New Place - New Togs - New Me? Mmmm (Part 5)

[edz]

Hi mate

Got to watch those car doors, they're waiting I tell you, one day they'll take us all out in a mass rebellion..mm, yes, ok then!

I can hope it will be relaxing, fair old amount to do though. S is coming back here on Boxing Day so he gets two "Christmas days" one after the other. I was going to stay at my dads the 24th and 25th and come back the morning of the 26th but Ive failed to find a cat sitter to feed the small furry one so I'll head back on the night of the 25th. Gives me an excuse not to drink too much on the day though (didnt mention christmas eve you notice!).

I know what you mean about the 25th, that was my original plan - pretend it didnt exist, Im just not sure its feasable though unless you avoid all media and to be honest it's there and happening, happened last year whilst I was celebrating (or not, inlaws were visiting!) and others were without their WASs and it will be the same this year with me on the other side of the window, but whilst I'm looking forward to the 26th far,far more I'll still give it a bash on the 25th at my Dads.

I suppose it's my first stab at being able to reasonably balance co-parenting and have some sort of happiness in celebrations outside of my 15 year history with W.

I still dearly hope that 2015 will see W want to try to reconcile and the three of us be together again but if this is the end of those times I'm trying to be able to visualise and believe in a future where S & I and W & S are family units and be OK with that if its the way it has to be.

I don't like it, W knows I don't want it and if there's another option I'll take it but I'm doing everything and anything I can to be the best me I can and the best Dad I can be.

I'm not there yet and this is just the start but I'm working on it.

[jim0987]

You can pick up automated cat feeders really easy then not have to worry christmas day (although its not a bad excuse if you feel you want some alone time)

I bet your S is enjoying the time he gets to spend with you now and is looking forward to his second Christmas (my D3 called it Daddy Christmas), and it'll be even better when you can go outside without risk of a car door uprising.

I definitely get the sense that 2015 is going to be a good year for you however things resolve themselves

[edz]

Thanks Jim

I think there a few trap doors awaiting me and theres this rollercoaster to get off (although it tends to be high or low but not manically change every 5 minutes now) but Im hoping by the end of it I'll be in at least a happier position whomever Im with (even if thats just s).

Moggie has a bad bad bad reaction to cat food at the moment including biscuits (projectile - leave it at that) and is a house cat in a rented home so being careful and fresh chicken and ham would go odd if left in a dispenser although I did think of it. Not a bad plan to be back on the night of the 25th though means I can get the presents out of hiding and under the tree ready (could do beforehand but burglery would be my luck this year).

Love the Daddy Christmas comment, my s seems to be liking the idea and yes loves the time spent here and out with me.

Keep hanging on in there mate, popping by your thread as well, you'll get stabilised and find yourself in a calm spot.



Edz

[edz]

So last day of working this week and before Christmas, lots of bits to do and some training to complete but I had a bad migraine last night so still wishy washy this morning and thought it best to avoid driving.

So working from home it is, as it appears are most of the team in the office I normally would go to so thats ok.

Did get a little GAL swimming in last night although my head was starting so I quit fairly early, finished wrapping last of s's presents bar some of the tags and made some filled pasta and garlic chibatta for Dinner (no alcohol last night as the head was bad).

Christmas drinkies postponed as a couple of people couldnt make it so I'll pick that up Sunday / Monday after I'm back from my Dads and s has gone back to w.

Not been in contact with w apart from posting on her timeline on facebook about a tragedy we'd read about in the papers. She hasnt contacted me either so leaving it at that really. I did feel like texting her last night to see how many items didnt come in the shopping order (see above) but I thought on it and decided to leave it alone.

I'll text her tomorrow to say I'm off to my dads and I hope she and s have a great day and I will see them both on boxing day, may text her to wish s a merry christmas from me on christmas morning as well.

Other than that, still worried on money but not a lot I can do until January and next months food shopping may well be ramen noodles at this rate. Have to sort out some issues on the utilities still (they sent me a bill for the days BEFORE I moved in which was novel) but to be honest nothing that will cause huge issues today. I am missing female company (no, not just like that - and thats been so long anyway way before BD) but my own company is not terrible and I've not been "alone" a lot recently normally out every day and a lot of the time in company at both work and out and about. I'll be surrounded by family for the next couple of days as well.

