Mozza (6) + List of success stories

[MCS]

I thought you said your w had an affair before this one. (My memory for these important details is failing me at the moment--I was up traveling too late, my apologies).

IF this is not the first affair,

then maybe she's not in the group of wives who were
"missing an element INSIDE the Marriage",

and more in the group of wives for whom there is an essential element missing in THEM

What do you think?
[/color]

25years,

Sorry to highjack, but my W told me during that one weekend she actually talked to me that she's had multiple EA's over the course of our R.

She said she was going to talk to MC about that when she said we would try to R, but when we got to MC she wanted no part of anything with R and I've heard nothing of this since then.

First, she said when we were dating she kissed another man, they were drunk. I didn't know about that until she told me just now. I did know at one point before we were M (13 years ago), she had a friend that she got drunk with and ended up kissing, nothing else. She told me about that all the way back then and I got upset, but let it go. Anyway, she said that another friend of her's from about 8 years ago she tried to kiss and he said no, that she was M. Then we have OM from now.

I validated her on telling me this and said that everyone has feelings like this sometimes. It gave me a glimpse that she was trying to work some of this out in her head and with a MC/IC, but since that time she regressed to just being angry at me.

Highjack over, if you have any insight can you reply back over on my thread (I thought everything was okay)? Thanks for all of your help

[25yearsmlc]

Perhaps she wanted to get a reaction out of me.

That's probably exactly why she sent it. She wants to 'prove' to you that she doesn't regret her decision by showing you how happy she is.

I wouldn't respond. And if she ever asks if you saw it, tell her it must have gotten lost in your inbox. Don't give her the satisfaction. Keep your head up Mozza!

I would NOT MIND read about this anymore. It is unprovable, unknowable, destructive and frankly, it's also SELF INFLICTED.

Your wife may not have had ANY "motive"-- other than sharing. She's not "of this world" at the moment.

Stay the course Mozza and for God's sake, work on GAL and Detaching more.

IF I were to mind read -which I hesitate to do-- I would not see this as mean. Clueless, yes. Mean? No.

I read a quote the other day that usually applies to how I see our government, but could also apply here.

"Never ascribe malice or conspiracy to behavior that sheer incompetence can explain."

Since her being clueless is at least as likely as her being mean, it benefits you most to believe that, and to move on.

Again, stay the course.

[25yearsmlc]

This is a crooked road and that hurtful video is one of the obstacles that keeps it so hair raising. I'm sorry.

But... Seriously? W being thrown in the air by male colleagues? They can't possibly respect her.

Hang in there. You've got this.

I'm not sure if it is important or at all relevant, etc...but the "toss your colleague in the air" struck me as odd. Pretty much what Maybel said.^^

I once worked at a corporation where the CEO said if we got the account with a big buyer, HE would do cartwheels down the hall.

We did get it. HE did cartwheels (good ones, too!) and there was affection for him and respect.
He's also been the guy to dunk at charity events...Very capable of not taking himself too seriously.

But I am not familiar with your w's occupation, or if she is a supervisor, etc.

Sometimes it's fun to mock the boss, but if it's a colleague, it seems a bit "too familiar" for my tastes. But before I went "California corporate", I was military.

So maybe that's just my perspective.

You know what really matters though?

The only thing that matters is what YOUR GAL is today. What's up with that??

[Mozza]

Thanks 25yearsmlc. My inclination is also that she's clueless. It fits patterns in the couple where she'd have no empathy for me. And I also love that quote and use it too.

You know what really matters though?

The only thing that matters is what YOUR GAL is today. What's up with that??

I don't talk about it much around here, but I GAL plenty. Today, I went to an indoor amusement park with my two daughters along with my friend with his two kids the same age as mine. We've had some 4-5 hours of fun there. I was very touched by D3 at some point. I opened a box of Smarties and instead of eating them, she'd feed them to me. So I fed her some. It was an exchange. When D6 came and frantically tried to eat as much as she could, D3 would fight to get some, but then always feed them to me. It was more important for her to share with me than to eat chocolate. I was so touched and proud of her, I had tears in my eyes.

The day had started in my bed where the kids came to cuddle. D6 was looking forward to it since yesterday. They're very affectionate with me, telling me that they miss me, that they love me. I tell them just as much and we hug a lot.

D6 cried because she misses her mom for the first time last night. W is gone to her country for some 16-17 days, so D6 knows it's longer than usual. It was a bit of a relief for me because even though I want them to go through the ordeal as smoothly as possible, a part of me was sad to see them unaffected by not seeing one of their parents each week. D6 is starting to send more signals that she cares. She said she prefers the four of us together. She asked me if I missed mom too and I just said a sober "Yes".

Tomorrow, we're going to a birthday party, Monday I take D6 to work, Tuesday we're going to my parents, Wednesday is Christmas Eve, etc. We're plenty busy.

