I got 99 problems but an MLCer ain't one!

[Wonka]

Jan, Jan...JAN,

It's confusing when you start so many threads that it is hard to follow you or keep up with your storyline. Your other thread only has 30 posts...it hasn't reached its 100 threshold mark. Can you please stick to that other thread of yours?

I am going to bring your comments over to your OTHER thread so we can continue there.

[HeavyD]

Wonka - thanks for the reminder about the threads...... learning this thread thing slowly......yikes!

[Wonka]

To find your thread, you need to go to the Newcomers forum and scroll down the list until you locate your own thread. Then you can hit the 'reply' push button to compose your posts/responses.

I'm going to top replying here. Will do in your other thread.

[Complex]

I feel for you, it's crazy how many people are out there that actually know what marriage means and how many hearts get broken every single day.
I actually started to wonder if it's even worth fighting for someone who completely ripped your heart apart after promising you to work through everything that will be in the way.
I'm not religious but nothing is more holy than a marriage and the things that grow out of it (even if it fails) seem to be tremendous. Marriage gets you to a different level of understanding and wisdom.
But when sht goes wrong the pain is indescribably big. Why can't people just be honest with another, communicate, open their hearts and let gods love in...I'm
Not even religious but experiencing true love, commitment and marriage triggered something inside of me

[daring]

Thanks FY- I've missed you! Hope the holidays are good to you and W.

Job- you are so right, I feel like the weight of the world is on me sometimes. But I can only do so much so I'm taking one day at a time.
The moving out of my mom's apt is stressing me but I'm just going to have to hire people and stick it in storage as I don't have time to go through it right now.
Stuff isn't important- just people!

123Gwen- I so agree. Not sure if you saw my comment several posts back but whenever Job posts I feel like my big sister just picked me up in a warm hug and I know all will be ok eventually 😊

I'm off to do some praying- not for a specific outcome- just for strength. Some moments hit me that I must be in the Twilight Zone as my H would never, ever do all of this. Yet here I am. So I'm focusing on the fact that there must be a bigger purpose.

[daring]

So today my lawyer called as he reviewed our proposed agreement and thinks I am taking on too much of the debt still. One is a foreclosure from a home we had several years back that we tried to do a short sale and it fell through. H had hired a lawyer and was working on it but somewhere in the midst of him starting into MLC he let it lapse. And I wasn't paying close enough attention as I was working so much- it was already foreclosed before I could do something.
The interesting piece is that it's in his name only b/c I had too many school loans to be on the mortgage. My lawyer thinks I should give him the majority if not all of the debt. He's also worried if some is assigned to me they could come after me while I'm still paying IRS ( 2yrs).
So here's my issue- I'm taking the whole IRS debt- but mainly b/c I know I will pay it and that way it's under my control and gets done right. The mortgage I split 50/50 with him as far as liability. No my name wasn't on it but we bought it as a couple. Part of me gets really pi$&ed off about taking on such a large portion of the debt and then part of me thinks it's the tight thing to do as we bought it together and he doesn't gave the means to pay it back but I will after IRS.
I texted him to let him know the concerns and at first he said we should leave it as is, then said lets work on whatever is the best to be sure we can take care of kids and try to rebuild our own finances. I told him once I got more info from a foreclosure attorney in that state ( FL) we could talk more.
I contacted an attorney to see if there is any way to reduce the debt as they are holding us responsible for the full paid price plus interest and the house isn't even worth half that ( we bought during bubble and were moving during the real estate crash).
So I'm still not sure what I thinkif it all. He could have called an attorney like I did today and started working on this month's ago. But he is also an MLCer with the responsibility and concentration level of a 12 yr old. So I'm trying to just take care of it and if I can reduce the debt than we can talk about how we will split it.

So one little funny- H has the kids and posted on his FB that he was calling a Santa line where one could put people on naughty or nice list. He had it on speaker and pressed naughty list ( teasing the kids) and the second they asked for a name S8 shouts out his name. Haha he has no idea- thankfully!

[job]

daring,
I have to agree w/your lawyer, i.e., you are taking on entirely too much of the debt. I realize that you and your h bought the foreclosed home as a couple, but because it's in h's name, he should be responsible for it. You do not need to have your good name and financial reputation put in jeopardy, i.e., w/additional debt and not knowing what will come next.

