn't think of the words to say quick enough, but I came out with "I have no expectations about us with what we are doing today, I just want everyone to have a great day and catch up".. Probably not the best thing, but this whole conversation lasted 20 seconds!!..

We were about half an hour early for lunch so we had a coffee with FIL, and let the kids play with some new toys.. Chat flowed freely which was good.. Communication between myself and W was good considering how many people were there (no ignorance)..

One thing I found to add to the "actions" file is the fact that I caught W 4-5 times today looking at me from across the room.. They weren't f^ck me eyes, nor was it a death stare.. They were sort of "reminiscing" eyes (even though that could be classed as mindreading).. The looks weren't just glances as when I would catch her looking at me, she turned away like a school girl!!.. There was nothing to look at in my sitting direction apart from me either!!..

Any thoughts on this behaviour??.. I know it isn't anything huge, but in my sitch, catching her looking at me mistily more than once is at least 1 to put in the "actions I notice" list..

If I had to work out a reasoning behind it for "what is working for you" then I would have to say it was the days interactions with the kids.. I doted on them (as you do).. I played monsters and aliens with a Dana White bobble head, and the racoon out of "Guardians Of The Galaxy".. Played cricket in the rain and lost the sacrificial tennis ball half covered in electrical tape!!.. Honestly, he had a he!! of a fun day!!..

I think her seeing this MIGHT have tugged at a few heart strings.. I've never been a bad father, but like nearly all of us fathers on here, when BD etc happens I have noticed that I put more time into memorable things with them now as I'm not around as much as I'd like to be..

The story may be a bit all over the place, but I'm on the verge of a food coma and I'm on 3 hours sleep!!.. Please forgive me!!..


Once again, Merry Xmas to all!!..

[LoveMyW]

Missed the edit button but I should have added that I sent a text to MIL, FIL & W when I got home.. Nothing over the top.. My text to MIL/FIL went:

Hey MIL/FIL.. Thank you for kindly inviting me to yet another xmas!!.. I greatly appreciate it and all of the effort you put in.. It means the world to me.. Merry Xmas!!..

The text I sent to W was:

Hi W.. Thank you for a great day with our boys and everyone else.. All the kids looked like they had a ball.. I appreciate the effort you put in to it all.. I hope you had a good day as well.. Merry Xmas once again!!..

H

The response I got from W was "No worries, they sure did look like they had a ball and I hope you had a good day too.. Merry Xmas"..


I know it's hindsight now, but were those messages ok to send??..

[LoveMyW]

Righto, so I'm having a bit of a funny moment on the rollercoaster so I have decided to post..

How do I handle things RE: new BF??.. I seem a little stuck on what to do.. We are S (as you all know) and living separately.. I have put down what boundaries I can in this position and honestly, I don't know if they are being adhered to or not.. One part of me says that if the kids aren't being harmed then I don't care, but the other side of me wants to break it all off..

I feel by not saying/doing anything that I am giving her free reign to get their R up off the ground, but I also know that by making a big deal out of it that I am also probably making their R stronger by pushing WW further toward him..

It's a rock and a hard place!!.. I currently don't talk about him, nor do I acknowledge anything that is said about him apart from what the kids say, and even then I fob it off with a "cool" or something along those lines..

Someone please tell me how to handle it!!..

[LoveMyW]

A bit of a strange moment of thinking at this second.. I had a bit of interaction with W a couple of days ago when she came to my place to drop off the kids but after reading a couple of other recent threads on here I may have envoked another feeling from her..

Anyway, I have been GAL'ing my rear end off over the holiday season, and although it was with the kids the whole time (no problems there mind you), we made the absolute most of it!!..

I was having a coffee and chat (as if a neighbour visiting) with her and in an out of the blue comment that "I am trying to show I was being the better parent" and "I never really do that so why do you??.."as I had posted a few photos from a few of our activites on FB.. Funny thing is that she has put up WAY more pics of kids recently than I have.. As I said, this was completely out of the blue, so the comment seemed to be a "mini meltdown" per se..

Something about that makes me think it is somewhere in the script, but I can't put a finger on where it fits in..

Keep in mind none of the pics I put up were rubbing anyones face in it, nor did I intend it that way.. I said to her that I was sorry she felt that that was what trying to do, but that was not my intention and left it at that.. I didn't justify the other comment with an answer.. I changed the subject..

Is this what we would call a working path, or something I should change??.. It has obviously got a response from W, but I can't tell whether to take it as good or bad.. This isn't a new thing either.. It is something that we have both done over the years (pics when doing stuff with S's on FB)..

[LoveMyW]

So I had another interesting interaction with W today when she came to pick up the kids to go back to hers.. Had a bit of a conversation as we normally do at pick up/drop off (at least the communication is there), and I mentioned that I was going to get a haircut and heading out to lunch.. The conversation went like this:

Me: Will probably be able to get a haircut and then out for lunch today..

W: A haircut and lunch??.. Sounds nice..

M: Yeah, I need one and I'm hungry too!!..

W: So who is she LMW??..

M: Pardon??..

W: Who is the woman you are having lunch with??..

M: I think that is delving a little too much in to my personal life asking questions like that.. You have asked me to respect your life, so I would ask you to respect mine in return..

W: Whatever, I don't give a f&*k anyway..

I then changed the subject to something about the kids and what we had been doing..

Keep in mind, there was no date or woman for that matter.. I was just keeping things "mysterious".. I was merely hungry and getting a bite to eat close by my hairdresser..

I coloured my hair after I got back to my place to cover up the greys, so I'm expecting a response to that too when I pick up the kids next week.. The last couple of interactions have certainly got some for of response out of her..

Question still is, is it the right path??.. I know it is said to "do what works", but I'm not 100% sure whether this is working in the way I want.. I'm finally getting reactions that although not good, they aren't particularly bad either.. Is this typical of WAW behaviour and stick to it, or find another path??..

I'm starting to genuinely feel like I am detaching now, and although it hasn't been an overnight flick of the switch, it IS happening.. She genuinely isn't on my mind 24/7 (but who knows with the rollercoaster).. I'm definitely starting to see things in a different light..

[LoveMyW]

Boring couple of days on the W front.. I have been NC since our last chat, and haven't got anything from her end in the meantime apart from a text 2 days ago RE S9 trying to ring me from an app he downloaded.. I didn't respond to her, but rang him..

Time to keep on keeping on!!.. Off to the gym shortly to bust some moves!!.. I found a great outdoor gym which has everything needed, is close to my place and best of all it is free!!..

[LoveMyW]

Having a bit of a down day on the rollercoaster today.. It started playing in my head that this has been 5 days of NC with W, which is the longest time that we haven't communicated in 10 years.. I'm also thinking of the fact that in 3 days it will be the 10th anniversary of when we first officially started dating..

I haven't been as bad as previously, and it hasn't lasted all day as I now know how to re-occupy my mind.. It doesn't help that 5 days in she hasn't reached out.. I think it gives me the idea that she doesn't realistically miss me, but that would be mindreading on my part.. I'll be out of the funk soon enough though..

GAL stuff is off today unfortunately due to the weather, but I am trying to find something else to do to keep myself sane!!..