When I have the kids, I cook every day, they're never late at school, homeworks are completed, clean clothes, brushed teeth and all. The standards have not been lowered because I'm alone and I'm proud of this.

I also GAL when I don't have the kids, doing my workout, reading, seeing friends, visiting friends in other cities, hosting guests (an excuse to cook), a bit of volunteering, etc. This plus work and keeping the house together, cleaning, ironing, etc. I'm impressed at myself because I expected to fall apart much more than this.

Thanks for checking, 25yearsmlc!

[okjpc]

Mozza,

Sounds like a great day. I do shudder to think how my outlook would be if I didn't have kids. They really do force us to get out of ourselves and try to bring our best each day. And once in a while there are these mundane, but thoroughly touching moments like you had with your girls today. Beautiful, man.

Also, I was glad to see 25's comments here. I tend to ascribe malice to a lot of my W's actions as well. That may say more about me than her... But I'm really glad there are women and men both piping up on these forums. The diversity in the POVs is helpful.

[LisaB]

Hey Mozza, I know it's old news but I just wanted to comment on your video story. My H also works in a "young" company with a fun party atmosphere and it has had a huge influence on BD and the whole situation. And his OW1 was his younger colleague. So I truly understand the boat you are in.

A few months back my H's office had a big party and there were lots of photos posted to facebook. Of course I had blocked the company facebook page, his facebook page, and all of his coworker's facebook pages, but I still saw a few pop up from mutual friends.

I purposely did not look at the hundreds of photos in the albums on their company sites. I figured why torture myself?

Anyway, I saw him a week or so after the party and he gleefully showed me some photos on his phone and then said "you saw the facebook pictures right?" like it was the most natural thing in the world for me to be fascinated by his office party pictures. If we are not together why on earth would I go out of my way to see his office party pictures?

So I agree with the others that say she is just clueless and wants to show off how incredible her life is now. She is not thinking of your feelings, she is in her own crazy fog world imagining she is the queen of the universe and the belle of the ball.

Don't react, and if she asks just say you didn't see it or didn't have time to watch it, or whatever.

Enjoy this time with your kids while your W is away.

Hugs, Lisa

Oh and by the way I finally did look at the photos from the party weeks later. OW1 looked fat and frumpy and there were no photos of WAH. The party looked boring.

[Mozza]

Thanks a lot LisaB. I really appreciate that you stop by to share your thoughts and the video is not old news at all. I wish I could move on in a day or two, but these things stay with me.

A few months back my H's office had a big party and there were lots of photos posted to facebook. Of course I had blocked the company facebook page, his facebook page, and all of his coworker's facebook pages, but I still saw a few pop up from mutual friends.

I purposely did not look at the hundreds of photos in the albums on their company sites. I figured why torture myself?

I'm impressed. This is my biggest DB difficulty: I can't cut any channel of information to my W. My friend who's following my sitch closest keeps handing my 2x4 about this because it really impacts my PMA. Case in point: yesterday she posted a picture of herself with her father and OM "liked" it on FB. Aouch! Mood ruined for a couple of hours. I have this obsessive "need to know" which is doing me no good. I know I have to stop, but I haven't found a way. Sheer will is in short supply right now.

Don't react, and if she asks just say you didn't see it or didn't have time to watch it, or whatever.

That's what I did. She called me on Friday and her first question (?!) was whether I watched the video. I said I hadn't gotten to it yet. Unfortunately, I then asked "Was it a good party?" to move the conversation along, so I got an earful about how much of what she drank (wine and sake), how many of her colleagues threw up (4) and how late she came home (3:30 am).

GAL report: I've four kids between the ages of 3 and 6 in my living room watching The Cat in the Hat right now!

[HPoirot]

Mozza why not block her on FB?

[Mozza]

Mozza why not block her on FB?

Because I want to know what she's up to, I guess? Because I feel I can use this information when interacting with her? Because I miss her? I doubt have a good enough reason, but I feel a very strong resistance to the idea of blocking her FB and Instagram. How would it help me to bust that D if I did?

[Wonka]

Mozza,

Mozza why not block her on FB?

Because I want to know what she's up to, I guess? Because I feel I can use this information when interacting with her? Because I miss her? I doubt have a good enough reason, but I feel a very strong resistance to the idea of blocking her FB and Instagram. How would it help me to bust that D if I did?

It will help you detach. As you said, your PMA crashes when you do take a peek. For me, I stay the hell away from anything to do with Ms. Wonka and her OW. Although I have seen a picture or two. Gag!

Staying away from FB isn't going to 'bust a D' of and by itself. It is your 180s and consistent changes that hopefully would bust a D. Focus on this part and forget about FB!

Your response to W's query about her video was a doozy. C'mon...where's the take charge Mozza??