So, the house is foreclosed, have they set a date yet to auction it off?

Daring, I commend you for trying to take on all of this debt, including the IRS repayment, but your salary will only go so far. Your h, even in MLC, needs to be responsible for that house. It's a good lesson for him to learn and face the consequences of his actions. BTW, of course, he wants things to stay the same...he wants no responsibility right now...but you've got to think about yourself and your children. Listen to your lawyer w/your business hat on and not w/your heart.

Merry Christmas! I hope that you and your family have a nice holiday.

[daring]

Thanks Job- I'm very torn but I think my lawyer and you are right.
There was a date set for auction but it's confusing- seems like another mortgage company purchased it rather than being auctioned. And once I called and made H call to inquire the data we received is very different than what H was saying ( he already changed the amount owed twice by looking at his credit report but not calling anyone).
So what I have decided is I'm not signing chit as far as a D agreement until I understand better what this debt means. I know that will make him mad but he didn't even have the due diligence to be sure what he's putting on the spreadsheet is correct. So this D may just sit until we have the info.

The attorney I contacted will be calling me Monday and will be able to look all the documents up. If I am at risk in any way I'll take some on and pay it but if not I won't b/c I am essentially the sole provider for the children. ( he's contributing what he is able but tuitions and activities he can't afford so I'm doing that).

What I may offer depending on what it looks like is to contract with a lawyer and pay the legal fees to get it reduced or erased based on the bank and mortgage companies' shady practices ( he can't afford a lawyer so that's why I would do it). And then whatever it's negotiated down to is his to pay. I think that's a very fair way to do it.

He seems to be spinning even more. Grumpy, impatient, stressed out. He hates dealing with money stuff- prefers to pretend it will go away. So it could be partially that or who knows what else.
I'll keep taking care of me!

[job]

Listen to the legal eagles when it comes to debt, etc. They know what to look for in the documents and make sure he speaks in plain English so that you understand.

I know you want to help him out of this jam and get things paid down, but, again, listen to your lawyer...you do not want to take on all of debt. After all, if you take it on, what will your h do? There comes a time that he needs to face the consequences of his actions and w/a divorce pending, you do not need to be his mother or rescuer in all things. True, he's not working, but he needs to step it up and find something, whether it's a clerk at Home Depot or flipping burgers at McDonalds. He needs to be contributing to some of this debt.

Of course he's spinning...he didn't get what he wanted and you are questioning things. He was hoping you would continue on being the responsible daring and do what he suggested, i.e., just go with what he suggested. The holidays have him in a dither too, but that's not your problem. Remember, you didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him.

Protect yourself and definitely ask your lawyer to explain things to you so that you can truly understand what he's saying. Ask questions if you don't understand.

Now, it's time for you and your family to have a nice Christmas. I hope your mother is doing better and you can visit w/her and enjoy a little special time w/her.

Merry Christmas!

[daring]

Well I declare Christmas a win. We did it all together at my house as planned. H came over last night for dinner and to help get presents ready. We had split the buying and it worked out well.
H came over this morning for present opening. He was truly enjoying watching the kids and their joy- especially S8 as he still believes in Santa We had decided not to give gifts to each other but he got me a couple really nice things " from the kids". I felt bad as I didn't do that- just helped the kids pick out their presents for him but didn't get extra.
I have the darn flu ( probably more susceptible b/c of all the stress), so H cooked dinner today and helped clean everything up. He wasn't irritated about it or moody. I even passed out after dinner for a nap and he helped kids pack for our trip.

I texted him when I woke up to say thanks for all his help, Merry Christmas, and that I would send pics of our trip. He texted about an hour later saying thank you for letting him be a part of it.

It's really sad he's not going on this trip- he is the oldest of 5 and they are all going along with their kids. His mom and grandma will also be there. I know he is really messed up b/c he adores his siblings and would never do this when not an MLC alien.

So as for me, I'm doing pretty well. I had a couple sad moments, almost nostalgic, when opening presents. But I know that all of this is out of my control and I'm not the cause of his crisis. And I'm not having the desperate, sad feelings I used to have when I see him. We are in the middle of a D that looks like it's going through- and I will be fine no matter what. His loss!
Merry Christmas everyone!