So tonight will get packed for Christmas at my Dads, get dinner sorted and maybe do a late night shop dash if there's anything I really need although I dont think there is, worried in the night I didnt have sprouts (hey, I like sprouts) then realised my Dads "cooking" - oh dear - them so I only need boxing day food.

And that's me at the moment. Feel less woozy than I did at 6:30 this morning but have to admit its a bathrobe and jeans day today so far, I will of course be fully prepped and smart before the end of the day.

Cheers all

Edz

[jim0987]

nothing wrong with sprouts

unfortunate about the migraine affecting your swimming but it seems sensible to avoid driving in that circumstance. Hope your feeling better soon.

Really good your surrounding yourself with people and i'm sure you'll have a great time at your dads

[edz]

Thanks mate, almost completely fine now. Had them (migraines not sprouts) for years on and off. Yesterday was a really stressful work day with various teams causing me issues and I had a headache moving in about lunchtime.

I hoped I could head it off which I sometime can but I knew when I was in the pool it was going to hit later in the evening after about 3-4 hours warning it starts in my left eye and then is like a powerdrill to the temple. Next day, lots of fluids, avoid caffeine and cheese, chocolate and apart from slight fuzzyness and sore neck pretty much back on form.

Yup I think its a good idea to be involved and around people for the next couple of days then on with "proper" christmas with s. What are you getting up to for the day itself, are you off out to a christmas dance off

[jim0987]

I'm so glad i dont get migraines. I know a couple of people who get them to the point they throw up. not envying that in the slightest.

Good your back on form and only a few hours til you are finished for christmas.

I'm at my Dad's christmas eve night and christmas morning. Going to a massive family thing where I will only know my dad and his wife for christmas lunch (that will test my outgoing and social anxiety). Then over to a mates for a relaxing evening of films and xbox. Hopefully it will be ok.

Then I get my kids boxing day for couple of days

[edz]

Sounds like we're on a parallel then.


Tomorrow I will treat myself to a small lie in as its bee pre-8am for 2 weeks solid, then a nice hot shower and if the weather is good a short walk around to stretch the legs. Then I'll check the tyres / fuel the car and head off to my dads stopping on his sofa couch then all day christmas day and heading back around 10-11 on christmas night (dont want to keep them up to late but the later the better really)

I'll sort the presents under the tree and hit bed.

Boxing day w and s coming around, small drink with w and her presents and cards then - although she's welcome to stay - I imagine she'll head off (and I wont be pleading for her to stay, that's her call) and s and I will have until at least the night of the 27th (was still flexible last I spoke and I'm definitely not pushing it since that side of things is going well - touches head - at the moment)

Will be making Gammon and piccalilli / vegetables on boxing day and beef on the 27th (since I dont need to cook it for Christmas day).

After that there are some plans for people to pop by for a small christmas drinky and some other bits in the works but working on the 30th / 31st.

[edz]

So just sent w a quick email on timescales for s etc over the next couple of days. Mentioned she is welcome to have a drink open her gift etc with us or not as she chooses and to let me know if she needs anything from me before I head off tomorrow (cell signal is dreadful at my dads)

She immediately called me back to mention renewing s's library books (which I had admittedly forgotten to do and I have his card) and talk about s being out on a play date with his friend, the cat and other things. I made sure to not hang her on the line though, she's apparently off to mils for dinner so wanted to get going to tackle traffic etc.

It was nice, it's also an interesting departure from a few months back when I would have received a text or email saying "ok"

No expectations, not elated, not depressed but it was nice to hear her voice unexpectedly.

[edz]

Ok journalling!

Just closing up emails and messages with people ready for the end of the day now.

It's been nice the number of collegues who have simply wished s and I a happy christmas and hoped I find my way in 2015, that's been really nice and did indeed feel christmas spirit(y).

It would be nice if some wouldn't suggest picking up someone else to take my mind off it or, in the case of the wag at the evening do last week, passed me womens underwear and said it was a prescription to have filled. It's through concern and Im grateful they want to see me happy but not exactly the approach I want